Exposure to GHSV-1

[QuestionGuy]

3 1/2 years ago I was dating a girl for 3/4 months. I remember that on the first or second date that she had a cold sore on her mouth. I am not sure if I have ever had a cold sore but I think I had dated a girl previously that had cold sores occasionally. Note: I have never had any symptoms of GHSV-1 and I know that if a person has cold sores then it is highly unlikely for that individual to get GHSV-1. Anyways about two months into the relationship, she wanted to engage in unprotected period sex on a Monday. (Note I’ve never had an STD). That Wednesday morning at 11:00 am she tests positive for GHSV-1. This would be 38 hours later after sex. I didn’t have any flu like symptoms or sores. She showed me the test result 5 days later (the next time I saw her). Her symptoms lasted 2 weeks (not exactly sure as she didn’t share any details about it). We never had sex during the outbreak to my knowledge. I made the mistake to not ask much about it. I was in shock. She never had flu like symptoms or full body aches to my knowledge during the outbreak. From my knowledge, the incubation period is around 4-7 days. She still blamed me for giving her GHSV-1. I’ve talked to doctors and infectious disease specialist about this and they all believe that she already had it and that I do not have it. Also that I didn’t give it to her. Anyways the relationship continued for a month or two (during which she became very abusive and mean) and then things ended. We never talked about her GHSV-1 diagnosis. I was in shock and extremely depressed. Mostly because she became very hostile. Pretty much a form of domestic abuse. She will not talk to me and I am confused still. I have never had typical GHSV-1 symptoms and doctors do not believe I have it. I would appreciate some insight from people that have gone through similar situations as this crosses my mind almost weekly. It bothers me. I see a therapist and it still bothers me.

[Flowerteacher55]

Hi,

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry you had this experience.

Please know that it is not your fault; when someone treats you unkindly, it is a reflection of THEM, not of you.

It is great you are seeing a therapist. Your mental health matters! 

It is possible for her to have already had it and had symptoms but did not get checked until that outbreak. It is also possible this was her first outbreak, however she did not have other symptoms that you knew of (body aches, flu-like symptoms, etc). It's also possible she got it from someone else. You said she was abusive, and perhaps she was also unfaithful. 

For your own well-being, have you been tested for HSV at all via a blood test? Hypothetically if you passed it to her, it is possible to have HSV and not know it. However, if you didn't know you had it, then of course you couldn't have disclosed it to her. So, whether you passed it to her or not, you are not at fault here. 

The "blame game" is not important. We may feel guilty or confused, but it is best to let all that go. Find peace in your new future, a future where you will find someone who is kind and caring and treats you with respect and love ❤️. In the meantime, focus on healing. Remind yourself that we cannot control others, only our own actions. 

Stay strong and be kind to yourself. We are here for you! ❤️ 

Sending prayers of happiness and kindness your way! 🙂 

grace