When to disclose herpes?

[Numbtoit]

It’s been 10 years since diagnosed (HSV1 genital) and while I know the transmission is lower (least likely) from woman to man I still disclose. All have been unsuccessful. I have tried to disclose early and I recently waited 6 months of consistent dating (no sex) to disclose and still unsuccessful. I’m at a point where I don’t want to disclose at all bc how do I know when it’s the right time and who to tell. I feel like I’m going to end up having to disclose to the whole world before finding someone to accept me. I’m at a point where I just don’t even want to have sex anymore because I’m tired of telling people. Now everyone knows my business. Sorry this turned into a rant 

[mr_hopp]

@Numbtoit Certainly all good! Rant on! This is the place for it, after all. 😉 Thanks for sharing your experience and thoughts with us. It sounds like you're feeling really frustrated and overwhelmed with the process of disclosing your diagnosis to potential partners, and I can understand why. It can be a difficult and anxiety-inducing thing to do, and it's not always easy to know when the "right" time is.

It's great that you have been disclosing your status to potential partners, even though it hasn't been successful so far. It shows a lot of courage and integrity on your part, and I hope that you continue to do so. However, I also want to acknowledge that it can be exhausting to have to constantly have these conversations with new people, and it's understandable that you may feel like giving up.

One thing to keep in mind is that there is no "right" way or "right" time to disclose. It's a personal decision that you have to make based on your own comfort level and the situation at hand. Some people choose to disclose early on, while others wait until they have established a deeper connection with someone. There is no right or wrong answer, and you have to do what feels right for you.

That being said, it's important to remember that disclosing your diagnosis is not only about protecting your partner, but also about taking care of yourself. It's a way to ensure that you're entering into sexual relationships with honesty and transparency, and it can help to alleviate some of the anxiety and guilt that can come with what might feel like "keeping a secret." (A great barometer that has always worked super well for me: Ask yourself the question, "Do I trust this person with my vulnerability?" The answer to that one question tells you so much.)

Here's a whole slew of H Opp resources to check out on this topic:

• https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/when-do-i-have-the-herpes-talk
• https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/when-to-have-the-herpes-talk
• https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/how-to-be-fully-present-for-the-herpes-talk
• https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-talk-to-script-or-not-to-script
• https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/vulnerability-as-strength-in-herpes-disclosure
• https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/the-herpes-talk-and-your-perspective
• https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-rejection-as-a-relationship-filter
• The free e-book on disclosure: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

And please remember that you are not defined by your diagnosis. You are a whole, complex, and wonderful person who deserves love and acceptance. It may take time to find someone who is willing to accept you for who you are, but please don't give up hope. You deserve to have fulfilling relationships and a happy, healthy sex life.

Thank you again for sharing your experience, and I wish you all the best on your journey.

[Numbtoit]

@mr_hopp thank you so much for this. I really appreciate all of the resources and words of encouragement. Thank you thank you thank you !