Possible herpes rejection - He can't make up his mind

[Irish1]

I have had herpes (genital) for 14 years & luckily have only experienced a handful of minor breakouts. I have had the talk several times with every one of them taking it well.....until now.

 

I have been dating someone for two months. I told him two days ago. He is torn & not sure what to do. It's really getting to me. Finally today I told him that maybe it was best if we part ways because I don't want someone who can't deal with this. He said he's still processing it & has concerns he will get herpes.

 

I can't stand this in limbo wondering if I'm going to be rejected. Not sure what to do.

[mr_hopp]

Hi Irish,

 

It sounds like you have done everything you can. I can appreciate you having boundaries about what you will put up with and what you won't. Regardless of whether this was herpes or something else that he was waffling about being with you or not, there comes a point where the waffling itself (about the riskiness of herpes) can become a dealbreaker for you. And allowing him to have his space to process the risk and what he wants is important, too. It's a balancing act between those things. And you'll know in your heart whether to let it go or hang on. Womanly intuition is a powerful thing. Trust that. But don't get it confused with fear of him rejecting you or fear of intimacy. Listen to that deep down intuition on whether it's worth continuing to put yourself out there or move on. Only you (and maybe your closest trusted female friends/confidantes) can know if the time is right for one or the other.

 

Did you tell him that the inherent risk of getting herpes if you wear condoms and are on suppressive therapy is a 1% chance? There's more of a chance of him getting in a horrible car wreck on the way to work this morning than contracting herpes. And it's still a decision that he gets to make on whether he's willing to risk even that 1%. But make sure that he is fully knowledgeable about everything so he can make an informed decision instead of a stigmatized reaction. :)

 

Here are the handouts just in case you haven't read them yet. They go over most everything you'd need to know:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

[Irish1]

Thanks for the handout. He read it & calmed down a bit.

[mr_hopp]

Okay, well, I'm glad I could help out! Keep us in the loop on how things go! We care about you and how you're doing. We love updates. :)

[Irish1]

I will. I just found this site. I have had it so long that it's not even really a bother for me anymore ya know. Then THIS happened. Hit me like a ton of bricks.