Newly diagnosed with genital HSV1 after traumatic experience

[Disappointedlady]

Hello all! I am newly diagnosed with GHSV1 due to a date rape situation.  This happened about a month ago and I’m still dealing with the repercussions of it all.  He had just totally destroyed my lady parts. I had a full STD workup which was negative except for HSV 1 and my antibody igG was >62 so with the medical knowledge I have (I am medically educated) I was never exposed to it previously but my body is doing what is supposed to do.  I asked for suppressive therapy to be proactive. I’m still very upset but trying to take it for what’s it’s worth.  I’m 49 and I’ve never been promiscuous and have had 4 partners in my life.  I’m just scared to date again but feel like I’m going to have to find someone is is also positive to feel comfortable.  

[mr_hopp]

Hey there,

I'm really sorry to hear what you've been through. It must have been incredibly tough dealing with this situation. It's totally normal to feel upset and scared right now. Anyone would be in your shoes.

Since you're medically educated, you probably have a good grasp of the situation in your head, but emotions can still hit hard. Sometimes it can feel like an internal civil war between the logical mind and the feeling heart. And it can take some time before the heart can move through all these painful feelings and come out the other side ready to open up again. And it's great that you asked for suppressive therapy to take control of your health.

Feeling scared to date again is totally normal. Trust was broken, and it takes time to feel safe again. When you're ready, take small steps back into the dating scene. You have the right to set whatever boundaries you need to feel safe and talk openly about your needs.

And hey, finding someone who is also HSV-positive is absolutely NOT a necessity ... at all! In fact, I believe it's a way that we can pre-reject ourselves by self-segregating. (I wrote an article about it: "Does this mean herpes-only dating now?") It's all about choosing not to believe the BS that you are now some "diseased" person who isn't allowed to date "normal" people. Shake that off. It's not true. It just means you need to get good at disclosing from your heart and only disclosing to those who you trust with your vulnerability. There are soooo many caring and understanding people out there who will respect you and your journey, no matter what. There are just so many examples I've seen, not only in my own life, but in countless others. 

Also, an important caveat that you may have already heard about: Genital HSV-1 sheds so much less (3-5%/yr) than genital HSV-2 (15-30%/yr) — see more of this data in the free H Opp ebook/handouts. And interestingly, one of the top herpes researchers Terri Warren once told me she has never seen a case of genital HSV-1 getting passed to a partner via genital-to-genital sex. (In fact, around 50% of all new genital herpes cases are HSV-1 from oral sex.) So this becomes very important when it comes time to disclose to future partners, to put the risk level into perspective. 

Right now, take it easy and give yourself time to heal. Surround yourself with supportive friends, and if you need, talk to a professional who can help you navigate through this tough time.

Remember, you're strong and resilient. Just by coming here and sharing your story you're showing your courage. Though it may feel tough now, with support and self-compassion, things can and will get better. We're here for you, and together, we'll get through this. Sending you virtual hugs and support. Take care!

[Disappointedlady]

Thank you for the reply! I’m trying to navigate through the trauma as well as the diagnosis.  My immune system is great so far and I’m hoping this continues. Most antibody tests don’t show up as quick as mine did.   I know it wasn’t my fault but the other part of me wishes I had been somewhere else that day.  

[Disappointedlady]

So I’ve done some soul searching in the last week.  I was upset and angry and then I thought…you know what? If I let it get me down and depressed then he wins and I’m not going to let that happen.  I’m still the same person just more aware of my body and condition and most people don’t want to know and that’s how it gets around.  Ignorance is bliss! I can understand that but I’m also not that kind of person.  I’m going to be positive about the situation. I’ve decided to be happy and move on…less stress is better.  

[mr_hopp]

Yes! This is the attitude to have. The best way to get back is to create an amazing life and have this change you for the better. Rock on! We're going to have to change your screen name ... 😉

[Yana234]

“ And interestingly, one of the top herpes researchers Terri Warren once told me she has never seen a case of genital HSV-1 getting passed to a partner via genital-to-genital sex. (In fact, around 50% of all new genital herpes cases are HSV-1 from oral sex.)” 

We need to be careful about this. My GHSV-1 came from genital to genital sex in one encounter. 

[mr_hopp]

This is good data to know firsthand! Thanks for sharing. I’ll definitely pass this along to Terri and amend my comments about this accordingly!