Not sure how to get through the fact that I have herpes

playingthegameoflife · December 7, 2013

I've known for about two weeks now that I have herpes. I wasnt surprised when I found out I had it. My ex found out a little over a year ago that he had it. He told me right away so I went to get tested. The doctor didn't test me for herpes though because I didn't have an out break. I must have had it for a year or so know and just not know because I still haven't had an outbreak. When I went in to get my depo shot this last time I made them check me because I'd been having weird symptoms. When the doctor called I couldn't stop crying. I knew I had to tell my most recent ex since we had been trying to workings out. When I plucked up the courage he said everything was okay and he was not mad. Every since I told him though he's been acting different. He's decided that we need too stop trying too work things out because he needs too focus on himself because he is in treatment and I understand and respect that but I can't help but feel it has a lot to do with what I have. There hasn't been a night that I haven't cried myself to sleep since I found out. I don't know what to do. I just feel like I'm turning into a black hole, just nothingness. I don't want to do anything or see anyone. I didn't even go to work the first gee days after and when I did I say in my car and bawled. Thinking about how this is going to affect the rest of my life, my relationships, eventually husband and kids, it kills me.

mr_hopp · December 7, 2013

Hi PTGOL,

Welcome to our community. Thanks for sharing yourself here. Unfortunately, your reaction and those thoughts that "this will be the END" are all too common for an initial herpes diagnosis. It's the stigma at play. And know that these are just thoughts. They aren't reality. Plenty of people have even better lives after getting herpes because it forces us to go deeper into ourselves to see the beautiful things beyond a simple skin rash. :) And the difference between people whose lives get better and people's whose lives get worse is a choice that you get to make around how you treat yourself and the beliefs you have about yourself. It's a process of starting to heal your thoughts, beliefs and the way you relate to yourself and your world. It's not about herpes. It's about you and what you have to offer the world. It's about you and your happiness. It's about you stepping out of your story and into what you are grateful for about your life. It's about so much. Living deeply. When all of that happens, then herpes really does get relegated to a simple, sometimes itchy "acne genitalis" as I like to call it. ;)

And just so you can see that you're in good company about feeling like it's the end (again, it's not; it could be the beginning of living a deeper, more fulfilling life), here are a whole bunch of other related posts from the FAQs where you can see varied feedback from our community.

First, here's the whole FAQs page:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1758/frequently-asked-questions-on-herpes-and-popular-conversations/p1

... and here are all the posts where people have brought the same thoughts and fears that you are bringing:

http://herpeslife.com/the-herpes-self-acceptance-process/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-help-one-magic-phrase/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/699/i-just-dont-see-the-point-/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1333/newbie-confused-how-i-got-herpes/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1574/herpes-is-always-on-my-mind/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1700/hard-being-positive/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1702/i-am-scared-of-what-will-happen-/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1711/how-long-does-it-take-to-get-over-herpes/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1723/wanting-my-sexy-back/p1