Just recently found out I have HSV-2

[CanadianGal]

So I've had HSV-1 for years and years and years. I never really cared much. I'd get a cold sore on my lip every now and then and it never bothered me. I would've never felt obligated to disclose that information with a partner. I noticed I had an outbreak for the first time ever a little over a month ago below my waist. At first I actually thought it was something else.

I'm 29 and thought I was pretty lucky to never ever have a STI and then I finally get one... aaand it's (h). It seems everyone has these stories of being in long relationships ... well, not me unfortunately. I have had a lot meaningless sex - I'll admit it. I suppose I haven't always been the commitment type. Sometimes I would use protection and sometimes not. I guess always had that attitude that "it would never happen to me". I also believed things I'd hear like, "if you have type 1 on your lip, don't worry, you can't get it down there". And I never thought to actually read up on it to see if it's true or not. Regardless, despite what some may think, I still don't feel that I got what I deserved.

 

Well, I was actually seeing someone when I found out and noticed the outbreak about a month into things. He claims he's clean...as do a couple other recent partners I've spoken it. As much as I hate telling people, I guess I wanted to know where I got it and hoping someone would come clean. I mean, is it possible that one these guys have never ever had an outbreak and gave me the virus?! Makes me wonder how long I've had it without having an outbreak then. Of course I know one of them could be...and probably is lying too but it does make me think. I pretty much just assumed it was the current guy I was seeing. I knew I had an outbreak and it was more than obvious so I guess I keep thinking how anyone else could just NOT notice that.

 

The physical aspects of this virus are more than bearable in my opinion. I can deal with a blister and itching and stuff every now and then. My outbreak down below actually healed up faster than anytime I've had a cold sore on my lip. The psychological aspects are what's killing me. Even though I wasn't a huge commitment type, I just always figured, when I did want to settle down, it would be no problem. NOW, all I can think about is being rejected, never having a normal relationship, never having sex again, being judged, etc. I haven't even told my family or even close friends I work with. Only a few long time friends, my sister (only family member I've told), and a few recent past sex partners.

 

It definitely does change my way of thinking. I certainly never want to just have casual sex ever again. I hope I can meet someone, take it slow, and have them like me for me. I've also considered the dating websites for people with (h) because the thought of having "the talk" horrifies me. I am glad I found this site though. I found it through Adrial's youtube video's! I hope I can have the same attitude someday about it. For now, I just keep trying not to feel so depressed. I haven't had suicidal thoughts in over ten years...and now I think about it. I am just glad I at least have a place to come to and read similar stories. Even though my friends who do know are supportive, I don't feel like that ACTUALLY know what I am going through.

[mr_hopp]

Hi CanadianGal and welcome to our island of acceptance and healing. :)

 

I'm glad my youtube videos helped you and I'm glad you found us.

 

You know, as much as it pains me to hear how much you've been hurting and that you've even considered suicide (which I'm glad you're not actually going to follow through on — your life is way too precious to waste it on some skin rash), I'm glad to hear that you're finding solace in being here and sharing your story. So many people (including me) felt like you're feeling right now. Terrified of being rejected. Terrified of never finding love again. Terrified that our lives will change forever (for the worse). But I got news for you: Your life is changed forever. And now you get to determine how you want it to change. You're in the driver's seat here on how this will all play out. And that's exciting to me. Herpes has a funny way of starting to put our lives in perspective. It's really us that end up doing it, but herpes is the gong that gets rung to wake us up from how we had been living our lives. So now you get to wake up, treat yourself with love and dignity, have the kind of meaningful sex that has you feeling loved and gotten on a deep level ... all of that and more is available to you. I promise.

 

To show you that you're not alone in feeling like you're feeling now, here are a whole slew of similar stories of our community members (and they've all turned around to realize that all of their worrying is just that — worrying):

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/699/i-just-dont-see-the-point-/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1333/newbie-confused-how-i-got-herpes/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1574/herpes-is-always-on-my-mind/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1700/hard-being-positive/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1702/i-am-scared-of-what-will-happen-/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1711/how-long-does-it-take-to-get-over-herpes/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1723/wanting-my-sexy-back/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1804/disclosing-herpes-for-the-first-time/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1826/falling-apart/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1830/sex-after-herpes/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1860/newly-diagnosed-with-herpes-devastated-my-story/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1888/alone-forever/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1891/help-why-do-i-feel-so-dirty-with-herpes-who-will-want-me/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1907/i-never-want-to-disclose-herpes-to-partners/p1

[CanadianGal]

Thank you Adrial! I know it seems silly to contemplate that and even I hated having those thoughts...which is why I know I needed to reach out. I will definitely go read more of those other stories. It does help :)