Just diagnosed with herpes and FREAKING out

[korts]

Hi, so I am 19 and have recently been told by my doctor that I test positive for genital herpes. My story is that about a month ago I started having a burning sensation when peeing, I then found tiny bumps that ended up growing larger in the genital area. That night, I went to my boyfriends place and told him that I found sores ... he said "okay good, cause I found some too". We both went to the sexual health clinic and got checked out .... I was told that I had genital herpes (but the doctor only looked at it, she did not do any swabs or tests). My boyfriend had tests done and was told he had genital pimples ... whatever those are. Anyways, I decided to suck it up and go to my actual doctor where she did swabs and I was in fact herpes positive. Even though he does not have genital herpes, he talked had me into letting him go down on me, 2 days later he had a coldsore on his lips ... a day after that and I saw the first sore.

 

When she told me, I cried. It felt like everything around me was crashing down. It hurt like hell to even just walk. She gave me a prescription for valtrex and told me that if I felt a tingling sensation to get it filled and come see her again. A week went past and everything cleared up ... I actually felt normal ... until I remember that herpes would always be with me. That it could jeopardize any future relationships and the ability to have natural child birth (when I'm older). I feel dirty, confused, scared, angry and sad ... there are just so many feelings.

 

I had been talking with my boyfriend about it and doing tons of research, though I had not yet told my mom. I thought that I could handle it on my own. About 3 weeks after my first outbreak and 5 days before our family vacation ... I started getting a tingly sensation so I got the prescription. In the hotel, my mom came in and saw my pills ... she's a nurse and knew right away what they were used for. We talked about it and she is furious with him, that he would put me in this situation. She doesn't understand why I am not mad at him either and honestly, I'm not sure why I'm not. The way I look at it is that its in the past and no matter what, I can't change it, so might as well come to terms and just deal with it. I really care about him and I want to stay with him, though I think my mom is about ready to cut all communications between him and I. He has been very helpful, and respectful, but also putting blame on himself.

 

As far as I can tell, he's still crazy about me and wants to stay with me, he has mentioned about having sex again but I am just not ready. I still feel horrible about myself and what I have done. I'm not the girl who takes risks but rather the girl who spends all her time reading books and focusing on learning new things. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would have an STI at age 19. I really don't want to give him this as it would affect his future relationships if/when we break up. There is no reason for us both to have to deal with it.

 

I know this is rather lengthy ... but I just, I don't know what to do.

Any information/advice/support would be greatly appreciated and welcomed.

 

Thank you :)

[WCSDancer2010]

@korts

 

Welcome - glad you came here for help and support.

 

I've had HSV1 (cold sores) since I was 3 (up to 60% of young people have this by the time they are your age). I got HSV2 (genital) in my first sexual encounter at 17. I'm 52 now. Back when I got it H didn't have the stigma it does now...we just dealt with it. I've had 2 beautiful girls (one by Cesarean because the Dr scared me into it.. learned later i didn't need it... and one by natural birth) who are both healthy and H-free. I was married 22 years - actually infected my hubby because I didn't know that that "rash" was H. Divorce had nothing to do with H. I've had 2 boyfriends since who were H-. Breakups had nothing to do with H.

 

Can you see the pattern here? Very little in my life had been affected by H.

 

Its a shame your mother is acting that way - of all people, she should understand the facts.

 

I'm a little confused tho - you saw the bumps - then your BF said he had them too but was "diagnosed" with "genital pimples" (WTF is THAT anyway?) ... then after that he went down on you (which, btw, if you have genital herpes, it's highly unlikely you have the same one on your mouth so not sure what the deal with with him going down on you...he couldn't reinfect you with that strain) and then he came up with the "cold sore"? Odds are he has had coldsores since childhood and THAT may be what you have, which is HSV1 genital. Were you both blood tested, cultured, or both? And which one were you told that you have?

 

The only way to know for sure what you have is the above methods. Whatever the result, you life is FAR from over. Promise :)

[korts]

@WCSDancer2010

 

I know that it isn't that big of a deal and can be dealt with. I'm just worried as to what people would think if they knew ... I mean, my mom already flipped. I know that it doesn't change the person that I am, just the future choices that I make.

 

So, even though I have it, I am still able to have natural child birth? I have done a lot of research ... but still have questions and concerns.

 

I actually found the bumps after he kissed me down there. I have absolutely no idea what "genital pimples" are ... but that is what his doctor said he had. I have not yet been blood tested, though I suppose I should be ... just to be sure. All she did was swab for HSV and it came back positive.

 

One other question that you might know the answer to: I have O-negative blood type which is rather rare and extremely useful in emergency situations ... am I still able to donate blood at Red Cross?

[WCSDancer2010]

So why do you worry about what people think of you? What they think says a lot about THEM...not you... I refuse to surround myself by people are judgmental, ugly, etc. Why waste my time and effort on them?

 

Yes you can have a natural childbirth... the Dr's usually put you on anti-virals for the last month.. when you go into labor they will do a quick check for lesions... they say the worst time to have a baby is in your first few months after you get it because you are likely to have the most OB's then.

 

The swab should tell you which type you have. I'm guessing HSV1...which will likely settle down pretty quickly.....

 

You should be able to donate blood as this is not a blood borne pathogen :)