First Love Remembered- Herry The Herp's Unplanned Trip Down Memory Lane - Part II

[HerryTheHerp]

Hey everyone,

 

Herry's heart here. He says hi. He's still busy, but he's doing alright. He's a great guy. Snores a lot and gives me a lot to think about, but I like him. Here's the second part of the journey he's on right now. It's a trip down memory lane that kind of got sprung on him about two months ago. It's been a good journey for him. He's not sure where it's going to lead, but he's picking up some bits and pieces of himself he's lost along the way. They're going to make him whole again, and he knows that. He's crying a lot right now. Some are good tears, some are sad tears, some are tears born of missed opportunities and misunderstandings that are only realized decades after the fact.

 

So, here's the second part of the journey for those of you who are following the tale. Like a story that never truly ends, this one will unfold gradually. There will be smiles, laughs, a few tears, and a lot of emotion. Grab a tissue and enjoy.

 

Love, Herry's Heart

----

 

We were a couple the day after we met. The phone calls lasted for hours, we ate lunch together, we spent our weekends walking through her neighborhood and watching movies on her couch. We were teenagers falling in love with each other and it was magical.

 

There were a lot of firsts for both of us during this time. We were each other’s first boyfriend/girlfriend. There was the first kiss, the first dance, the first longing look in each other’s eyes where a glimpse of forever was beginning to come into view. There was the first time meeting each other’s parents. There was the first date. There was the first birthday together, and the discovery that she and my mother shared the same birthday. The only thing we didn’t have was a first fight which we saved for much, much later.

 

Our time together that autumn was a truly blessed time of discovery. By December, I understood what my heart had been telling me since I’d first seen her in the cafeteria; she wasn’t just my first love, she was my true love, and the one I was meant to be with forever and ever. I remember the moment very well. It had come to me in a dream and had awoken me from a deep slumber. It scared me. I woke up and rose from the bed where I stared out the window at the falling flakes of snow drifting through the moonlit sky that Thanksgiving weekend. It was a beautiful moment and the lure of forever seemed so enticing. For the first time in my life I went to bed with visions of wedding rings, children, and a life shared together drifting through my dreams. Those are dreams a young boy of 16 just doesn't expect, and isn't fully prepared to have.

 

When I woke up that next morning, those dreams had turned terrifying. At the time, my life was a mess. My parents were in the midst of an incredibly vicious and cruel divorce. Like myself, my girlfriend was the child of an abusive father. We were both young and terrified we would become our fathers. We talked about it and tried to reassure each other as best we could, but at 15 and 16, we just weren’t equipped with all the knowledge needed to do that effectively. We also didn’t have the communication skills necessary to discuss such weighty concepts with one another. We comforted each other, but neither of us were able to convince the other that everything would be ok.

 

And, that’s when I made a mistake that would change the course of our relationship, and our lives forever. I broke up with her. I just couldn’t risk that I would hurt her and I was petrified that I would become my father and continue his abusive ways into my own relationships. I loved her so much that I had to let her go in order to protect her.

 

I still remember the stunned look in her eyes when it happened. It was pure pain and I couldn’t let her see that it gutted me. I'd practiced and rehearsed so many times that it was almost mechanical. I had to, because I knew if I let my heart do the talking that I'd chicken out. Had she looked deeper into my eyes she would have seen how much I was hurting, and that I was lying as to my reasons for breaking up with her. I told her it was because I wanted to be free and thought we were too young for the feelings we were experiencing. I just couldn’t admit to her that it was because I didn’t want to hurt her the way my father was hurting my mother at the time. I was afraid of myself and the last thing I ever wanted was for her to fear me or see that buried somewhere deep inside me.

 

And, that was that. We broke up. It was a clean break. There was no fighting, no yelling, just soft words, some tears, and I wish you the best. And, with that it was over.

 

Or, so we thought at the time…

 

Part 1: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2982/first-love-remembered-herry-the-herps-unplanned-trip-down-memory-lane-part-i/p1

 

Part 2: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2995/first-love-remembered-herry-the-herps-unplanned-trip-down-memory-lane-part-ii/p1

 

Part 3: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3000/first-love-remembered-herry-the-herps-unplanned-trip-down-memory-lane-part-iii/p1

[Amillionthings]

You got me hooked...x