Disclosing herpes to a loved one...

[gerrismith]

Good afternoon, I recently rekindled a relationship with my high school sweetheart after 30 years and we are madly in love with each other. I have not yet disclosed to him that I have HSV2, as we have not been intimate since we live on separate coasts. My preference would be to tell him in person because I really want to see his reaction which will help me find the right words. Is it wrong to have him fly out here without disclosing first? If so, is there any recommendations on how to successfully disclose over the phone? I just really think it would be a more positive outcome is we could see each other vs. phone. Please let me know your thoughts, share stories and/or provide recommendations. I am desperate and do not want to lose him.

 

Sincerely, lost and confused.

[WCSDancer2010]

@gerrismith

 

First - Welcome! You will find tons of great info and support here :)

 

Why don't you try Skype? That way, you can "see" his reaction, you can send him any links to follow up on, like the links for the handouts here, CDC links, etc .. make sure to tell him to NOT use Dr Google to look at images and forums as many are just plain horrid and not a good representation of the reality for most H folks. Certainly to have him fly out without knowing is a lot given the price of tickets nowadays.

 

I'll put some links below for you for the handouts and some successful disclosures... and you may want to search around the site (The FAQ section is a great place to start) and read the blogs - there's a lot of inspiring stuff on here that may help you to feel more confident about the disclosure.

 

Keep us posted about how it goes :)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Handouts:

http://bit.lyh-opp-diagnosis-handout/

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2445/my-success-story simplyme24

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2495/a-coming-out-story- DanieM

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2544/disclosure silentstandoff

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1644/having-the-herpes-talk-with-a-new-partner Daisy

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2689/first-time-disclosing-herpes-and-very-very-nervous paleogardenerkika

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2789/about-to-have-the-herpes-talk Empowered 74

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2833/this-was-a-first kitcattat

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2892/first-disclosing-talk-with-a-new-guy-so-relieved Figuringthisout

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2879/rekindling-an-old-flame Valkyrie

 

[gerrismith]

Thank you for your response. I do feel very supported here. I have never used Skype, but may have to look into it as an option. I think I just feel not only is the expressionism important the ability to touch a hold each other when difficult news is discussed is too. My assumption is that he would be accepting. However, I do take a risk of him coming all the way here and not being accepting and having it end very dreadfully. So much to consider. I would love to hear others story about disclosure especially when it involves someone so far away. Did you wait and do it in person or did you do it over the phone, Skype, etc. and how did it go?

Thanks so much for the awesome support everyone!