Done with denial, but not the end of the world

[fetc88]

Hey I firstly really wanted to thank everyone here, as you all have helped me a great deal in the past few weeks in dealing with my eventual acceptance of what I think is HSV2. I'm very certain I got it about three months ago, had the fever, swollen nodes, and some red rashes with no blisters. The person who gave it to me swore they have never had an OB so I was completely not willing to accept I had h and that it would go away or it was just something else. After about a month I had a very tiny outbreak that I could barely see, then a month and a half after that something similarly unnoticeable. I was still in denial up unit about two weeks ago when I had a pretty bad outbreak followed by another one a week later (even before the first one was gone). The last one has been my worst one to date which is weird because I anticipated it to get better. I am a pretty heavy weekend binge drinker (being in my mid twenties) so I think that may have been the cause. Either way I think I have accepted it, but was really a mess for a couple of days last week. I am going to take it easy on the booze and what not and see how it goes. I don't really want to take meds, I feel like its not necessary, but I may be wrong.

 

The worst thing was that I met someone that I really liked a month ago and had my moment of clarity and acceptance in the midst. I was really nervous because I knew I had to tell her so the discussions on disclosure here really helped tremendously. I finally went for it on our 4th or 5th date and tried to be as positive as I could. It honestly went better than I thought, because truthfully if I was in her position I would have ran the other way. I even gave her an out and told her I would understand, but what surprised me the most was her admitted to a lack of knowledge about h. I didn't know what to say at that point, because honestly I did not plan the conversation to progress that far. We are still dating, but I am really terrified to pass it on to her. I don't want to take antivirals and I know condoms still carry risk. I am definitely going to avoid sex for as long as possible. I have not spoken to her about my infection since then and would want to bring it up and be more prepared when it does, but am reluctant to for obvious reasons. Either way I am okay now and know that its not the end of any sort of meaningful relationship! Although I would still not want to take meds my entire life to avoid transmission to a partner and wonder if it is better to be with someone who also already has the virus.

 

Thanks again everyone! And sorry for the long post! I just wanted to share and get all this of my chest, because I really have no one to talk to. I look forward to being a part of the community! :)

[WCSDancer2010]

@fetc88

 

First - welcome :)

 

I always wonder how many people we help who never actually post. I do know we are getting masses of hits every day... but you wonder how many actually learn from reading and not posting...so I'm glad we have been able to help you already ;)

 

So - the decision to take the meds or not will be between you and your partner... the risk IS higher for women to get it than men, and you will be at a higher risk to pass it on in your first year... so what I would recommend (and this is just my opinion) is that you go on the meds for perhaps the first year of ANY relationship (even if you partner is not concerned) until you are at a place that, if they DO get it, its just something else that you are "sharing"(for want of a better word). It's a little harder to digest if you get H and then find yourself out of the relationship soon after ... so until you are both really sure that you are looking at long term (as far as anyone can look into the future), I for one would want to protect my partner from having that reminder of me if it didn't work out. I'd rather they had a better memory of me than that if possible :P

 

I would also use condoms for BOTH your protection until you can both get totally up to date STD tests (I'd wait till 4 months into the relationship). There are STD clinics or Planned Parenthood clinics that not only can test you but they will give you both sound advice about how to protect her.

 

Otherwise, so glad that we have helped you to get to the acceptance phase so quickly. And, maybe this will be good for you regarding the binge drinking...maybe you needed something to wake you up and save you from yourself, eh?

 

(((HUGS)))