Second time around this block for me...

[mae6110]

I hope I can manage to get through this better this time.

 

My story starts back in 1986. I made some bad choices in my early 20's and slept with a few guys that I didn't really know. You know the story..drinking, clubbing, and ending up at someone else's place. I don't even know where I got it. At the time of my first breakout, I had just had the most amazing sex and was preparing to move out of town to start a new career. So, here I was leaving all my support system and going somewhere I knew none in a day and age long before the Internet and I got the diagnosis. I was devastated. I spent the next 3 years of my life avoiding all men and really depressed. I told not a living soul. I moved a couple times. Finally, in 1989 I went on vacation to Hawaii and let my guard down a little. I ended up meeting a guy there that was stationed in the Navy. Didn't expose him or do anything untoward but did have a little fun for the first time in several years. Little did I know he would end up calling me and coming to visit me on the mainland. Imagine my trepidation that this guy was coming to visit for 10 days when I had never told anyone. Well, after he was there 3 days, I told him and he didn't care. We ended up married in 1990. I stopped having any outbreaks by shortly after I was married and have been asymptomatic since then. I had a beautiful baby boy who is now 19.

 

This last year we got divorced and I found myself back in the single world. Trouble was that I simply chose to forget about all of this for all this time. I never availed myself of any information since the age of the Internet. I chose to believe that there was no issue because there were no outbreaks. I started dating. I went out with one man in the fall that I had some ill-advised contact with. It was fairly low risk but I did not tell him because I was in denial. Well, 2 weeks ago I went for my yearly ob-gyn visit and impulsively as I sat in the waiting room, I checked off all the boxes on the STD screening and decided to find out where I stand now since I am sometimes dating. Well, no surprise there. I have HSV2 and when the nurse told me about, she mentioned something about shedding. I was like, WTF is that? Because of course I never bothered to keep myself educated. When I got home that night, I started researching and immediately realized the horrible mistake I'd made. So, I've talked to this guy. He took it okay but of course we will no longer be friends. We were sort of friends up to that point.

 

Now, it is time to focus on me and how I am going to get through this a second time. I don't want to shrink into myself like before. Up until last week, I've been having a blast as a new single. I've lost a ton of weight and feel fabulous. Just the other night when I was out at a social event, there was someone that gave me his card and wanted to go on a date. I just don't have a clue what to do. I am too emotional at this moment to go out with anyone I think. But, I really want to get past this and move on. I know it doesn't have to be an end to my life. In your 20's you are worried about getting married and having children and all that. At 52, the worries are different. And a relationship with a much older man could even be without much sex. Although, I really still want sex.

 

Well, it felt good to just write all that. I think the first move is to call the EAP at work and find a professional to talk to.

[WCSDancer2010]

@mae6110

 

First, Hello and Welcome!

 

So,you basically wrote a twist on my history - I got Herpes a bit younger and didn't know that the "rash" was herpes until after marriage when my ex husband broke out...but we still had 20 good years and 2 children. I also didn't get my "wake-up call" until awhile after the divorce when I was made aware of the asymptomatic shedding. So I feel your pain at the realization that there's more to H than we knew all that time. AND, life still went on for me. I've had one long term relationship since...started out rocky when I told him (he actually freaked out and I have his Dr to thank for setting him straight and telling him it wasn't nearly as bad as he was making it out to be). We had 3 years and he never got it from me. I took anti-virals which must have done the trick...I certainly never had a problem with major OB's and any minor ones quickly resolved.

 

For now, I'd say look around this site - read the FAQ page (at the top of the discussion forum) and the handouts. Read all the stories you can on here. I'll post some success stories for you. You would be amazed how many people we've had in the last few months who are finding love with H- partners. And honey, I'm 52... and I'm damn sure going to have sex, and plenty of it, if/when I get in another relationship ;)

 

And yes, go see a therapist if you have access to one. But to be honest, this site is amazing for helping people work through the stigma and upset.

 

You'll be fine. You've lived with it this long... you know your body. You are already well ahead of many folks on here who are in their first OB and scared of what the future brings. ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2495/a-coming-out-story- DanieM

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2544/disclosure silentstandoff

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1644/having-the-herpes-talk-with-a-new-partner Daisy

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2689/first-time-disclosing-herpes-and-very-very-nervous paleogardenerkika

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2789/about-to-have-the-herpes-talk Empowered 74

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2833/this-was-a-first kitcattat

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2892/first-disclosing-talk-with-a-new-guy-so-relieved Figuringthisout

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2879/rekindling-an-old-flame Valkyrie

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3021/successful-herpes-disclosure Starsinhereyes

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3036/i-had-the-herpes-talk-and-he-said- thisisgoingtobeok