Letting go of the past

[newthings2014]

Well, guess I should share my story here like so many others have done. In 2005 I had been married for 12 years. Everything was fine with the marriage, as far as I knew. We had our ups and downs but always came through okay. There was a lot of turmoil in my life at that time. My sister's husband had terminal cancer. My father had been diagnosed with Parkinson's. My mother had to have a number of risky surgeries. To say I was stressed was an understatement. I was also seeing a chiropractor for back pain, getting adjustments and deep tissue massages (I'll explain why I think this matters later).

 

One Friday, I had a day off from work and had a chiro appt. that afternoon. The hubby was home from work so we enjoyed a little "afternoon delight" before I left for my appt. I went to the bathroom afterwards and it kinda stung. I didn't think much of it at that moment, given what had just happened. But it got worse, and by Sunday I thought I was gonna die. The pain was excruciating. I thought I had a bladder infection and called my GYN first thing Monday morning. They did a urine test but said there was no bladder infection or UTI. But it continued to worsen. Then the sores appeared. I thought it was from the urine causing irritation and called the doc back to go in again. This time they did a pelvic exam and she took samples of the sores. (That was fun! They sliced one off to test it. Talk about ouch)

 

It wasn't long before she came back and told me. HERPES! Of course, I had begun to suspect it was an STD and I really really wanted it to be gonorrhea or chlamydia or something curable. I knew there was no cure for herpes. But, luck was not with me that day. I was hysterical, crying and shouting who knows what. Though I'm pretty sure "I'll kill him!!" was the first thing out of my mouth. My doctor spent a long time calming me down and telling me about the disease, how you can have it for years and never even know it. But for 12 years?? Possibly, she said, though she seemed a tad incredulous. Basically, she convinced me that it was possible that my husband could have had this all along, even before we were married. Some people never show any symptoms and aren't even aware they are infected. Also.. maybe I just wanted to believe that he wasn't a cheating bastard. I went from someone who was going to kick his ass to the curb to thinking "oh great, now he's gonna think I was cheating on HIM!"

 

I decided to just confront things head on. I sat my husband down and told him what the diagnosis was. I looked him in the eye and told him I have never, ever been unfaithful. And then I asked him to tell me the truth, whatever that might be. If he had ever, even once, strayed, I asked him to tell me. He told me he had never cheated on me.

 

I began my research and learned that stress can be a trigger. Also that, when dormant, the virus hides near the base of your spine. So I wondered if the stress combined with the spinal adjustments at the chiropractor had triggered one bad mama jamma of an outbreak. It was bad. I was in almost constant outbreak mode for months. Sores, painful urination, swollen lymph nodes, flu like symptoms. I thought it would never end. Finally, things began to abate and I would only break out about once a month, then less and less as time went by.

 

Sadly, in 2012, I found out the extent of my husband's lies. He had cheated on me several times and ended up leaving me for another woman. Lovely. Thanks for the parting gift, honey! So, here I am single and free and trying to be happy. I recently met someone and things starting moving in the direction of us becoming intimate. And I had to deal with the emotional trauma of not only telling him that I had not been with anyone for almost two years (ack!) but that I had herpes. But I told him everything and he was understanding and sympathetic and.. still wanted to be with me! We are super careful about everything. Condoms every time, no exceptions! That he is willing to take this risk with me, for me, means so much. I want to protect him as much as possible.

 

So. Wish me luck, if I may be so bold as to ask. It's great being here among you all and having a place to go for info and support and advice. Thank you for reading!

[Max_G]

Hi

 

You had a tough few years... Sorry you had to go through all of that. I am happy to hear things are going well with your new friend. I always find myself thinking I will not find anyone. Best of luck!!!

[WCSDancer2010]

Your story is one that has been told many times on here ... AND, it could have been any of the other scenarios that the Dr offered as options (we've had people on here who have had it over 25 yrs and not known it) ... And in the end, it doesn't matter how we got it ... we have to learn to live with it and move on.

 

So happy you have found someone who values YOU!

 

(((HUGS)))