New here and scared

[flower]

I was diagnosed about three months ago. Don't know which type but I am on meds everyday. The first out break happened after I started running again and was so bad, I am still surprised I didn't end up in the hospital. The ex said he didn't know he had it and thought it was jock itch.

We recently broke up and I have no idea how to even begin to date again. I am over 40 and completely ashamed. Only 2 people (besides my ex) know and I am too ashamed to even tell my best friends. I am crying as I write this because I feel very alone. Dating has been hard since my husband died but now I feel like it's not even worth trying.

I am truly afraid I will be alone the rest of my life because if one stupid mistake.

When I went to my GYN for the diagnosis he was very short and not helpful at all.

What did I do?

 

[HerryTheHerp]

What did you do? You had sex. That's not a crime and nothing you should be ashamed of. Your friends have sex. You have sex. Everyone has sex. It's normal, natural, and there isn't a damn reason in the world you should be ashamed of it.

 

You feel alone, and hey, I totally understand. Life can get pretty lonely and it would be nice to have a partner to go through it with. Couple that with the loss of your husband, and well, I can feel your sense of loss. You've lost someone you loved, you feel as if you've lost your sexual well-being. More importantly, I can sense you feel as if you've lost your sense of self.

 

So, what do you do about it? I'd suggest you reconnect with yourself. Rediscover who you are outside of a relationship. Indulge your hobbies, learn new ones, reconnect with friends and people you haven't spoken with in years. Travel, explore, and whatever you do, don't dwell in the past. That's a tough lesson, and one I remind myself of every day; the past is the past. It's gone, and while it's shaped who we are and there are fond memories there, the only way is the way forward.

 

You're not alone by any means, and you didn't make a stupid mistake. You made a choice to open yourself up physically, sexually, and emotionally to someone. And, it's quite possible he's telling the truth as nearly 80% of people who have H don't know it. So, give him the benefit of the doubt for now. Regardless of whether he knew, or didn't, forgiveness will open some amazing doors in your life.

 

Now, as far as your OB GYN being short, I don't see how that's relevant at all. There are plenty of short people who contribute great things to society. Danny Devito, Rhea Perlman, President Medvedev, and others have made truly great impressions on history. Height should not determine a person's worth or value to society. And, since your OBGYN spends most of his days crouched over on a stool, I don't see how his height is even relevant. ;)

 

 

[flower]

You made me laugh. Thank you!

[WCSDancer2010]

@flower

 

Herry is right - there is NOTHING to be ashamed of. You were in a monogamous relationship and your ex's "jock itch" ended up being Herpes...you were not to know (whether he did or not) and you didn't do anything wrong.

 

Herpes can help you to learn to approach people and relationships differently. Take this time, as Herry said, to re-connect with your relationship with yourself. I'm 52, had genital H since I was 17. I've been happily married, divorced (and still friends), had two 3 yr relationships (who didn't get it from me) and I have a great life. AND I'm totally "out" and I have no regrets ... I get to educate people (both H+ and H-) about H and no one treats me like anything less than they would if they didn't know...but that's in part because I don't surround myself with anyone but people who are accepting and loving AND when I tell anyone who I don't know as well, I approach it very matter of fact and with no shame... and that sets the tone for how they treat me. Learn to love YOURSELF first and foremost ...

 

As for the "short" Dr ... sadly many are pretty poor at helping people to understand their new situation, and that's sad and I hope we can change that some day...

 

For now, read as much as you can here. We are a great place to get yourself educated and get your mojo back .... ;)

 

(((HUGS)))