New Here

[niki613]

Hi guys! I am new here and I have had herpes now for about 8 months. I got this from my now roommate in cold sore form. I have tried to explain to him that his cold sores are just as threatening as my genital herpes...and he does not understand nor does he want to learn about the similarities. He just shakes his head and tells me "ah..I don't believe that". He also doesn't believe the huge percentage of people with herpes. As I said, he is just my roommate now, we did date but when I moved in with him, he and I agreed that if it didn't work out we got along well enough that living here wouldn't be an issue...and honestly, it is not an issue. However, I'm still moving out here soon as im not a fan of roommates.

 

However, just the other day he accidentally threw a box of condoms on me (yes it seriously was accidental...he was trying to give me a pack of cigarettes and threw that along with it trying to be funny...and then freaked out when he realized what his humorous throw included). I just jokingly said "well! now! those definitely aren't for me!" and he just fumbled them back into the bag. It bothers me though, he refuses to understand that he can give other people herpes. He doesn't see the connection. Now I see that he's planning on being sexually active again, and it just blows my mind knowing that he will more than likely tell this girl that he is "clean" and gets tested a lot. He DOES get tested a lot but they do not specifically test for that.

 

Before I got this, I did not understand this about cold sores either, until it was too late. I know it is not necc. my job to make him understand, but I just wish he would....CARE.

These past several months have been hell for me...and my roommate even made ME feel dirty, insinuating I may have given it to him...while also saying that he gets tested so its not a big deal. That I know of, he does not have genital herpes. He has had mouth sores (on his tongue) for a long while now, ever since I moved in. When I moved in with him is when my symptoms started, I was sick for like a month my entire body hurt, and i had 1-2 sores that just did not seem to want to go away. I know that mouth sores are different from cold sores, but these are on his tongue (hes shown me) and I did do a little research into it and it looks to me like it could be herpes??? ANy thoughts on that?

 

I am now on a bunch of supplements to try and suppress this naturally without having to take drugs. I understand you guys definitely say about drug suppression, but I also have read where it effects some people negatively and I have always been one for more natural ways. I won't sit here and list what all I'm taking, but I am noticing a huge difference...and I hope it just keeps getting better for me.

 

I have joined some herpes dating sites, because my personality makes me EXTREMELY honest, and to "hide" something like this from a potential future mate would eat me up inside. I'm the type that I would like to be like "HI! im "..." and I have herpes! nice to meet you!" Me holding that up inside is like trying to hold your breath....after a while you just HAVE to let it out!

 

So, in being on these sites, that's already "out there" and they understand. I would love to open up to other dating sites but the fear of knowing my honesty, and really liking a guy and worrying about rejection is just way too much for me to handle. I have went out on a date with one guy with herpes....and it was great! I was so relaxed! For some reason, he and I did not work out, but it was nice to test the waters of what it could be like in the future with the right guy.

 

Thank you to all that made this site possible! Its probably the best site/forum I have found yet! It has taking me a long time to accept this, and get out of denial, and move forward....but I am glad I am at this point!

[HerryTheHerp]

Have you been type tested? You say you have genital herpes, and HSV1 (the type that causes cold sores) can cause genital lesions as well. My advice if you haven't already, is to get tested to determine whether you have 1, 2, or both.

 

As far as your roommate, well, you can't make him do something, or make him see something the way you want him to. Is he ignorant in his beliefs and perception? Yes. Is that your problem/responsibility/anything you can change? Nope. So, don't stress over it. You have your own things to deal with. You've done your part to educate him, and he's chosen to remain ignorant. Unfortunate? Yep. Wash your hands of it.

 

As far as the dating sites, well, if you have HSV1 or HSV2, or both, why limit yourself to an STD dating site? Seriously. Those places are like leper colonies. Yes, it makes it easier to get past the disclosure discussion. I understand that, but really, HSV1 and HSV2 are so common that the odds are that if you put it on POF or one of the "regular" sites, you'll find somone there.

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

I have to keep this short as I have to run to teach a dance lesson but I just want to touch on a couple things:

 

He has had mouth sores (on his tongue)

 

That is a Canker sore ... it is not Herpes... see this link for explication

 

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/canker-sore/basics/definition/con-20021262

 

As for your roomie, print out the handouts on here... and maybe the CDC website info as well ... give it to him and the rest is up to him...

 

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

http://www.cdc.gov/std/Herpes/STDFact-Herpes-detailed.htm

 

Highlight/underline the parts that will give him the info he needs such as this part

 

Infections are transmitted through contact with lesions, mucosal surfaces, genital secretions, or oral secretions. HSV-1 and HSV-2 can also be shed from skin that looks normal.

 

 

[Aimi]

Hey! =)

 

I just wanted to say, you can use "normal" dating sites, date people who are H-, and still be EXTREMELY honest! Waiting until the RIGHT time to disclose is not withholding, dishonest, or hiding- anything. You could also do what Dancer does and put that information in your profile (if that's the route you prefer), I know she's received amazing responses- talk to her!

 

My point is- Why limit yourself. We're not tainted. We're not less than. We're not second class members of society.

 

Why not try both?

 

& If you have to disclose to someone who is H-, the experience will be empowering and liberating (regardless of the outcome). Your character will be strengthened in ways that no other experience will afford you.

 

Just something to think about :)

 

Best,

 

Xo!