Need Your Support - So Worried.

[ladymdlove]

Been dating a nice guy for two months now. Met him through a buddy. While dating him I found out about H. We have not done anything together. We seem to spend a lot a time but I can not get to tell him. I guess it is hard because I was introduced to me from a buddy. How can I tell him and I have not told my buddy. I have played it over and over in my head to just let him go so that I won't have to have the talk. He thinks I don't desire him because we have not be intimate yet. If I tell him would he keep it a secret not to tell my buddy? So worried. We do kiss and other things but never intercourse.

[Guest]

Well, it's not your buddy's business. That's the explanation for not telling your buddy. You don't have to tell anyone unless you plan to be intimate with them. It's that simple. Initially I thought it would make sense to avoid dating anyone within my social circle to avoid my diagnosis being exposed to everyone I know. Unfortunately, I fell in love with a girl who is in my social circle, and I have to take that risk and tell her if she decides she wants a relationship with me after 3 years of bad timing and several really great past dates.

 

The point is, it's all up to you and your comfort level. Handle it the way you want to, but if you plan to get physical, you must disclose. It's the right thing to do.

[ladymdlove]

Are you still there? I have questions

[WCSDancer2010]

@ladymdlove

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

I am not clear but are you saying you got it from your buddy? In which case, you need to talk to him first because he needs to get tested so he doesn't pass it on to others ... or at least he can take precautions and be responsible with it.

 

As far as the guy is concerned, as @thisismenow said, you need to tell him AND you shouldn't let H keep you from pursuing the relationship. Yes, he may choose to walk away, but why make that choice for him? He's a grown man and can make his own decisions once he's been properly educated about the risks. There are many, MANY discordant couples out there who are together for many years and the H- person never gets it. KNOWING you have it is more than half the battle for not passing it on. The vast majority of new cases are from someone who had no idea they had H, or perhaps had been told by Dr's that they can't pass it on without an OB (sadly many Dr's still give this very outdated advice).

 

I'm going to post some links to some success stories and other information on disclosure, including a Blog I wrote about Disclosure this morning. I'd say we have a roughly 4:1 ratio of "Success:Unsuccessful" disclosures on here ... so don't let the stigma and fear hold you back... ok?

 

A couple quick things: Have the Disclosure handouts from here with you when you talk to them and point them to this site and the links below for information, or the CDC and Westover Heights. Tell them to stay the hell off Google Images and to be very careful about where they get any info from because there's a lot of crappy sites out there. Get informed about the facts (do you know if you have H1 or H2? It helps to know so you can give accurate facts to the other person).

 

Handouts: http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

http://www.cdc.gov/std/Herpes/STDFact-Herpes-detailed.htm

 

http://herpeslife.com/how-can-you-get-herpes/

 

 

http://herpeslife.com/using-herpes-as-your-wing-man/

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

 

Success Stories: Just a small handful of the over 30 I collected since January ... you can follow the link to the Success Story category on the right for more if you need to get more inspiration :)

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3036/i-had-the-herpes-talk-and-he-said-thisisgoingtobeok

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3439/tonight-is-my-night NSgreenville (male) (READ TO THE END!!)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3453/proper-vocabulary-i-have-herpes-vs-im-a-carrier-of-hsv blueeyes… ending 8 yr dry spell from terror to elation

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3736/disclosed-to-the-guy-i-like-on-the-first-meeting Helzbelz88

 

 

Herpes facts video

[ladymdlove]

My buddy did not pass it on to anyone. She does not know. She introduced me and the guy. Thanks for all the information. I have to get up the courage to have that talk. It will be my first. It is HPV2.

 

[WCSDancer2010]

Ah - I misunderstood your story ...

 

Read all you can on here ... that will help a LOT ... esp the success stories ... the more and better informed you are, the more confident you will be and the easier it will be.

 

We're here to support you through this... good luck and keep us posted....

[ladymdlove]

Thanks so much. I appreciate your help.