Are there statistics on how likely a partner is to be infected with HVS2 from manual genital petting

[sadienick]

I am considering entering a sexual relationship with someone and I have disclosed to him that I have herpes. I think he's a little paranoid, but please let me know what you think. He believes that it is unsafe for him to manually stimulate my clitoris. He thinks there is enough risk of him contracting herpes that he does not want to have any manual contact with my clitoris. If we do get together I will have enough warning to be on suppressive therapy for a few weeks before contact. I would also tell him if I was having an outbreak or felt one coming on. I would make sure that he checked his hand to make sure he didn't have any open sores or abrasions as well. I believe that taking these precautions will virtually eliminate his risk of being infected from manual stimulation. The reason he is paranoid about it is that he is married, but with virtually no sex life. I understand his situation and am not even asking for intercourse with a condom. He also believes that people on a forum like this would lie about his actual chances of being infected in this manner. Also does anyone have statistics on this sort of thing?

 

SN

[WCSDancer2010]

@sadienick

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

To my knowledge there are not stats on manual petting - but there ARE facts on full-on genital sex... we have the stats here on the handouts .... most were taken from the CDC Fact Sheet and the rest can be found on the Westover Heights Clinic manual. He needs to know that there would be no benefit to us lying here -

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

http://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/stdfact-herpes.htm

http://www.westoverheights.com/herpes_handbook/index.html (pg 15 onwards for stats)

 

So going on the statistics - Assuming you have HSV2 his risk is about 4-5% of getting H from full on sex with no meds/condom. Meds would cut his risk by 50% and same with condom so we are now talking about a 1-2% risk with full on genital to genital contact. So if he stops and thinks, manual stimulation will be much, MUCH lower ... well below .5%. He'd just want to wash his hands before touching himself if he's *that* paranoid.

 

Now, I want YOU to think about something. The way he is reacting doesn't sound like someone who will want to take any risk to be with you ... he doesn't sound like he has any intention of leaving his wife. Your having Herpes is showing that by his reaction. So you need to think about what YOU want out of this, because I'm willing to guess that you will not get anything more than whatever sex he is willing to have with you. If that's ok with you, then the rest is your personal business. But please, don't compromise what YOU want just for whatever intimacy he is willing to give you. There are tons of success stories on here about discordant couples (one H+, one H-) on here.... where the H- partner had a better attitude towards the H+ partners condition and what it means in the relationship. Read this .... perhaps it will help you to see the situation in a different light ;)

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

 

(((HUGS))) and good luck ... we're here if you need us :)

[whitedaisies]

OMG run away friend!

 

This is not the right guy to do this with....and not b/c he's married...it's all the other red flags that are coming up....just saying....you can totally ignore me but if he is afraid to touch you with his hand, what are you going to do sexually with him if he won't do that....I can't imagine genital to genital contact is an option or oral to genital for that matter....so what's the fun of going to all that trouble?

 

Lots of guys will be willing to risk (small risk) being intimate with you....if this guy thinks everyone lies...he won't believe a word you say on the matter...I wouldn't waste your time.

 

Hey, I hear you about wanting some sexual contact....I AM SOOOOO THERE!!! But this kind will just make you feel less than and I don't want you to feel that way.

 

The choice is yours....usually I am not this opinionated and Dancer can attest to that....it's up to you and I hope all goes well.

 

Good luck!!!

[sadienick]

Thanks so much for answering my question! I totally agree that he sounds like he doesn't want to take any risk to be with me. It is starting to make me feel badly about myself that he wouldn't even risk touching me with his hand. We have been considering entering into a friends with benefits type of relationship very occasionally. Neither of us wants to leave our spouses. I will give him the information and the links. Thanks again!

[whitedaisies]

Good luck

[WCSDancer2010]

It is starting to make me feel badly about myself that he wouldn't even risk touching me with his hand.

 

ANYONE who makes you feel bad about yourself is not healthy for you friend. ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

[whitedaisies]

Been there ....done that....ended with herpes and a broken heart.

[seeker]

for future reference, not for this guy. surgical glove and water based lube for the win!!! ;)