Step One: Telling my story.

[Jennie]

I was recently (officially) diagnosed with genital herpes. I am uncertain which type but until I see my doctor again, which will hopefully be soon, I assume it is hsv-2.

 

Here it goes... I recently got out of a four year relationship. Never in that time have I knowingly experienced an outbreak. One year into this relationship my boyfriend at the time experienced what he feared was an outbreak. I did not believe it was herpes, how could that be possible?! We were faithful to each other and intimate with each other for a year! So being obsessive me I scoured the internet - male yeast infections and herpes outbreaks could be mistaken for each other.. I found my scape goat. Along with my convictions that the doctors were incompetent as they only looked at his "outbreak" and diagnosed him. No swabs, no blood tests, the hell? To be safe, I got blood tested at my own doctors. I never received the results and had been back several times after my test so I assumed it was negative.

 

Let me also note that I was immediately to blame for him having herpes. I didn't see how damaging his blame was to me at the time but why? I have only slept with two people! Life is not fair.

 

Any ways, after his symptoms cleared up, it was like all of it never happened. We literally forgot about it and were together another three years without either of us experiencing any kind of symptoms. I was young and dumb and did not protect myself like I should have. So who knows how long I have actually had it? Could have been since the very first time we had sex or the very last, somewhere in between...

 

After we broke up - which was a terrible and prolonged break up - I started seeing an amazing guy who could make me smile again, who could make me laugh and feel confident and amazing. We hung out for a while and our connection was electric! And the sex.... wow. And there was little ol' naïve and stupid me completely oblivious. Herpes didn't even cross my mind! Yet suddenly there was a nasty (can I call it a rumor if it turns out to be true?).. well people were telling the new guy I was seeing that I had herpes and he finally worked up the courage to ask me. When he did I felt like an elephant was dropped on me. Immediately I denied it! Of course! But then the memories came back and I told him that I would get tested. That very same week I had a uti and got treated for it, that is when the symptoms started coming. I couldn't believe it, I stressed myself into my first outbreak!

 

I got tested but told the doctor I wasn't experiencing symptoms - there were no bumps or anything, just the tingling at that time. I waited over a week. The doctor called me at 9 at night and I missed the call. He left a voicemail saying everything was all set! I was with my guy when I listened to the voicemail, it was an amazing feeling, though I was confused. Suddenly I get a call from an unknown number and they wouldn't stop calling til I answered. It was the doctor again. He clarified that everything was fine *except for the herpes. Wow. I think that little hiccup just made it all worse. I told my guy right away before I lost the nerve. I cried and cried, my biggest concern was that I could have given it to him. This boy that I care so much about! I was terrified he would hate me. He took my hand and said he didn't want me out of his life, he wanted to see where this goes. Honestly I think that saved my life. I considered suicide so often the past two weeks. So often.

 

The next day I called for a prescription - since I now knew what I was experiencing is the big H. I got medicine but still haven't been able to get an appointment. Now, what seems like so much later, but has only been ten days, I'm on the last of my meds and it seems to just be getting worse.

 

A few days ago I felt almost 100% again, so I shaved. Now today a bunch of little bumps showed up and I only have one more day of medication left. I am so frustrated! I know my guy is getting frustrated with me too, because I've been so depressed. This is so trying on a new relationship and I'm trying to keep my head up, but this is where I am at right now...

 

So there's my story.

 

[WCSDancer2010]

@Jennie

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

First - when you post, only hit the Post Comment button once ... it may look like it's not going through, but it will. If you are uncertain, highlight and copy what you just wrote and then go check to make sure it went through ;)

 

BF #1 ... well, you *may* have given him HSV1 with oral sex. Or you *may* have carried it from your previous relationship and not known it. Or he may have had it all that time. 80% of people with H don't know they have it.

 

Your OB - the odds are 50/50 that you have H1 or H2. 50% of all new H cases are HSV1 from oral sex. If you gave your other BF genital H1, it's also entirely possible you got it back from him with regular sex ... even though you may have the antibodies to it (if you have it orally ... and you may not know it) there's still a chance that you could get it genitally at another time. Given how fast you seemed to be healing, I'm guessing you have H1... but the swab will tell. Get a paper copy of the results so you have it for future reference. (you should ALWAYS get a copy of your results for any tests)

 

Your naïvete is very, very common around Herpes. You are FAR from alone.... most people don't know all the facts, or even a few of the facts.

 

So- shaving irritated the area and made things worse. You may want to take it easy with the razor for a few weeks.... once your body gets it under control then you should be able to start shaving again.

 

You WILL be ok in the long run. 10 days into this is nothing. You'll have a total of about 4000 weeks on this earth - in the long run this should be a blip on your timeline.... I've had it 35 yrs and it's really not a problem for me ... it's only occasionally caused challenges in my life, but nothing I couldn't overcome ;)

 

Check these links out ... they will help you to start to understand the virus... then come back for any support, questions, or rants ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/easy-simple-self-help-tips-for-relief-from-herpes-outbreaks/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/

 

Herpes facts video

[Jennie]

Thank you and sorry about the numerous posts! I couldn't figure out how to delete them when I realized.

 

I've never had any signs of a cold sore! In any case, its pointless to be so concerned where it came from, only that I now know the truth and can do something to better myself and protect the people I care about.. My next step is to make a follow up appointment and that is when I'll be sure to figure out which type it is.

 

One day at a time!

Thank you

[WCSDancer2010]

No problem about the multi-posts.... it's a glitch in the system that Adrial hopes to address soon but he's had his hands full with the H Opp weekend that is coming up next weekend, and putting the finishing touches on the Home Study course that is currently in Beta mode. I've just learned to trust that it went through when I hit send and nothing seems to happen :)

 

So many struggle with the first few weeks (as you obviously did ... H is certainly not worth killing yourself over!) .... So I'm glad that you are starting to see that Herpes is something that you just need to educate yourself about and learn to manage. It's great that your BF is so supportive ... but it's going to be hard for him to see you upset (guys just want to fix things and make them better!). So come here as much as you need to for support, to vent, whatever ;)

 

Just know that you are FAR from alone. That one in 4 or 5 of the people around you have it ... and that the vast majority just don't know they have it ... but it's there, and we are working on this end to educate and eventually make a change to how H is handled by the medical community and Big Pharma.

 

(((HUGS)))