confused...

[mom2aprincess09]

I joined this forum in mid September, while having what I believe was my 2nd outbreak... it went away within a week and I thought it would be another 2 months before anything showed up again. I was fine last night, no signs or symptoms. After being physical with my bf, I woke up a few hours later the redness. And now the blisters are back at this point. I'm just so confused. If the transmission rates when not having an outbreak are so low why is it that so many people catch it?? I'm so scared about passing this to someone else. I've been careful lately but I'm still very concerned. I've been doing so much research but the numbers don't really seem to be accurate. The way it says it's broken down seems like it's just not right if I caught it from being with someone only a few weeks before I caught it... if he wasn't having any symptoms then the studies say my chances were around 10% (per year of normal sexual activity)... I just don't know.. and I thought with time outbreaks would decrease and become easier to damage. Not the complete opposite...

[WCSDancer2010]

I thought with time outbreaks would decrease and become easier to damage.

 

Well, you have had Herpes what? 2-3 months? Yes, the OB's will decrease WITH TIME .... 2-3 months in the timeline of your life is nothing. It takes 6 months to a year for the body to make enough antibodies to gain some form of control over the virus... and in that time, you are also learning how to manage your OB's. You are learning what your triggers are, and what works for you to hit it externally (some people use Hydrogen Peroxide, or Epsom Salts baths, and I use Alum to attack it externally to help my body beat it back faster).

 

If the transmission rates when not having an outbreak are so low why is it that so many people catch it??

 

Most people get it from someone who doesn't know they have it ... usually because they didn't use a condom (tho there are those who actually got it with a condom because the person is shedding in an area outside of that area). Often from oral sex.

 

it's just not right if I caught it from being with someone only a few weeks before I caught it..

 

Look at how may girls get pregnant while on B/C ( risk is 1-2%) ... my oldest daughter is one of those cases. It just take ONE time where all the risk factors line up ... the person is shedding, that parts rubs on you, you perhaps have an irritated follicle from shaving or get rubbed during sex, and wallah, you got Herpes. If any of those things didn't happen, you wouldn't have got it.

 

Your risk of dying in a car accident is about 2% ... Does that keep you from getting behind the wheel? Does it keep you from taking passengers with you? (You are putting them at risk too). NO. You just take all the precautions you can to keep everyone safe.... AND, shit happens sometimes and people get hurt and killed.

 

Life comes with risk. Sex comes with risk. Sometimes we just lose the crap shoot. But I'll take Herpes over the myriad of other things that may affect my health .... in the 35 yrs I've had it, I can say that while I had a few rough spells with it, it's generally been a blip in my timeline.....

 

(((HUGS)))

[mom2aprincess09]

I think I'm just upset because I didn't think I could ever be that 4%.. I guess it's something I can protect my partner from now that I know about it. I'm ok with having this because it doesn't really bother me it just annoys me that I wasn't informed... looking back now, I know he knew. And if he had just told me I wouldn't have left. I would have just been careful. Feels like a punishment for thinking I was invincible. I know I'm ok and I'll still live a regular life, it's just still hard to try and convince others about this being a minor issue. Like how do I convince someone their chances are minuscule (if I'm taking medication) when I got it after only being with someone a couple times.. I guess it's also my luck that it was easier for me as a woman to be infected than it is for me to pass this to my partner.. I'm really just mad at myself at this point and the choices I made. The ob's are just a little reminder of how dumb I was. @wcsdancer2010

[WCSDancer2010]

Male-female rates for HSV2 are 10% without any protection ... the 4% rate is F-M ... we are more susceptible because of the folds in our skin and the fact that the vagina is a great place for it to take hold.

 

The difference between how you got it and the risk to a future partner? Well, again, F-M transmission is about half of M-F .... and it sounds like your guy lied ... and you would take the meds and/or condoms. You would give them a CHOICE that you were not given... that's a huge difference.

 

A lot of the issue is the lack of education around the most recent advances in our understanding of STD's ... hopefully we will manage to change that in the future. ;)

[mom2aprincess09]

I'm not sure if you could answer this but I'm trying to understand how passing it to someone actually happens. Where my blisters show up isn't down by the vaginal opening. It's more external, higher up and in the hairs... I don't get any sores anywhere in the pink fleshy areas... so if say I'm all clear when I'm going to be physical with my partner, could I still be having asymptomatic shedding where I don't usually have sores? In some positions he wouldn't have any skin to skin contact with the area I usually have an ob, with or without protection. Seems like the condom would be pointless when I'm not having an ob... I'm trying to make sure that even though I'm symptom free that I'm still protecting my -h partner... I do plan on having more children in the near future so I would like to take all precautions and understand how it transmits. @wcsdancer2010

[WCSDancer2010]

*Generally*, we are told that the virus sheds where we acquired it ...which is should be where we get our OB's. OB's are basically shedding on steroids .... so once you have had the virus for about 6 months, *odds are* you have had your OB's wherever you are going to get them and that's a good indication of where your "hot spots" are.

 

So yes, it's reasonably safe to assume at that point that you will only be shedding in the area where the OB's usually are. I'm going to insert a *however* here ... I personally would add that if you are getting anything in any other area ... pimples (which you will be pretty sure are pimples after awhile ... you get to know the difference), tingling sensation, a rub from sex/underwear, *I* personally avoid sex then because often while it's likely ok, it's a stress on that area of my body and I'd just rather play it safe and find other ways to be intimate. If anything, I've had a richer sex life because of this policy because I'm sure that 99% of the time it wasn't H ... but it didn't stop us from having fun some other way ;)

 

I also suggest that you take ALL precautions with new partners until you both are sure that you are both comfortable with each other, the relationship, and where H fits in. For instance, just because you say to the guy "Well, if we do this position, we can go without a condom" won't mean that he won't suddenly decide to change positions and in the heat of the moment things happen ... and while odds are it would be ok, YOU are the one who will have sleepless nights worrying. So until you know if he will listen to you when you say "no .... not that tonight", I'd play it safe and use a condom whatever. :)

 

(((HUGS)))

[mom2aprincess09]

Thank you so much! @wcsdancer2010