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I found out today...

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Whew! Today has certainly been a roller coaster, as many of you have talked about in your posts.


Just a little bit of background: I am a 19-year-old female who has been in an on-again, off-again relationship with the same guy for over a year. We have actually been back together for exactly 10 months today, and things in our relationship have improved so much since we were going through all of that break-up-and-get-back-together-a-day-later drama. I lost my virginity to him. I have rarely used condoms, as I have a latex allergy, and have only used them when I've done something wrong with my birth control. I've tried multiple non-latex condoms, and they've all just hurt, even with lubricant. If you have any recommendations, please let me know!


Anyway, we were completely broken up for a period of a few months last year. In the meantime I met a few guys who caught my eye, and his family pressured him to get back together with his previous girlfriend. He has sworn up and down that he did not have sex with any new partners during the period that we were broken up, as he had already obviously had sex with his previous girlfriend before me. My boyfriend has had sex with more girls than I would prefer, but I'm pretty sure I didn't get it from him. He had an ingrown pubic hair back in April that abscessed, so he had several STD tests done. I know that herpes isn't typically tested for, but I would imagine that the hospital would have considered that a possibility in this case. I don't think my boyfriend ever really asked what he was tested for because everything came back negative.


The first guy I had sex with post-breakup was a real charmer, but looking back I realize that he was quite sketchy. I developed feelings for him but was too upset over the breakup still to commit to anything and knew that it would only be a rebound relationship. I cut off contact when he asked if I was cool with having sex with all of his roommates. He told me that he had sex with 6 or 7 girls before me. I believe that he said he had only not used condoms with 1 or 2 of them (serious girlfriends). However, now I highly doubt what he said.


The next guy I met was someone visiting a guy who lived on my dorm floor. There's no easy or non-awkward way to say this, so I'll just come out and say it: He raped me. I know very, very little about him as a person, let alone his sexual history. My guess is that it's unlikely that I got it from him. He wore a condom (how considerate, right?), but I'm not sure if he kept it on the entire time. He was able to get it on so quickly, I'm sure he could've just as easily taken it off without me noticing in all of the fear and shock.


So after that, I went off the deep end and became very self-destructive. The first guy to show me any attention, I flung myself at. Definitely not a wise decision, but I'm sure I'm not the first girl to do that in that situation. We had sex pretty fast into our "relationship." We had feelings for each other and almost dated, but I think that my self-destruction and neediness at the time were too much for him to deal with. He told me the other day that he had sex with around 13 girls, about 5 of which he did not use condoms with. I don't recall the number being anywhere near that high.


Fast forward to this past Monday: I had UTI symptoms (burning, itching, frequent urination, etc.) and went to a Planned Parenthood clinic. I did indeed have a UTI and a bacterial infection (I started getting BV and yeast infections frequently once I switched to NuvaRing). I had noticed a pimple-like bump before the visit and brought that up. The doctor said that it was likely an infected sebaceous gland, but she decided to take a swab just to be on the safe side.


After finishing my antibiotics for the UTI, my symptoms had gotten a little better but gradually began coming back. I called back and was told to come in again. As I was sitting in the examination room, my results came back in. Positive. It hurt, even though I half-suspected it after all of the research I did and more bumps and lesions appearing. Not knowing for sure what was going on with me is worse than knowing. I've started my antiviral, and my boyfriend will be getting tested on Monday. He's very supportive. He's not angry with me. He says that he's going to stay with me even if he's negative (which is probably unlikely with the amount of times we've had unprotected sex). To me, I think that would be much easier said than done because that's an entire life of worrying about infection. He feels that it isn't really that big of a deal because it's not like it's a death sentence.


The lesions themselves aren't that bad. There was a day or two where walking hurt, but it's all manageable. What's not manageable is this muscle/bone/nerve/whatever it is pain. It feels like someone has hit my hip with a sledgehammer. It's so painful!


This forum has already helped me so much. I would like to say thank you. Any advice, tips, support, and the like will be much appreciated!


I could use some advice on telling the last guy. Unless he gave it to me, I would have exposed him. We know a lot of mutual people back in our hometowns. I'm terrified he will tell someone and everyone will find out. He's not a jerk by any means, but people do dumb things when they're scared.

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First - Hello and Welcome!


So - did they also run a blood test on you, or just the swab? There's 2 reasons for getting the blood test... 1) you know which one you have. You could have HSV2 (which you would have gotten from regular sex) or HSV1 (which could have got from oral OR genital sex, but odds are it would be oral based on the rate of shedding in the different areas... 50% of new genital case are HSV1) and 2) You would have an idea of how long you have had it - if you come up negative, you got it recently from your BF in which case you don't need to tell any past lovers. If it's positive, you've had it at least 4 months.


I would wait until you have that info before approaching any past lovers ... because if it's H1, you can tell them that if they test positive for H1 but never had a genital OB, they may want to ask their family if they ever had cold sores as a child.... as there's a good chance that they passed in on that way and they don't know about that risk. The more you know, the better you can inform them of their risks and what they need to know.


So you seem to be having trouble with the other prodromes/nerve symptoms. Have you tried any of the anti-virals? A short time on them may help to get things under control, and if by any chance your BF is H-, then it will help to protect him.


As for condoms, you may want to try the FC2 Female condom.... I'll post a link below. Some love it, some don't but it's worth a try ;)


I'll post things you can do to help reduce the OB's and some links that will give you the facts that you need to know. Feel free to ask anything ... we are a judgement free zone here :)









Links to some of the items suggested in the links

http://tinyurl.com/pmosahc Link to Alum




Handouts + disclosure e-book:



Herpes facts video
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Thank you so much for all of the info and links!


Just a swab. The doctor didn't think it was herpes so she didn't bother with any specific testing. I'll go get a blood test when I can, despite my horrible fear of needles. It's probably HSV2, though. I think only my boyfriend has performed oral on me, and he hasn't ever had a cold sore (though I'm sure HSV1 can be dormant as well). Guy #4 may have performed oral on me, but that was almost a year ago, so I can't quite remember. Asking him if he's ever had a cold sore may be a little suspicious after I asked about past partners a few days ago lol. I came up with an allibi that I had been asked at the clinic if I knew my partners' past histories as routine STD testing questions when I had to go in for the UTI.


I started the antivirals last night. It's starting to feel a little better, but the doctor said it may be a slow start since this outbreak has gone untreated for at least 5 days. I kept waking up last night from the pain until I finally took some Tylenol. I didn't want to take any so that I'd know exactly how bad it could get for future reference and comparing with future OBs if I have any.


Is there any way to prevent the virus from spreading to other parts of my body, especially during an OB? I'm worried about getting it on my butt - that would make sitting literally a pain! Maybe the creams act as a barrier?

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Actually, it's a very valid question to ask about cold sores ... just tell him you just learned that you can get genital herpes from oral sex ... you are not blaming him, just looking for clarity ... as he wouldn't likely know about the possibility of passing Oral HSV1 to the genitals.


If you have had this awhile, it likely won't spread because you already have the antibodies. If it's a recent acquisition, then you just want to be very careful about touching the area then any place else when you have an OB. Use a separate washcloth. Soap will kill the virus so don't worry about wash time too much. Do the things in the first link (go commando, keep it dry, etc). I personally don't recommend creams or lotions until the area is healing. I found over 35 yrs of dealing with it that keeping it as aired and dry as possible does a whole lot towards helping it heal ... and my personal favorite to get it under control is Alum (as per the blog) ... if it's open, then it WILL sting... but it will dry it out fast. In future, if you use it, hit it with that as soon as you feel anything coming up and you can usually nip it before it heads up...

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Well, I think it's too late to avoid spreading. I think I have it in my crack, ugh. It hurts to wipe back there, but I'm also prone to anal fissures. With all of the irritation that may be what it is. I just don't have a way to look back there with my compact mirror. I can have my boyfriend go on an examining spree when he gets home lol.


I have a lot of discharge - enough that it soaked through an overnight pad, ugh. That's the second most uncomfortable thing behind the hip pain. I don't know if it's vaginal discharge or from the lesions. It may be because I just finished my period, but it was a really weird period - light pink after a few days, much shorter (if shorter periods are a result of an OB, I'll take that positive!). All of it is clear with some blood here and there. It seems serous, making me think it's from the lesions, but I can't imagine THAT much discharge is coming from them. Maybe it's from me starting the antiviral, like my immune system is starting to combat the virus and that's my vagina's way of trying to flush it all out? I don't know. I feel pretty dry now since my shower an hour or two ago.

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I had a pelvic exam Monday and she didn't see anything, but maybe it was too soon. I don't have any vaginal pain. I'd imagine I would if I had a bunch of blisters in there!


I keep forgetting I still have the bacterial infection as well. I started getting bacterial and yeast infections a lot when I started NuvaRing. I would have a lot of discharge with those, but not this much. This is super thin and clear. It's like blood plasma almost. I'm pretty sure it's coming from my vagina, as it feels like blood coming out during my period (sorry for the grossness/TMI lol). I'm sure my body is just freaking out right now trying to rid itself of everything. I'll go back Monday if things don't improve.


My mom also has H. She had a lot of discharge during her first OB. I remember her talking about needing to wear pads. I've been wearing them because I was on my period. We've had pretty much the exact same OB process, mine is just less severe pain-wise with the ulcers and she didn't have hip pain. It would just be nice to not have any discharge so everything could dry out and heal! I may have to invest in some tea tree oil.

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