Dim light at the end of the tunnel.....

[shoret21]

Hi, I’m a 27 year old single male and received the news of genital hsv1 two days ago. I understand that it is just the card that I have been dealt and something I will have to learn to deal with. However, it worries me to even think about telling a potential girlfriend. Coming from a small town I feel like anyone I knew here is out of the question because I don’t want the word to get out around town about my condition. I don’t have a problem with dating someone out of town but the fear of telling someone about this seems daunting. I feel like my chances of finding someone have been extremely reduced because of it. I understand I am still in the early stages of the initial shock but the light at the end of the tunnel seems pretty dim.

 

As far as finding someone goes, I’m kinda guessing here but going forward I think I will have to go on a few dates to see if I can see myself with “her”, and also see if she is even worthy of telling. Then disclose and deal with the repercussions? – Am I on the right track here?

 

I’m also wondering about other single males around my age (27) who have genital hsv1….and how it has affected their dating and sex life. I’m assuming getting oral sex is completely out of the question now considering we have the type that prefers the mouth?

 

[WCSDancer2010]

@shoret21

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

Well, it's good that you realize that this is the hand you were dealt. So I hope I can ease the few remaining fears that you have.

 

For one, you likely got this from Oral Sex ... given that 80% of the population has Oral HSV1 (and 80% don't know it) it also means that there is a VERY good chance that most future partners will already have the virus orally and/or genitally ;)

 

As far as finding someone goes, I’m kinda guessing here but going forward I think I will have to go on a few dates to see if I can see myself with “her”, and also see if she is even worthy of telling. Then disclose and deal with the repercussions? – Am I on the right track here?

 

Yup - spot on! Perhaps the drunken one-night-stands will be out, but IMO that's not a bad thing for most people. I hear people on here all the time who say they are THANKFUL for the excuse to stop that because they would do it then regret it later.... and that they now wish to at least make sure that there is *some* connection before engaging in sex (even if "relationship" isn't necessarily what both are looking for).

 

I tell people all the time that Herpes is your Wingman... it makes you slow down and really get to know the other person better. It makes you think about whether they DESERVE to know that part of you. When you disclose, their reaction tells you a LOT about them (not that they won't choose to discontinue the relationship but HOW they do it tells you if they are worthy of potential friendship after)... check this blog I wrote about it out ... it may help you to really see the "opportunity" of dating with Herpes ;)

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

 

And this story of a gentleman on here who has H (can't remember which one) and his story of finding true love :)

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3439/tonight-is-my-night

 

Check out Adrails handouts and video - that may help you learn a bit more so you become more comfortable with how H will fit into your life

 

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

Herpes facts video

[shoret21]

thanks for your kind words. I enjoyed reading your blog as well.