Guilt

[ivoryrain]

My boyfriend's results came back positive, as I suspected they would after being together for a while. I know that it's impossible to tell who gave it to whom, but I just feel so guilty. I'm pretty sure that I gave it to him. He had an abcess from an ingrown hair back in maybe February or March, so they tested him for H to rule it out. He was negative, so they put him on antibiotics and the abcess went away. Unless he has been unfaithful, which I absolutely have no reason to suspect, or he contracted it from his ex and simply didn't have the antibodies yet, I was likely the one who gave it to him. Sometimes I just look at him and think, "I probably gave him an incurable STD. He has to live with this, likely all because of me being too naive to be regularly tested. What a terrible thing that is."

 

I just don't want to be so hard on myself because if I did give it to him, I obviously had no idea I had this. And as I stated before, I know that it's impossible to tell who gave it to whom, so I know logically that feeling guilty is just a waste of energy. However, I've suffered from severe depression for about 10 years, so me knowing something logically doesn't stop the guilt, shame, or whatever terrible feeling I have about a situation.

 

Does anyone have any advice or tips or anything to help me feel less guilty? :(

[WCSDancer2010]

He had an abcess from an ingrown hair back in maybe February or March, so they tested him for H to rule it out. He was negative, so they put him on antibiotics and the abcess went away.

 

Well, if they only tested him with a swab, it doesn't mean he was H- at the time. Just means that that particular spot was an ingrown hair and not herpes ;)

 

So - try this. Talk to yourself in a mirror when you feel guilty. Talk to that person as though they were a friend who came to you with your story ... what would you tell them? How would you support and love them? You are right - you were not to know that you had it (if you gave it to him) because our health care system has let us all down. So tell that beautiful person in the mirror that.

 

Love that person in the mirror .... help them to get through the feelings of shame and guilt and unworthiness like you would any of your friends. She needs you right now.... let her know you will stand with her through this, and you may find that a lot of your negative feelings go away :)

 

((HUGS)))

 

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