Herpes talk script please??

[Geminij]

So I've been thinking the next step in my journey needs to be to prepare a disclosure script in my head in the hope that this will help me feel more open to even getting to know people because at the moments im presenting myself as being unavailable just to avoid ever being in the situation where I might do it but do it wrong. I wondered if someone experienced could prepare me with a script that I could learn with some facts that I can memorise just so that if I ever got in a situation where I needed to disclose I could.

 

This whole thing still devastates me.

[WCSDancer2010]

I actually have come up with some sample disclosure talks ... the best policy for the first talk is KISS ... Keep It Simple Stupid ... so don't worry about statistics ... just keep a copy of the handouts with you so if they ask questions you can refer to it ;)

 

 

Disclosing GHSV2 - "I want to start this relationship with honesty and openness…. so I have something to tell you. You know the cold sores people get on their lips? I get a similar thing down there. Both are the Herpes virus. If I take suppressive meds and/or we can use condoms, and we don't touch me when I have any signs, we can reduce the risk of you getting it down to less than 2% ... If we use both it would be less than 1%. Given that 80% of people have herpes, you may have it and not know unless you specifically asked for the test anyway. I really like you and if we get physical I will do everything in my power to keep you from getting it. And in a way, I am safer than most because I KNOW I have it and how to manage it. Most people like me got it from someone that didn't know they have it or we were lied to.

 

Disclosing GHSV1 : Simplest way is to say "You know the cold sores people get on their lip? I get them down there. So if you've had a cold sore, you may have the antibodies and it would be difficult for you to get it from me. If you are not sure, then we need to be careful ... HSV1 doesn't shed much but I can take suppressive meds and/or we can use condoms until you get tested. 80% of people have HSV1 so you may have it and not know" …so it would be best if you get tested first so you know for sure. Here's a handout that has some statistics if you are interested...

 

 

[Geminij]

Thanks... The thing is im having doubts about which type I have. When I asked the health advisor on the phone she said yeah HSV 2 genital herpes, as though it was HSV 2 because of it's location, she didn't say it like she was reading test results if that makes sense- this is also the 'health advisor' that I spoke to the day before my diagnosis about the small itchy bumps and rash around my vagina to which she said it's not herpes because herpes is painful it doesn't itch (when I was diagnosed the next day I cried and told the doctor and the doctor submitted a formal complaint on my behalf) ... So I'm not really sure which type I have.. It reoccurrrs a loot which would suggest hsv2 but I duno.. Maybe I just have to explain j don't know which type IT is...

[Geminij]

The truth is I just dong know how I will ever find the strength to do this

[WCSDancer2010]

Well personally I would ask for a printed copy of your results for your records... fact is, ANY TIME you have ANY testing, you need to ask for a printed copy for your records ... because you never know when you will need them again. So give the office a call and get that so you know for sure what you have.

 

And we are here when the time comes for you to disclose. Please *try* to believe me that disclosing can bring you CLOSER to the RIGHT person ... and it will help you to see who is the WRONG person is ...because whether you tell a friend or a potential lover, you really need to get to your CORE that *if* someone acts with a bad reaction/disgust... that tells you VOLUMES about who that person IS and it has NOTHING to do with you or with herpes. Why have people around you who are not understanding, compassionate, loving, and accepting of ALL of who you are?

 

I know that the thought is scary and overwhelming ... try to use this time to work on loving yourself and sitting with the belief that YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE ...

 

(((HUGS)))

[ediblewoman]

Hey there,

 

Maybe it would help to hear from the perspective of the person receiving the news. Two years ago I starting dating my lovely boyfriend who has herpes. After a few weeks of dating we were laying together on my bed and he told me he had something to tell me and my heart sank. He looked really nervous/serious/embarrassed and said I want to honest with you and I hope that regardless of how you feel about what I tell you you can keep this conversation private. At this point I was kind of panicked but said ok. He just "I have herpes",straight and simple. I was a bit caught off guard and said just said ok. He told me that he understood if I didn't want to see him anymore but that if I did I should know that he would do everything possible to keep me "clean" (I don't like this word).

 

At that point I was scared but I felt so close to him because he had told me something that obviously was very difficult to share. I told him I still wanted to be with him and thanked him for being honest and for being brave enough to share with me. I asked him if I could ask him questions and we had a long chat. I told him if we were to continue dating I'd want the both of us to go see my dr together so we could learn more about managing it and keeping me from getting it. It was one of our first challenges as a couple but in a way I feel so lucky that it happened because we are so open with one another and he's not alone with his secret anymore.

 

My advice to you, just be honest and take your time. You'll weed out people who don't want to take the time to learn and the jerks who react ignorantly.

 

I would start by saying; This is really hard for me to say because of stigma out there,but I have a herpes. I really care about you and would like to keep seeing you,I understand this might be frightening news to you,but I think if you're open to talking about it, you might feel more comfortable.

 

And then you'll see how they react. Be strong, be vulnerable,inform yourself and others and be kind to yourself. You'll be ok!

[WCSDancer2010]

@ediblewoman

 

Thank you sooo much for your perspective ... especially from a woman (we had a few guys on here awhile back who would have LOVED to hear your experience because we are so female-heavy with posters on here ;) )

 

It's true ... though I know hard to believe for many of the newly diagnosed ... that H can bring you CLOSER because it forces you to be vulnerable ...which many will avoid like the plague if they can avoid it ..

 

Beautifully put... thanks again :)