What happens now?

[golden_panacea5]

Hello everyone,

I came across this website trying to find some sort of comfort in the situation I've gotten myself into.

A little information on me, I'm in my mid 20's and I've only had one sexual partner, I wanted to wait until I found the "right guy" (oops), found out he was definitely the wrong person, in his late 20's and I was just turned 19, it was toxic and public, not to mention a total humiliation to me because everyone started to see his real side and I was blind to it. We used protection, but towards the end of our engagement, we decided to be careless and move towards possibly having a baby, which never happened, thank god. I was raised sheltered and that my main goal in life was to find love and have a family. Anyway. It's been three years since I've been with anyone and I haven't been sexually active because I haven't dated since and its taken me a long time to get my life back on track and I'm so happy to say that I've rebuilt my life back.

 

Now here comes the point of my thread. I've always gotten irritation from pads and what not during my cycle, but since I've been taking health classes on the subject, I started to see that HSV-2 could be the reason why I have this issue once in a blue moon. It's never been full blow outbreak like the pics I've googled but from what the nurse and research as told me, there really could be no other reason for the symptoms that I do have.

When it happens I don't have typical symptoms but I've learned that everyone is different. I'm 95% sure that I'm infected, and since then I've literally made myself sick to my stomach thinking about it. I've lost my appetite almost completely, but I'm not really complaining, the weightloss feels like a bonus for the internal battle going on in my body. It's been a few months since I've suspected but Christmas was my last (outbreak), I made an appointment for labs and results will come two weeks after that. Part of me doesn't want to know and the other half of me know that if I want a shot at a healthy relationship I have to know, because worse than anything for me would be to give this to anyone. It would kill me to be the cause of another person's pain living with this.

I haven't spoken to anyone about this but the nurse that I saw about it. Thankfully she was kind and extremely sensitive towards the possibly outcome. She told me to look at it as a sexually transmitted skin condition that I have to be cautious about and that in reality the "burden" of having to tell someone if I am positive for it, is the same even if I didn't have it because the discussion should always come up regardless for safety reasons.

She also wasn't happy to see that when I had an STD screening after he and I broke up, they didn't test me for HSV-1 and HSV-2. I thought I was in the clear this whole time.

 

So right now my head is still in a dark place, but I've slowly accepting that my life may change. I worry that all my progress and accomplishments will be over shadowed by this, it will be my fault, I know, if I decided to look at it this way. And I know that I'm not defined by this and that I'm still the same person regardless. All I can think of is, most people if they lived my life wouldn't have had the strength to go on, but I choose to keep moving because I couldn't give up because of something temporary but this would be permanent. It's not something to jump off a bridge over, I know that. I won't lie though, it was the first thing I thought of but then I thought, " Um, if you were happy yesterday before you knew, why can't you still be the same happy tomorrow? You're still the same person just will new information about yourself." So I'm positive towards being positive and my outlook on life, as hard as it will be, will remain, positive! If that makes sense.

 

I'm here because I had to tell someone before it destroys me. My reason for being here is to hear from others, and not feel so alone. I've never had a secret like this before. It literally hurts to lie when I'm asked why I look so down or like I'm somewhere else.

 

As for my ex and possible giver of this STD, I can't ask him because he will as he always does, publicly announce my concern all over social media, because he will try to tarnish me before I could ever possibly do it to him. I've never done anything like that to him, he is strange that way. He's hateful and cruel. I wouldn't get anywhere with him if I asked anyway. And he would get a lot of joy from holding my secret over my head as blackmail. I haven't spoken to him in 2 years. I cut him out completely when his friends told me all the rumors he spread about me when we broke up, his way of getting me before I got him. Which was weird because I never talked bad about him and never planned to... my plan was to have a clean and mature break up. Like I said it was toxic and mentally exhausting to walk on egg shells around him when we did date. I'm angry thinking that he may know he has it and didn't care knowing that I was a virgin and my views on giving that part of myself to him.

 

Sorry for the long post. I just had to finally tell someone and get this off my shoulders before I'm crushed by it.

 

Thanks. :)

[WCSDancer2010]

@golden_panacea5

 

First hello and welcome.

 

I have to honestly say I don't believe that you have herpes. But its good that you're getting tested just for your peace of mind and your information. I think you just happened to get very sensitive during your period and perhaps a change of pads or tampons might be in order. Do either of those things that you are using happen to have any kind of deodorant or any other substance in them? Because if they do, you might actually be allergic to something in the pads. ;)

 

However if you do happen to have herpes, you shouldn't be beating yourself up about this. This is totally not your fault, it's incredibly common even the most careful situation because, as you have learned, we aren't necessarily tested for herpes when we get our STD test and most people don't know that. So whatever happens, please stop blaming yourself and stop beating yourself up. There's a lot of really good, smart, incredibly intelligent people who have done everything right in their relationships have ended up with herpes.

 

I've had this for 35 years, & I can tell you that ultimately it's only as big a deal as you make it. Yes there is the disclosure issue, but that can often lead to stronger, and deeper relationships, because it helps you to weed out the people in your life who are judgemental and small minded. We like to say that herpes can be your Wingman, because it generally makes us slow our initial part of a relationship down so we get to know the person better. It doesn't mean that everything will always be perfect, but it does help with weed out a lot of people that would bring us pain or just not be a good fit for us.

 

So when do you get your results back? Remember if you come back positive for HSV1, you may well have it orally and not know it...so it doesn't mean you have genital herpes.... if you ever had a cold sore as a child (you may have to ask about it) odds are you will be positive for HSV1.... but not where you think you have it right now...but sadly the tests can't tell you WHERE you have it :(

 

 

(((HUGS)))

[golden_panacea5]

Thank you so much for commenting and being so welcoming! I feel a little more at ease after reading what you wrote.

I hope you're right about it not being herpes, but I've pretty much prepared myself for a positive result for having it, only because I assume that if it was just a reaction rather than herpes, it would happen more often and wouldn't produce a clear fluid. Sorry for being graphic.

 

I thought about what you said about how the herpes discussion could create a stronger relationship and I think you're right. It would be a way to weed out the right guy for me because the 3 things I've always looked for: Kindness, understanding and doesn't burden me with his judgments. Those were the 3 things that always lacked in my past relationship. The thought of it being a "wingman", made me laugh but it is a good way to look at it.

 

I've slowly become more accepting of the possibility of being infected, but it's still in the back of my head. I'm always looking around wondering how many people in my class may have it, if they live happy lives, would any of these guys in my class treat me less if they knew I may have it... But I try to block it out.

 

Unfortunately, I woke up this morning with a cold sore on my gum, which I haven't had a cold sore in a longtime but I thinking that stressing myself out about this and starting a new busy semester may why. I'm a mess.

 

These past few months just keep getting worse and now to have a cold sore in my mouth is just horrible. The pain of a cold sore in my mouth is 10x more painful than the sore I get down there during a bad menstrual.

 

Again I want to tell you that I appreciate you taking time to talk to me about this. Regardless of whether I have it or not, I believe now that I've had this experience, I'm going to start being more talkative about STDs rather than letting stereotypes continue. All the nonsense you hear about herpes and the stigma that hangs over it, makes people so ignorant to what it is, how you get it, who gets it or how you perceive yourself if you ever become infected. My lack of knowledge about herpes, caused me to instantly label myself as dirty, shameful, and worthless, because that is what I picked up from friends, movies, and jokes I've heard. I have younger relatives that look up to me, they will eventually start dating, accidents happen and if one of them ever contracts something, I would hate for them to feel ashamed because they weren't taught the facts outside of what society says about STDs.

 

Anyway. Thank you again :)

[Beachdude1984]

Dancer addressed your concerns about genital herpes quite well. But I have to ask about your cold sore inside your mouth. Oral herpes , aka cold sores, rarely occur inside the mouth. Have you ever been diagnosed with oral herpes by a doctor? If not, I'd be willing to bet that you are getting canker sores, which are very often confused for cold sores, but are not viral and not contagious.

[WCSDancer2010]

I was just about to address that as well @BeachDude ...

 

He's right - Cankar sores are usually caused by an imbalance in the mouth (often brought on my stress) ... I used to get them as well, and stress would bring them out faster than it ever bought on my Herpes... (I had a HORRID one on the day I got married ... but no H outbreak :p ).

 

Try swishing with salt water, and get some Cloraseptic or similar spray for sore throats (you want something that will numb it) ... and a really GOOD yogurt drink may help to re-establish balance in the mouth (try to find a locally produced one that isn't over-processed so there are lots of good LIVE cultures)....

[jjjim15]

i read that most people dont know they have herpes so why are we here having so meny problems and outbreaks

[WCSDancer2010]

@jjjim15

 

Because Herpes just plain affects everyone differently ... because everyone's body chemistry and stress levels (both of which affect outbreaks) is different. Just as some have a one or two really small OB's and then nothing while others have extreme reactions.....

 

AND there is a distinct possibility that some have a genetic "resistance" to OB's ... there's so much we don't know about genetics even now ... but I know they found that 1% of people have a gene that makes totally protects them from getting HIV ... so why couldn't there be a gene that helps to at least slow down the Herpes virus from causing physical OBs? ... It's entirely possible.

 

Basically, Herpes is just plain a complicated virus... Hunter Handsfield is Professor Emeritus of Medicine at the University of Washington Center for AIDS and STD. In this blog http://thehairpin.com/2013/11/how-i-found-out-i-didnt-have-the-herpes-id-been-living-with-for-four-years he stated

 

It’s one of the hardest STDs to teach to medical students, he said, and he dedicates more time lecturing about it than almost any other infection. “

[golden_panacea5]

Well one summer my friend and I both went out to lunch with one another and two days later the inside of my mouth was covered in these little white patches that spread from what started in my inner lip and days later to my tongue and then the roof of my mouth. After a little over a week of the worst pain ever I decided to go to the ER and the doc took one look inside my mouth and said they were cold sores. He also gave me a prescription for numbing ointment that doesn't do much but for the pain and that he couldn't really do anything for me. So once they were gone I caught up with my friend who was m.i.a since we last saw each other and she told me that she had this explosion of painful white spots on her tongue. Her and I didn't share food the day we ate out but we did order the same thing. Every year something will trigger it and I'll get a small white patch in my mouth that eventually sprouts out smaller patches around the original sore.

The second time it happened, I went to the clinic because the pain is like trying to eat with a gash inside your mouth, the nurse said it's oral herpes and because it's in my mouth she assumes it's from oral sex. I had to stop her because oral sex was never my thing. Also I asked if she was able to diagnosis me... she lectured me on sex safety and kept referring to sex partner as "Partners" making me feel like she had stamped me as a tramp or something. The doc prescribed me acyclovir but told me it may not help but it was worth a try.

 

I've never been formally tested (yet), but so far just from health professionals looking at a potential cold sore, called it cold sores caused by HSV-1.

 

Oy, it's a lot to handle right now. I ran down to the drug store today and bought lysine, and have been eating lysine rich foods all day. Apparently this helps. The cold sores, since they occurred, are less painful and smaller as time goes on, but as serious as I take a cold sore, it doesn't make me feel as stressed out as the thought of HSV-2.

 

Thanks again guys! Wednesday I get labs and two wks after that I go back for results. I'll comeback for an update.

 

I'm so thankful for this website! :)

[Beachdude1984]

@jim15

 

To add to what Dancer said, according to the stats, 20% of H+ people will be asymptomatic, 60% of HSV+ people will experience symptoms so mild that they will not seek medical care and thus will likely never be diagnosed, and 20% of H+ will experience chronic episodes of moderate to severe symptoms that necessitate clinical treatment. Unfortunately, most of us on this site fall within the latter 20%.

 

@golden

 

I am still not convinced you have oral herpes. The likelihood of contracting oral HSV in the manner you described- from the food/cutlery/drinking glasses at a restaurant- are very slim to none. The chances that you AND your friend contracted oral HSV at the same time in this way are virtually impossible. Visual diagnosis is not sufficient. Many forms of non-viral mouth ulceration that resemble HSV are triggered by things such as stress, acidic and/or sugary foods, bacterial infections etc. I'm eager to learn of your test results, please keep us posted.

[WCSDancer2010]

@golden

 

I'm with @Beachdude... for several reasons:

 

Oral herpes very, very rarely occurs inside the mouth ... and again, Canker sores are NOT from Herpes... I invite you to read this from the Mayo Clinic so you will see where we are coming from

 

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/canker-sore/basics/definition/con-20021262

 

It's HIGHLY unlikely you won't get HSV1 orally from oral sex either... because the virus shed so little down below... so even if it was "your thing" the odds would be low that you would have got even the "real" cold sores that way :/

 

And certainly there is NO WAY you would have got Herpes from the resteraunt incident. It's more likely there was some kind of spice in the food that you both reacted to...or possibly that there was another (generic) virus going around that you both got. I personally will get ulcerous irritation if I eat too much pinapple and hard candy... especially sour hard candy... so food trigger would be my guess.

 

Even if you do test positive for HSV1, I would say you likely have either the traditional type (on the lip) or genitally ...what I suggest is next time you have this kind of OB that you go and ask to have it swabbed .... you may have to almost demand to have it done ... just tell them that it will put your mind to rest so you can leave it alone once you have your answer.

 

And write down the suggestions I made above so if you have another, you can try to get it to clear faster ... but don't do any of them till you get it swabbed so you can make sure to get a good culture ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

[seeker]

im going to throw my .02$ in ( its worth 36.57$) I get canker sores from too much vitamin c ( and im in florida where the whole state is awash in it) I also get little abrasions when I eat nacho chips and the salt doesn't help. it has caused me a moment pause since my diagnosis but thenj the rational brain does a beatdown on the emotional one and I realize its the aforementioned reasons.

thrush can also cause some funny stuff in the mouth. my sons mother got it while nursing and his mouth looked like he was rabid for a day, I almost drew a 666 on his head to freak her out but then I realized new mothers don't find that as funny as dads do.

[golden_panacea5]

Well I went and had labs done on Wednesday. Once again, I had an amazing nurse that despite my horrible veins and two different tries, was able to finally get a good sample before my vein blew out. She was so kind and when she asked what I was being tested for to confirm why I was there, she didn't even miss a beat or give me any weird look. I tend to over-think things so I went into my appointment preparing myself to be judged or something.

 

After I left the appointment, I actually felt better. It was finally over, now all I do is wait for the results.

 

I spoke to my mom about it. She is the queen of secrets so I knew I could cry on her shoulders. She's surprisingly calm about it all. I couldn't talk to her about it without having a giant lump in my throat. I informed her that if I'm positive, I'll be the same me and i'll go on the same way as before. When I talked about the discussion with a future partner though, I broke down. I've always looked forward to falling in love since I was a kid, I was in love with the idea of love and that's what got me into trouble. After 3 years of growing, maturing, and becoming my ideal person, I find out that this may hinder me in finding happiness romantically.

I told her that I'm afraid that even if the right guy accepts me, if we ever break up, what will happen if he goes and tells people? I'm so worried about anyone knowing if I do have hsv-2. I can't even hardly get the word out to call it herpes.

After I having a mini Meryl Streep moment, I made her laugh by laughing at myself for being so dramatic and we moved on to talking about a positive future.

 

My mom is an awesome woman. I tried pushing the fact that I'll be okay and she just gave me that look like " are you trying to convince me or yourself". She also know that I can give her healthy grandchildren in the future if I am positive. Honestly she couldn't care less because to her this doesn't seem like as big of a deal as I feel it is and I hope most people will see it that way because she has a good perspective on things like this even though she didn't really inform me of all the important sex ed things when I asked for it. I was always too young, for the talk and what I learned in school was "don't have sex and god won't punish you with an STD".... Ugh.

 

I'll give an update when I get my results. I think I'll be okay, I won't know until I know more.