help with telling my ex about herpes

[need2talk]

I just joined and I would like to say that you are all amazing people and have helped me already so much. Was do depressed and starting to realize that life will go on. I need help! I have been with this guy for the past 9 months and we had sex regularly unprotected. I found out he was a really bad guy and was cheating on me a lot and we broke up two months ago. I had my first outbreak a month ago and was tested positive for H2. Me and my ex have a lot of the same friends and we grew up in the same town. Everyone warned me not to.talk to him but I still did. My question is should I tell him I have it and risk him telling everyone we know because he is that type of guy or should I just let it be and move on with my life and if he has it he will figure it out on his own?

[cbk_always_honest]

That's a difficult situation. I understand your concern about him potentially making your status public.

 

Let's assume he doesn't know he has it, and that he would actually be concerned about passing it on. How would you feel if he passed it on to someone else you know? Even if he does know and doesn't care you can't know that unless you speak up. The only way to find out is to have that discussion. I would approach it from a position of concern about health.

 

Worst case scenario he tells about your status. To who? People you already both know (maybe a few you don't), and are likely to know about his cheating. Putting the pieces of where it came from wouldn't be too challenging then. If he outs you he does the same to himself. Which might be a good thing to point out if he says that's a direction he wants to go.

 

Ultimately though the decision is yours alone. Regardless we will still be here to offer any support we can. Good luck, let us know how everything goes.

 

:) CBK

[Sayyywhatt]

Just like cbk said how would you feel if he passed it on to someone else? If he outs you he's doing it to himself too. But you'll feel better once you let him know. Everything will turn pot in the end. :) well be here for you you can always inbox me and I'll be an H buddy with you if you needed one:) . Take care,<3, tiff.

[lelani]

Hey honey...he's a cheater and everyone knows it, enough to warn you about him? Well let him out you...he will just dig a deeper hole for himself. And if you feel silly for not listening to people who warned you - well I've made the same mistake in my life too. We all fall in love or lust sometimes with people who aren't good for us - that's nothing to be ashamed of either, we are just learning about love and what it is and what it isn't.

 

So if people know you have H and he was a cheater...cbk hit it on the head - people will put the pieced together and any judgement will no doubt be directed at him. And what a great opportunity to show grace and let the strength of your character to shine through. Yeah for your own peace of mind I think you need to tell him, imagine if he passed it on to someone else and you found out, and hadn't done anything about it.

 

I once told one of my ex husband's 'other woman' that I had contracted HPV from him through another 'other' woman (I knew he wouldn't tell her - cheaters are like that ;-) ). It was one of the most difficult things I have done in my life and one of the most empowering (she asked to meet me years later and thanked me for being honest and gracious). So in telling your ex, its not all about him or the issue of passing it on...its about growing in your own strength and grace. Sayyywhatt is right you will feel better :-).

 

Good luck and yeah I'm here for you too. x

 

 

[need2talk]

So i finally told my ex he needs to go get tested.for everything but I didn't tell him that I have H. So my ex being the pos that he is said he went on Wednesday and the yesterday (Friday) he said he is clean as a new born baby and to "fuck off" very mature. Can test results come back that fast? Knowing him he didn't even get tested or he already knew he had it and didn't care. I did tell his ex that he's been cheating.on me with that she needs to get tested also and she thanked me for warning her. Didn't want to say what I have so I'm not outed to mutual friends but at least I told them to get checked