I think he's changing his mind and might be ok with this all now... Over a month after ending things

[Blueskysagitarrius]

So I just had to share...

 

At the end of January I wrote about what happened when I disclosed to a guy I was dating. He seemed on the fence about it. He ended up eventually saying he wasn't ready to take that risk. It majorly sucked, but I understood. He was a great guy and sometimes you just have to be understand of how people are going to react.

 

It's been over a month now. I've thought about him from time and time. I was really disappointed by the way things went.

 

The other day he text me. He had gotten mono about the time I disclosed, so I figured he was checking in to see if he gave it to me (he didn't). But after a few texts back and forth he asked to take me to dinner, on a date, this weekend. So we have plans tomorrow!!!

 

Now, we haven't discussed the situation at all, so I don't want to get too far ahead of myself, but I am so unbelievably excited to see him!

 

Has anyone been in this sort of position? If he says he's ok with it now, is it ok that I feel a bit guarded? I can't help but be worried and afraid he's going to hurt me like that again. I can 100% forgive him for needing time, of course, but am I being hypocritical by thinking I can't just trust him 100% again right away? If I feel that way, does that mean I'm not really forgiving him?

 

Thanks everyone!

 

BlueSky

[ann122]

He sounds like a smart guy to me. Honestly before I was diagnosed if someone I was interested in told me they had herpes i would 100% have walked away. I was uneducated and too paranoid to ever have possibly been okay with it. Now that I know what I do now I would react differently...so to me if he's coming to terms with it then he either looked into it (unless you gave him a bunch of info on herpes once you disclosed), or just realized what really matters here: you as a person. You're not being a hypocrite by being guarded....thats a really shitty feeling to have someone choose to not date you due to something out of your control. Just enjoy the night with him, be yourself and don't be guarded. He clearly wants to get to know you, and herpes doesn't define you. Just be prepared for when he is ready to discuss it with you. Best of luck!

[WCSDancer2010]

I agree with @ann122 ... likely once he started to feel better (Mono isn't fun and likely sucked everything out of him for awhile) he realized just what you mean to him. NOW... the big thing is that you don't know exactly what he will say when you see each other ... so just go and enjoy the moment and don't try to figure out what will happen next. Let things unfold naturally....

 

And .... yes, it's ok to be guarded. Use Herpes as your "excuse" to slow things down and allow the relationship to develop and grow before you get physical..... one of the "good" things I see on here with H+ people is how much more healthy the progression of their relationships are with H because they slow things down, so that when the couple chooses to take it to the next level, there's a much deeper connection of trust and mutual respect ... ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

[Blueskysagitarrius]

Things went pretty well!! Thank you guys for your support :)

 

Basically after dinner, he invited me in to watch TV. He told me he was sorry for the way we left things last time we saw each other and that he would like to keep seeing me and see where things go. He said he wants to take things slow physically, and figures we could just spent more time getting to know each other before the other stuff. I mean he has a point... What if a month from I can't stand him or vice versa (I am highly doubting this, but you never know).

 

He did get tested and was negative for both. His doctor told him he was even HSV1+ and gets cold sores. I think this helped my guy realize a little more how common it is!

 

So my next question... When we first ended things I told him that maybe we could go to a doctor together and talk about H and what it means for our relationship, and how to be safe and all that. To be honest, I don't want to go to my gyno. She is a wonderful person but she didn't even text me for which type I had. She didn't think it mattered... But it does to me. I went and got tested at planned parenthood afterwards. Does anyone know where we could go to talk to a live professional? Does Planned Parenthood offer anything like that? I live in southern Massachusetts area in case anyone is familiar with places around here :)

[WCSDancer2010]

I would say contact @Adrial ... he does Skype based Coaching Sessions and is the perfect person for your guy to talk to ... ;)

 

Otherwise Planned Parenthood is your second-best bet ...

[ann122]

@blueskysagitarrius i'm from mass too, I just went to planned parenthood. My boyfriend got tested at his primary care and while he was there he texted me saying they refused to give him the test. I literally was like "PUT THAT NURSE ON THE PHONE" and talked her into letting him do a blood test. That's what it took there, which drove me insane. they thought it was so unnecessary. At planned parenthood they handled it way better.

[Blueskysagitarrius]

Wow @ann122 that's a horrible doctors office!!

 

Well he did get tested, so I'd just want to go sit in a room and chat with him and a doc for like 10/15 minutes. Think PP will do that??

 

Thanks :)

[WCSDancer2010]

Yes - PP should do that ... their whole thing is education as well as providing resources around sexual issues :)