I know I'm not alone, but...

[Coffeepal]

Reading these stories have helped me so much.

 

I was seeing a man for 6 months, and I was in love for the first time in a looooong time. Did I mention, a long time? Then I get a call telling me he is having some kind of issue in his genital area. He goes to the doctor and is diagnosed with HSV2. I then go in for a blood test. And I get the results of positive. I am shocked, scared but I immediately think that this man and I will get through it. Worst things can happen, right? But no. He wants nothing to do with me. He never said it, but he is 100% positive I gave it to him. I check with my previous boyfriend and he had been tested - negative. It never really mattered to me where it came from since it didn't change the facts. But the pain I felt at being tossed aside and rejected was horrible. I've never felt so horrible, so ashamed, so worthless. It was by far the most painful thing I've ever gone through. I know and I accept the fact that I could have had this and not know.

 

What terrifies me now is starting over. I don't want to be alone. I am just crippled with fear. I know it will get better, but when? When do people start to feel normal again? I've had no outbreak, no symptoms - or none that I recognize as a herpes outbreak.

 

Anyway, thanks for reading.

 

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[lelani]

Oh honey...I can understand how you are feeling. You are right it doesn't matter who gave it to who - if you have been sexually intimate with the guy for 6 months he could have had it first and only just had a first episode, and you got it from him and are asymptomatic. Or you already had it and didn't know and passed it to him.

 

What matters is how he dealt with it and while you feel awful at being tossed aside - reframe it and be thankful H has got rid of him. I know you were in love with him...but this is the real man. He did a runner...that is the kind of guy he really is and H has just exposed him. You would have had more pain long term if you stayed with him.

 

'Being alone isn't awful if you focus on all the good things about being independent. Ask yourself what you are so afraid of. Being rejected always hurts...just don't make it worse by being ashamed or thinking you are worthless. There is NOTHING to be ashamed about and you are worthy, not just of someone elses love but your own. Take the time now to do things you love, be with people who make you feel good, eat healthy and exercise - make you into the best you you can be and then H will feel like just a small part of that, not the biggest thing.

 

It will get better once you give up the shame and worthlessness - they are just thoughts and you can change thoughts. I am glad you posted - keep reaching out on here - its a great group of people and we all understand. H will give you some amazing times if you open up to that possibility - deeper connections with people, understanding yourself better, living with courage and loving people more. I don't think it's normal...it's better than that :-) xx

[Judith]

Hi,

 

yeah lelani is right , its doesnt matter if he had it or you ,this guy dealed with it in a very bad way...its much better that it end like that, it showed directly what kind of person he was.If you get an outbreak in future you will feel it, you get itchy feeling and you can get some pain too or maybe you one of the lucky person who never will get outbreaks.It will be hard time for you now but in the future you will learn to deal with this virus in a better way....you will feel more confortable,promise :) . For me it was good to open up to couple of my friend and only to talk about even if they cant understand but if nobody talk about it people always will see it like a big stigma.I know this sound now all far away from you but i wish you the best.....get well.

[Coffeepal]

Thank you. I truly appreciate the words of support.