Will he tell

[ang]

recently i revealed this very hidden secret from an ex and i am literally terrified of what he will do with that information because we had a terrible fallout. I have a very supportive friend who keeps reassuring me that it shouldn't matter what others think of you and i no longer live in that same state where the disclosure with this individual occurred But i have always lived a very private life and feel that now everyone will know about me and slander as well as bash my name. Im trying my hardest to own the fact that i have herpes right now and not be ashamed of it but it is very difficult. how should i handle this? am i worrying to much?

[2Legit2Quit]

Well hun, not sure his age but nature adults don't go around spreading gossip like this. W that said, you no longer live there and everyone knows he's an ex, which most people will think he's just being vindictive of he does blab. I know it's hard not to worry, but you can't do anything about it if he does. Try not to jump to the worst conclusions. I had a falling out w my beat friend of 20yrs about my H and her lack of support. We had a huge nasty fight and I asked several time I hope she has not told anyone w no reply. At this point, I realize she has and I can't chnage it or do anything about it. It is what it is. She gets big old cold sores on her lips, so how is she any better than I. Frankly, I had to talk myself into not caring anymore. Her or anyone else who wants to gossip about me having H can go fuck themselves. It doesn't prevent me from living my life and you have to tell YOURSELF the same thing. Hugs!

[ang]

your completely right.. he is 25 years old and as you may already know his reaction to it was not the best which showed me his is still completely immature.. thank you for your kind words I'm still trying to be strong through this....but i can honestly say that i feel i have reached rock bottom smh :(

[2Legit2Quit]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. How long have you had it now?

[ang]

3 years however this incident just happen 2 weeks ago ..

[2Legit2Quit]

So you feel like you're experiencing how you felt when you first got it? I know how hard it is to let it go, but try the whole fake it till you make it. I had to give myself pwpe talks every time I'd worry who told who. Novdiy is going to say anything to you and why care what people think of you? Says nothing of you as a person and those who would judge on that, aren't good people anyway.

[ang]

yes exactly. I am now dealing with all these different issues within myself. I feel like I'm damaged goods, a hoe etc and no one will want me. I caught herpes after the 2nd person i slept with and after i got out of a bad relationship with the ex that i just got into this huge argument with. Since then i have been dealing with an internal battle because i always got this label as "the good girl" and what not. i don't really like to go by labels or anything like that but after opening up to my ex which i know wasn't a good idea...i honestly told him too much about a lot of things (i think i was just extremely vulnerable and for some wild idea i thought maybe he wouldn't judge me smh) and hearing all the slut shaming and disgusting things he had to say about me after he feared that he has caught is also is driving me crazy :(...yes it shouldn't matter what he thinks but hearing all those things was literally like a verbal bashing of all the thoughts I've had in my head for years that I've been trying to ignore and fight against..thing is he is super uneducated also and he thinks because he licked his hand and touched me while we were having sex that he has it for sure which is why i shouldn't care what he thinks but i guess it bothers me also because he always put me on a pedestal. He told me that in his past relationship his ex girlfriend always bashed me and he always defended me and that i made him sick to his stomach. In the past he always said how scared he was of catching herpes which is why i never said anything and for a while.I knew deep down how he felt about the disease and i always just kept quiet about it anytime we made brief conversation or caught up. i also thought he was the one who gave it me for a while because he told me that the mother of one of his children has it as well. I also went through a recent issue with a guy i was dating where i disclosed and he was upset however he didn't even react nearly as close to how my ex did and when i opened up about the guy i was dating to him and how things didn't end well he naturally assumed that it was because I've just been sleeping around with people passing it along.

[ang]

i feel like I've reached a bad place in my life and I've allowed myself to lose control of a lot of things. Its almost like I was holding this secret in for so long and holding other negative things in my life for so long that everything just flowed out of me when i told him these things.. i can't wait to get through this all smh

[2Legit2Quit]

You are not damaged goods, you just have some battle wounds that need some healing. Girl, Herpes doesn't care if you're the good girl or how many people you slept w. I hadn't had sex for two yrs, had it once and got it. I have seen virgins on forums get it, via oral sex. It's just unfortunate luck of the draw. You are no less of a person and I know 7 women w it. 5 are married and one in her 9yrs w it, has neevr been rejected due to it. Don't focus on that right now. Focus on the present and deal w worrying about being rejected when the time comes in the future, when you're in a good place and ready to date.

 

Him saying all those things is a gift to show you the man he really is. You'd find yourself right back in the same situation. He is a vile human being for treating you as such.

 

So did you disclose to him after you guys had sex already or something? He is toxic, run!

[ang]

After .... We discussed this in another post also but I dated him for about 5 years and left him alone for a long time I relocated and left my old town to start fresh and work on me ...I guess recently due to the rejection with the new guy I found myself going back to this abusive person who I tried to leave behind because I was in a vulnerable place, and I let myself trust him enough to at least be friends because I thought maybe he had changed. I don't know if I'm more ashamed of the fact that I went back to his toxic ass or the fact that I disclosed after. i thought I was in control of my life but I realized that he has a lot more power over me psychologically then I realized...

[ang]

Thank you so much for being so supportive by the way ...it feels nice to have someone who understands

[2Legit2Quit]

Aww.. I'm here hun, anytime you need to talk. I Understand the fear. I had to force myself to learn to just say fuck it, of it got out too. You'll get there, don't worry. It doesn't change how aeesomwawesome you are, if it did get out; so fuck it! That is the only way to defeat fear you have no control of;... Is to just day fuck it and own your shit. Only way to walk w your head high.

[2Legit2Quit]

I think you're ashamed of being so vulnerable w him, because your vulnerability was actually seeking approval and validation w him. That's why it makes you feel bad about it. You know deep down, that your disclosure came from wanting acceptance and not from a place of strength and confidence, that does reside inside you. You're essentially punishing yourself now, for doing something subconsciously from a place of hurt. Don't beat yourself up hun. We all do it. Your guilt is coming from w in. You're disappointingly yourself, but not realizing it, so the easiest thing to do, is project our feelings. So H was something easily identifiable, to determine your self destructive behavior. Sometimes, it is incredible what getting H can teach you about yourself, so embrace that.