Frozen; How do I let it gooooooooooo?

[FreyasFlame]

So I've had H2 for about 8 years now. First two years I didn't date. Then when I did, the first person I met had it too. Then the one after that, ditto! Then the third, what are the odds, right? So now 8 years later I meet someone unexpectedly on vacation that lives on the complete opposite coast. There is an undeniable connection.- so, we arranged for him to fly out 2 weeks later.

 

I took those 2 weeks to watch all of Adrial's videos, scoured these forums for success stories, and googled disclosure advice until my fingers were bloody. I was armed with the best plotted disclosure speech and confidence one could have. That is until I was caught off guard by his 'you are perfect' speech and I froze. I mean, literally froze. I couldn't get a word out. He spilled his heart out about how he felt about me for 15 minutes and I froze. My silence was interpreted as not feeling the same for him, so far from the truth.

 

I understand that if it's meant to be, this 'opportunity' is insignificant in the grand scheme of love. It truly is and I have accepted that. Now, two weeks later I am on my way back to his side of the world and I am looking for some advice!

 

Do I tell him the first night I arrive and get it out of the way? I've pondered whether or not to tell him before I arrive, but would prefer to tell him in person. I'm staying with him, so I am prepared with a back up plan if things get inflamed (pun intended).

 

I welcome everyone's advice, thoughts, opinions, tips and suggestions on how to do this and not freeze again!!!

[2Legit2Quit]

I think you've done everything you can to prepare and the first night sounds like a good time to do it, so you're not stressing the entire time and he interpret your distance, from the stress of disclosing, as lack of feeling the same way again. Beat to just get it out of the way, so you can enjoy your time w him and be yourself. When are you going? Don't worry, if this guy is really in it, he will except you. I've been rejected for my hypothyroidism, so... People always have something that's a deal breaker, that has nothing to do w you.

 

Did you meet these other guys on forums or dating sites of those w H or was this just a complete coincidence?

[FreyasFlame]

Thank you for your words of encouragement!! I live in NY, he's in LA!! As far as how I met the others, all by coincidence. I dated the first guy for over 2 months before we even kissed. He didn't pressure me into anything and it was very comfortable after being depressed and refusing to date after receiving the scarlet letter H. Then one night we were watching a movie, he got up to get us a beer, sat back down and told me he had H. My draw dropped and I squeezed him so hard he may have stopped breathing. We dated for a year and remained friends for a bit. Then, the other two came along. One just came right out and said it on the first date, the other one waited a month. We were together almost 5 years. So yeah, I was convinced that everyone has H for awhile!!!

[2Legit2Quit]

Hahaha! That's so awesome! Hey you never know this guy may as well! Soneone investing time in traveling like that w someone, is not likely to be deterred. Men don't like putting in much effort for anything w women, so when they do, it really means something and it has to be followed w actions, not just words. I wouldn't stress it too much. When is your trip?

[FreyasFlame]

Good point, you never know! Very insightful about the traveling piece, that actually just gave me a boost O' confidence. I didn't look at it from that perspective. I leave in a few weeks, I'll make sure to post how it went down for anyone curious. I found it helpful to read everyone's disclosure stories here in the forum and picked up a lot of nuggets to use - fingers crossed I DJ t freeze again!!!

[2Legit2Quit]

You'll do great, don't worry! Please share, because people need to reminded of the courage they can have and of disclosure stories! You'll be in my well wishes for sure! <3

[Bambina3]

Out of curiosity, he came all the way from LA and you weren't intimate?

Just curious, I was with someone from across the country too and when he would fly in we were intimate but used protection until we went for testing, although it never dawned on me that hsv was not on the testing panel until my diagnosis.

Take your time, the bonding will be much stronger than.

Good luck

[FreyasFlame]

Nope. Even before I got H, I always took things slow. I have to have a "connection" with someone or else it does nothing for me. He actually said it was the first time someone actually tried to get to know him before attacking him and he found it to be "refreshing".

[FreyasFlame]

I should add we did cuddle and smooch, but thats it! :)

[Bambina3]

Awww that's good...we did also spend a lot of time for almost 6 months before he flew in the first time.

Sounds like things are going well, good luck