Feel trapped in...

[chargeit2thagame]

I feel constant emotional pain and anguish like all day everyday...i try to sleep as much as I can but I even dream that I have genital herpes so its basically living in hell constantly...today was exceptionally bad...when I show how I feel as opposed to put a mask on and pretend my mom keeps tellin me to snap out out it to which I reply "there is nothing to snap out of this is it for me its a wrap there is nothing" long story short there is not a hole in our wall....well we went out tonight me my mom and step dad and a bar or any social gathering is torturous everything...all that runs through me head is your fucked...life is over...and if I see a pretty girl I think...best case scenario you have to disclose which sounds like hell on earth and who would ever be cool with that or worst case scenario...well there is none its this lol....i feel constant emotional pain all day every day....random hook ups are over with and I honestly aint really trust woman before this so now the only way is i have to trust someone enough to disclose....i just see nothing but hell....like legit its hopeless lol...sorry about the negative venting i just truly see no hope in any of this its all bad and living in hell

[Katidid]

My husband of 20 years now saw this as no big deal when I told him and has remained feeling that way to this day. There are people who will see you for who you are. If you make it out to be a horrible life changing event then all who you disclose to will freak out. There are ways of preventing transmission to a great degree. I suggest you download the handout at the top of this page to help you better understand this is not the "hell" you think it is. Lots of people are very happily living life and have life long partners. I suggest reading @Hippyherpy's posts..

 

Go out there and try to have a grateful day and k ow you are a great person!

[janedoe]

Hey, I suggest reading reddit posts. The community there has a quite bit of a male population and they have good success stories.

 

Also, 3 days ago, I was venting abt h to my sister and she gave me really good advise. The thing abt h is that some people dont get it. No matter what you say or how you disclose, they're gonna reject you... which is fine cause that is how you end up with a disfunctional relationship pre-h.

 

Your hand in the dating game has changed cause now your penis comes with a label that says "if you dont really like me, do not enter". But you can still win!!! Go hit the gym, change your attitude towards life and I'll guarentee you, you'll find many ladies who want to be with you casually or seriously.

 

Right now, you're c.ckblocking yourself cause lets be honest, a lot of people dont wanna spend time with an unhappy person. I've read many success stories here and on reddit and I guarantee you, if you have something to offer, people will come to the table. A reddit user posted sth abt being with 15 people in 2 years post h!!!! That's a quite bit of a success.

 

Just start living again. Your mindset is your enemy. Hugs...

[optimist]

@chargeit2thagame I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I remember having all those feelings for the first couple months and then it got better. I think it works that way for most people, they go through a grieving process before moving forward. Hopefully that's what's happening for you now.

 

Do make a point of reading @hippyherpy's disclosure thread. I think you'll find it encouraging.

[souljourney123]

I currently am going through a grieving process, it does not feel like it will change for me though. I was always such a positive woman, learning and loving life. I feel the same as you, how can I date now?. How can I feel the same?....when I disclosed I did get a positive response but the person walks away with a choice, I don't, so I punish myself and lie to myself saying that I don't need anyone anyway, but that's not true, I want my soul mate, but I would have to disclose to him too. morally and ethically the right thing to do...

[optimist]

@souljourney123 You do have a choice. Disclosure is a two-way street. It does not have to feel like a confession, it can be a dialogue. Based on how that dialogue evolves, either one of you may decide it is or is not a good idea to pursue the relationship further. This is how I approach it, anyway.

 

The one rejection I experienced, back in the beginning, was really painful at the time, but he and I are very good friends now and that is fulfilling in a different way. When I disclosed to him, it was more of a monologue than a dialogue. Also, I already had it in my mind that he shouldn't want to take the risk with me. I had to get over that mindset before putting myself out there again. Education went a long, long way in that regard. Learning how common HSV is. And you know what? When that first guy started having mixed feelings, thinking maybe he could overcome his fear after all, I was the person to decide we should both move on. It was clear to me that he was still struggling with the decision and I decided that doesn't work for me. I need to be with someone who feels free with me. It's not just about telling someone you have HSV and waiting to be accepted or rejected. It's part of establishing compatibility in both directions.

[souljourney123]

@optimist, thank you for your words because it was feeling like a confession and that was leaving me vulnerable because I was judging myself along the way, it was like my own personal punishment.

[poseygirl]

It's encouraging reading everyone's stories about disclosure. I told my boyfriend e weeks ago after I was diagnosed. I was in a bit of a panic, and I didn't disclose in the manner I might have had I read more about that dialogue beforehand. He was shocked, but immediately supportive. Told me he didn't want to let me go, that he loved me for so much more, our connection and history was worth so much to him. To my credit, I stayed calm and didn't cry. Within hours he was emailing me things he had been reading, telling me that it wasn't that big of a deal and that we would just need to use caution, abstaining during an OB, and using protection, always. He said he was still in shock over all of it, especially after seeing a doctor and not being able to confirm conclusively whether he has it or not, and he has no symptoms. I have had partners before him, as he did before me. I don't know how I got it, which feels awful, too. Fast forward 3 weeks and he is still supportive, showing no sign of leaving, but I can't help feeling like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop and he decides he doesn't want to take the risk. I'm still waiting to heal from my first OB, so we haven't been intimate in a good while. I'm so head over heels with this man, yet wishing I could cut free from him and move on before he can break my heart into pieces. Either road is a lonely and confusing place.