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Do I move on or hope he comes back?

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I just found out about a 2months ago that I am positive for HSV2, my boyfruend at the time went in got tested he came back negative. He was optimistic about the situation until he realized he was good. For about 2weeks we didn't have sex (which is extreme for us). So I addressed the issue he didnt want to face it, I could tell he was on the fence. But he eventually said it may be a deal breaker, he said he is sad and he loves me. He mentioned that the convo would have came up regardleas and that he feels at this point it is a deal breaker. I gave him the facts & told him our bond isn't found everyday, some people never find it. He text back he loves me, I was supposed to see him today I wantes to discuss us. in the time we've "ended" things, someone has come across as potential. I dont know if I should persue this guy and let my "ex" know or wait and see if he comes around. I also realize now that he was my first disclosure which I definitenly ruined, he took it easier than I. He was my support (until he was negative). Now with more information, the support of this page I can go forward, but should I???

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@Rayofsunshine I had a similar experience after being diagnosed. The guy did attempt to rekindle things the moment I met someone else and started dating them. Problem was he was still anxious and confused, even though he tried hard not to be, and I had just experienced the sense of freedom that comes with being fully accepted (by the new guy), so I chose to pass on trying to rekindle things.


My point is that I do think it's wise to move on, and it's possible doing so will motivate him to rethink, but try to continue to keep in mind what you really want. I wouldn't necessarily tie myself to an outcome in such a case, I would move on because it's best for *me* and then just see what happens without an agenda or expectations.

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Thank you for that insight. In the back of my mind I do believe that I had a thought of if I move on je'll come for me. But if I did and he didn't come but instead moved on too could I handle it, & I think not. I am going to see him soon I'll address it and if he is 100% about letting me go then I may verify its okay to date again. I dont wanna feel like Im hurting him or unfaithful but even now technically I'm single. The new guy knows I'm just casual dating, I'm not ready for anything else. I surprised myself at how well I've handles the situation. Had this been a cpl years ago I would have been crying for months on end. But I know my worth & I love myself, our ONLY downfall was herpes. I am not herpes, I've stayed. & cried over abusive men, cheaters, opportunist, etc. This guy is hands down AMAZING, my best relationship by far. To leave me for something I can't change that does not define who I am. Good riddance!

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I talked with him, he is definite & his choice to leave. He said he has a fear of catching something he cant get rid of, & he also said that he would have never thought I'd have it Im so nice etc. I got a bit upset trying to explain it could happen to anyone. I read up that the antibodies in the body that become present when you have herpes are not visible for 3-6months. I didnt want to upset him but I told him to get re tested because I believe we had sex when I had an outbreak. At the time I didnt know what it was, I was on no meds then & we used no condom. Do you know the liklihood of him getting it? I hope he doesnt resent me. I believe it was an Sept or Oct he got tested I believe the 1st week of Dec. He stood by that the doc told him no such thing of a 2nd test but I told him she also didnt know I had an outbreak so be safe.

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@Rayofsunshine Given his attitude toward your status, I personally think you will heal better without him. I've also encountered someone who thought he could tell who has HSV and who doesn't. Sometimes that's just ignorance, other times it's a way to manage anxiety with the belief it's always possible to control risk.


The guy I told you about upthread, he'd had unprotected sex with many, many partners before me but was certain they had all been HSV- because he could just tell. Obviously, he couldn't possibly know that, but I believe he needed to tell himself that, and any effort I made to educate him on the reality of HSV sent his anxiety through the roof, I assume because he wanted to continue on as always, thinking he could control his risk with his own judgment. This is my theory, anyway. Your guy may have different reasons, so forgive me if I'm projecting too much. Just something to think about if you find you relate at all.


I remember how it felt to be driven to sort of force someone into gaining perspective. I totally failed in doing so and now firmly believe it was for the best. That experience taught me a lot, as did the many more positive disclosure experiences that followed. Part of disclosing is being willing to allow someone to have their own feelings about what we've shared. I'm all for clearing up misconceptions if people share concerns that are just not accurate or factual, but it isn't just about what *they* decide. IMO, a disclosure conversation should lead to a joint decision about whether or not to proceed. A reaction such as his may be a dealbreaker for you, too. At a certain point, it's healthier to care for your own well being and move on, rather than try to change someone else's perspective.

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