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SO ANNOYED! Why did I tell someone who doesn't have it? Need to vent!

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Hi everyone, I am new here and I hope all is well. I really need to vent and I do not know where else to turn. Once diagnosed in 2013, I have only told a few people and stuck to online hsv specific dating sites. Recently I started talking to a guy through Instagram who was from another state I used to live in. He seemed so real and "awake" and mature for his age (I am 34 and he is 25). We talked on the phone for a few weeks and it was okay. He is into smoking and I am not so I was a little turned off even though I know people deal with stress and anxiety in different ways, so I don't judge. I decided to take a quick weekend trip to the state I used to live to visit people and I contacted him so we could meet eachother. Once we met I could tell we would be hanging out for some of the night and something inside of me just said "he seems so nice, I should just tell him and see if people really do accept me as I do them". So as we were driving to my hotel to just spend time together, I told him. He actually grabbed my hand and said "that's real". So I felt comfortable and proud of myself for breaking out of the shell of only dealing with people who have hsv. So I was diagnosed with hsv2 and I have very little to no symptoms at all. The first time I felt a small bump on my genitals, I ran straight to the gyno and demanded a blood test. I tested positive for hsv2 and negative for hsv1. I have never had any type of outbreak on or in my mouth. I told this guy that I do not have the cold sore version which so many people have. When we got to the hotel he kissed me on the mouth quite a bit. That was it. All was well. The next day after I traveled home he texts "we gotta talk". I called him and he says "are you sure you have never had anything on your lips?" I was like "no, why?". He says "I don't know, but I have a cold sore on my lip today and I've never had one". I immediately felt so angry, so hurt, so annoyed and so regretful!! I insisted that I do not have hsv1 orally and that he cannot get it from me. How could that even be? He said he was going to send me a picture (or said he almost did), but he never did. I was literally crying to myself on the phone, I was so mad! How could I let myself tell anyone?! Why did I let him kiss me? Could I have hsv2 orally and not know it? I have no symptoms and we didn't kiss that intensely. How could a cold sore just pop up for him? I grew angrier and angrier over the next day and called him asking how it looked. He was like "oh I wasn't even thinking about it". I said "well was is blisters?" He kind of stumbled on his words and said "well yeah, I had to stop messing with it". I told him again how it couldn't be from me. He basically told me not to think about it (which is impossible, I was so stressed) but that"he hopes it's not". UGH!!!!!!!!!! I know this is going to haunt me. People who spread it and the one who spread it to me never get tested and DONT WANT TO KNOW and they go around spreading it and blaming truthful people! It makes me so angry! Why did I let this guy near me. He wants to act nice, but hasn't really checked in at all. You cannot trust people, period. Chances are he already has it. Maybe, maybe not. Please let me know what you think, thank you!!!!

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He can't be sure what is on his mouth, unless he goes to the doctor and gets it checked. All else is speculation. If he gets tested, and it turns out he has hsv1, and you get a recent test, and do not have hsv1, then it didn't come from you. And if he does have one of them, he can't know who/when he got it, if he doesn't have regular testing done, and testing between each partner. Do not take on the burden of assuming you did something horrible to him. Recommend to him, that he go get it checked by a professional. The opinion of someone you slept with or kissed, is not a reliable std diagnosis.


It's kind of irresponsible to start blaming someone for something, without having proof first. But people do crazy things. Especially if they are scared. Or looking for someone to blame.


I recommend getting tested for everything at least once per year, depending on how many people you get intimate with.


And you still did the right thing by disclosing. Some people react unpleasantly, and some do not. By knowing what you have, and letting someone know before you get intimate, you did your part. The choice is theirs, the risk is on them, after that.

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Thank you so much for your response! I do not take for granted anyone's time and willingness to listen and offer advice and it is much appreciated! You are completely correct. I am tested for everything (except herpes since the positive HSV2) diagnosis every year. He mentioned it that day and then nothing and just as I thought, I haven't heard from him since. I texted a couple of random texts shortly after and no response. I have no time to chase someone I am not interested in anyways. I seem to be the most truthful person I know, while others see that and use it to their advantage to be dishonest. I have no idea his sexual history as we only kissed. I would have never done anything more (even though he wanted to). Thank goodness I know better. I guess that I will go have blood drawn again to see if I do come up positive now for HSV1, but I think it would be extremely unlikely as I have had no issues with cold sores ever, but I'm sure that is no real answer. The couple of people in my life that I told and then said to them that they could have it and should be checked, don't want to, never will and do not want to know. They just say "Nah I don't have anything". Yet they have never had a blood test for it. People want to remain in the unknown about it and then look, people like us end up with it, have honest hearts and continue to deal with the burden. I can tell you now though, I will never disclose again to someone without it. People are ignorant on so many levels, could actually have both 1 and 2 themselves, not know and blame you in the long run. So not worth it to me. Thank you again and I truly appreciate the response! It helps me more than you know to be able to discuss this stuff somewhere.

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