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How to disclose after the fact...

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2 years ago I had a case that I wasn't sure if it was or not. I went to 3 doctors and only one said it could be herpes and she thought maybe type 2 because of where it was. It was so minor so I never paid any mind because it was unconfirmed. 2 years later here we are and I slept with someone 2 weeks ago and I have this incredibly awful outbreak. 100x worse than what I had first assumed was a possible outbreak. I had 0 symptoms for that entire 2 years so I thought maybe the other 2 doctors were right. I had sex with him once with a condom about 2 weeks ago. I've seriously never experienced anything like this in my life. The doctor said it looked like a first outbreak and so now I'm wondering maybe this is my first outbreak and the other one was a false alarm because it was unconfirmed. How do I bring this up?

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Have you had a blood test yet? An IgG is what you should ask for. Testing now will help you determine if you already had it, or if it's really a new infection. As for the partner, if you're still seeing him, I'd just be honest and explain you're having symptoms of something, but you're doing testing to figure out what it is. That should get the conversation going.

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Yes we are still seeing each other. If I get it now it will tell me negative if it's something I just got or positive if I've had it a while? Okay thank you. I'm seriously so scared. I've never felt so unloveable. I am only 23... I know it seems so stupid but I feel like broken goods now. This just hit me really hard. Now it's real. There's no more wondering anymore. I really don't know what to do. Everyone seems so positive on here and I just am so disappointed with myself. I was so uneducated on how it gets passed around. I just assumed you needed the sores to get it. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so upset.

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To answer your question, generally speaking, yes.


What you're experiencing now is so normal. Virtually everyone on this site has been exactly where you are now. Most of us have had the exact same thoughts and feelings. I know I have, and I'm nearly twice your age!


First, you grieve and let it out, because if you try to suppress those feelings, they'll just come back later when it's really inconvenient. Many people go through the stages of grieving and we all have different timelines for that. It's okay to be upset. We just don't want you to live there forever. :-)


Next, you educate yourself. You'll learn a lot on these forums! Get Adrial's handouts, read Teri Warren's herpes handbook (or even better, her full book), and read blogs like those mentioned in these forums. Knowledge is power.


Be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself. We're all doing the best we can. And we're here to support you and encourage you along the way. {{hugs}}

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Thank you so much! I am going to tell him tomorrow. I think I'll take your advice and tell him I've had some symptoms and that I'm getting tested and that he should too. Maybe I'll tell him that it is important for us to find out who has it so we can make safe choices for the future? I don't know if I should act like it isn't going to tear us apart and that it isn't the end of the world or what. Maybe tell him the statistics? 1/4 women have it, 90% don't know, there's a 4% chance to get it, 2% with condoms and 1% with condoms and pills? That it's harder for men to get it? I really like this guy. It's the first guy I've felt this way for since puppy love in Jr high lol. Any suggestions are welcome...

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I'm hoping others will chime in here, as I don't have much disclosure experience. Just my ex (told him by e-mail) and a fairly new long-distance relationship when I got my diagnosis. I was in the absolute worst state of mind for months after I found out, and that relationship eventually cooled off and ended (maybe it was herpes--maybe it was that we were not a good fit....who knows!) Perhaps you can find more examples in the success stories category?

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Yes I've been sort of creeping them! I see him Saturday but we are having a play date with the kids and I don't have a vehicle right now as it broke down so it may be awkward to do it then. I'll see if I can see him sometime next week. I don't know want it to wait too long but I would like to be alone and even if we go to his place I would like to have my own ride out of there in case it goes weird. I've practiced disclosure 3 times as practice with people who have been interested in the past and all 3 were okay with it! Isn't that insane?? I'm feeling more positive about this already!

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