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Did I give her HSV? Confused...

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I've had HSV 1 since around 13-14 years old. I've always been careful of not kissing anyone if I suspect any breakout wether visible or not. I've had long-term relationships ranging from 3-6 years with high sexually activity and have never given it to any of my previous partners. I'm currently in a relationship (6 years now). We don't have sex often. She's never shown any signs of an HSV outbreak. I gave her oral and a few weeks later she breaks out with what (waiting for results) we're 98% sure is HSV. I had no signs or symptoms of an outbreak at the time. Her breakout is pretty bad, too. All over her thighs, buttocks, and it spread to her vaginal area. If I gave this to her, I feel terrible about it. I don't understand how I could've been in other relationships both long and short term without spreading it to a single partner and now this? And why now? We've been together for almost 6 years? She had no visible outbreak on her lips or face either... I'm confused. Can someone shed some light on this, please?

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Hi, @loomis. Herpes has a mind of its own, really. No one knows exactly why some people get it while others don't, or why transmission happens when it does. I got herpes form one of a few short-term partners I had before getting marrried, all of which I used condoms with. Yet my ex-husband didn't get it from me after a 16 year relationship with no condoms or antivirals (I wasn't diagnosed until after I was divorced). Not only was I shocked to learn I have HSV2 (because my symptoms were so mild I assumed they were related to other things), but I was also shocked to learn I have HSV1 and I've never had a cold sore. I didn't know that was possible! Now I know that only about a third of those with oral HSV1 have cold sores. Btw, you can have HSV1 genitally with no infection in the oral area (as a result of oral sex). It's becoming increasingly common.


For me, one of the hardest things to come to terms with concerning HSV is the uncertainty and lack of control. It's been a hard lesson to learn that when you think about it, most of life is full of uncertainty and control. The more I get used to that idea, I also find it strangely liberating because I'm no longer always trying to control every aspect and moment of my life (which is exhausting and endlessly disappointing). {{hugs}}



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