Some advice for someone getting back into the dating scene?

[Libragirl]

So I'm new to this whole diagnosis. I am grateful for this site because this is what has gotten me through my rough days.

I am now doing ok with the whole diagnosis and realize it's not that big a deal. I'm ready to get back out there and start living my life again.

I have met someone who also has herpes, we haven't been sexual.. he's been beyond patient with me. However I would like to get back to my sexual self again. It's been 4 months since my diagnosis but I'm unsure if it is hsv1 or hsv2. The swabs haven't been detecting which strain it is, but my bloodwork came back positive. And we were only sure of it because I have never had a cold sore in my life. Anyway the issue.. can I still have oral sex with my new partner? Will I get oral herpes if I do that? And vice versa? I just don't want to show up with my arsenal of dental dams to go along with the condoms he's already purchased. I know he doesn't get oral cold sores either.. so I don't want to add to our already embarrassing issues. I mean at least you can't see when we're having an OB. And I know he is also paranoid about getting it other places as well cause he is also fairly new to the diagnosis and doesn't know which strain he has either.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

[HikingGirl]

Welcome, @Libragirl. A really good starting point is to find out which type(s) each of you has. Call your respective doctors and ask to see a copy of the lab results. Hopefully the blood test was an IgG (as compared to the unreliable IgM, which doesn't tell you which type you have). The only way to definitively answer your questions are to know which strains each of you have and where you're having outbreaks. I admire you for getting back to the dating scene. I get so much inspiration and courage from these forums!

[Libragirl]

@hikinggirl thank you so much! And I agree these forums got me through the first few weeks when I was scared and feeling alone and like no one would ever love me like this. I soon realized it isn't that big of a deal and everyone that I have told has been so accepting of it, whether it be family, friends or guys who were interested in me.

I am hoping to find out which strain it is but I was told I have to wait for an outbreak so that we could swab it and have a definitive answer. I'm still unsure which blood test was ordered but since I wasn't actively having an OB my practitioner told me that having blood work done would be the best way to go. She did state that if I have ever had a cold sore that it would come back positive regardless but I had never had a cold sore so I figured this was the best way to confirm what I already knew was the case.

So I guess in the meantime we'll just have to take things slowly in regards to our sex life. I'm just happy I found someone who is so patient with me, I know he'll understand because it's about our health.

[HikingGirl]

I think in this case you could easily call the doctor's office and just ask for a copy of the lab results. The IgM blood test is notoriously unreliable and doesn't distinguish the type. The IgG is what you'd be looking for. If they gave you an IgM test, I would ask for the IgG. Especially without any positive swabs.