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Looking to the future

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Ok so I'll be honest. I haven't always been brave enough to disclose in the past. I take daily valtrex and never get outbreaks so I convinced myself there was no risk to the other person and no need to disclose. However, I now realize this was just an excuse I made to avoid having the talk. I was afraid of being rejected and still struggle with self-confidence at times. I've disclosed to the last few people I've dated. It is still scary, but I know I have to do it and I've never been flat-out rejected when I do, so it seems I was worrying over something I really didn't need to. I find I'm now more selective with who I date because I know I'll have to tell them my most vulnerable secret. I'm not going to tell just anyone, so naturally I make sure I really like someone before disclosing and sleeping with them now. The first date I went on the other night ended up in bed after disclosing. He had lots of questions, and I did my best to answer them honestly, in a way that wouldn't scare him. The problem is that he is dating other people. While he is willing to take the risk for himself, he isn't willing to make the choice for the other people he's seeing. I told him to take all the time he needs, but I feel like I deserve someone who's willing to take that risk for me. I realize dating me comes with a risk that people need to evaluate and I don't blame them for it. Still, I hope I meet somebody some day who's willing to look past it. I have a lot of great qualities that more than make up for this, and I hope somebody sees that.

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