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First rejection

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The first two people I disclosed to still wanted to date me after i disclosed and in fact I was the one who ended things with them. Just had my first rejection and wow it hurts. I never had a hard time with guys before getting the virus, and it's super frustrating that I now have what feels like a huge drawback. I feel really scared to get close to anyone because I'm so scared of disclosing and being rejected again. But I'm also super lonely because I feel like I'm isolating myself. I never get outbreaks and I'm on suppression so it doesn't feel like I have anything. But it's just wreaking havoc on me mentally. I often try to tell myself that this is a good thing, and that I'll end up with someone who is super understanding because of it. But realistically I just don't know if that's true :/ Even my best friend doesn't know I have the virus. I love her so much and I know she loves me too, but the other day she joked about how the only people who can't find a husband are girls with std's and I legitimately almost started crying. Because if even my best friend thinks this way, what are my chances with anyone else?

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Your honesty and openness are really inspiring!

Sorry you had a hard let down! That must have been difficult to take.

Good on you for being straight with the people you choose to be intimate with!


But rejection is a reality for a lot of people for a lot of reasons. Many people who are looking for a serious relationship have a specific image in their head of what their girlfriend/boyfriend should be like. Not many people fit that image in every way for a lot of people they date.

Still, it is a challenge to feel good about yourself when someone rejects you, just about every time.


As a person who has endured a lot of rejection even before I found out I am H+, despite my profound efforts to be desirable, I can assure you that your selfworth and your pride can't come from how many people reject you. Or equally importantly, how many people accept you. If anyone uses those as an evaluation of their worth as a human being, they are fated to be disappointed eventually, either by way of illness, injury or just aging.

Remember that you are still the same great person you've always been!


Your description of the conversation where your friend said those things about people who can't find a husband was really profound. Obviously, she is wrong. I'm 30 and when I was dating, I discovered that there were tons of women who wanted a relationship that lead to marriage and children, but hadn't found the right person. And while I felt like I was the right kind of person, with a great career, in great shape, etc... They still rejected me. Because they were looking for something I didn't have. Not their fault, not mine either.

So your friend is wrong (obviously), but that isn't the point. Is it?

It's the stigma. It's the fear. It's the feeling like loss of freedom and power you once had.


But your best friend is important to you.

If she has been there for you in tough times in the past, and you think she can handle it, tell her.

But you'll have to decide for yourself.

I hope you have people close to you that you can talk to about this stuff, get support from them if you can.


Keep being who you are, keep doing the things you have always planned on doing.

Most importantly, keep disclosing and remember that there are tons of people out there who will appreciate your honesty, and the fact that you gave them the choice to decide for themself!


I hope you remember to let yourself enjoy good things that happen. Congratulate yourself for being who you are and the good things you accomplish.

Let yourself lean on the people who care about you for as long as you need to, and look for opportunities to support them, too. That is a huge help in dealing with rejection, the acceptance and care for the people who are already important to you.

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