Jump to content
  • Want to be a part of a supportive community? Join the H Opp community for free.

    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum! We are a supportive and positive group to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have. Get your free e-book and handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

When should I tell him???

Recommended Posts

Hello Everyone,


I'm new here and love reading the positive stories. It makes having H less scary but I still struggle most days. I'm a female (26) at my year mark. Happy Anniversary to me!


Well I'm here because I'm so conflicted about this new guy. My friend has been trying to set us up, however he is deployed. I began chatting with him back in October to help him pass the time while he's gone but now I'm really starting to fall for him. We talk daily, through messages, video chat, and phone calls. He's a wonderful man. Very smart, caring, funny, and gorgeous. Talking to him is definitely the highlight of my day. BUT I don't know when I should tell him my big secret. He'll be gone for another 4 months. Part of me thinks this is a great set up because he's getting to know the real me first and that maybe my personality will help him see past my H. And honestly, I feel like no one really needs to know unless we get to the point of being intimate. And that I should just wait until we're together in person to see if the spark is still there. But the other part of me feels like I'm lying to him and delaying the inevitable. If I fall hard for him and he can't handle this part of me then I will be crushed; we would have had 6 months to develop a connection. My therapist seems to think it's okay, to keep this to myself for as ever long as I need, if sex is not involved. I just don't know what to do. I've been stressing over this for a while now. I've never had OBs but when I constantly think about having this "gift" or having to tell someone, I start feeling symptoms (which is most likely all in my head) so I really just need peace of mind over this.


By the way, he's made a H joke already. Nothing bad, just he had a cut on his lip and said "don't worry, I don't have H". That probably would have been the perfect time to say, yeah well I do. But I'm not that bold lol. But this joke kind of scares me even more that he won't like me anymore. So yeah, do I continue as is, do I tell him now, do I tell him later, or do I just back away now to save myself the heartache?

Link to comment

I agree that there’s no urgency to tell him. On the flip side, if I were in your shoes, I think I’d want to disclose before I got too much more invested in him and the relationship. In response to “when is the right time to disclose?” question, I’ve heard Adrial suggest asking yourself, “do I trust this person with my vulnerability?” Good luck!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...