15 year monogamous relationship and herpes

[Dumfounded]

I've been in a monogamous relationship for 15 years. Out of nowhere I've got what appears to be genital herpes. Neither of us have had symptoms of oral or genital HSV. Naturally I freaked out, sat my husband down, and asked if he cheated. He was just as dumbfounded as me. I believe him. We've had 15 solid years between us. So then I decided it can't be herpes. But the more I researched the more I realized it can indeed be herpes! Shocking!! I went to the doctor at 9 days after the first noticable symptom. My doctor said, "looks like herpes." Apparently she sees this scenario and wasn't nearly as shocked as me. She didn't take a swab (I'm kicking myself for that) but she drew labs. IgG and IgM came back negative for both types. My husband has not been tested but I assume he's an asymptomatic carrier since my IgG was negative. I'll test my IgG in a few months and if my husband gets around to it he'll test too. If he tests it's only at my request because he really could care less about any of this. In his mind it changes nothing so let's carry on as usual. It's been about two weeks since this crazy experience and I'm trying to have the same attitude as my husband. I'm getting there. At the end of the day I'm pissed off at crappy sex education. Being aware that herpes could pop up like this would have saved a lot of shock and heartache.

 

No question. Just looking for others who have experienced na similar shock.

[HikingGirl]

I can absolutely relate, @Dumfounded. I was married for 15 years and was diagnosed both types of HSV about a year after my divorce.I had gone in for a Pap smear and spontaneously asked for STD testing because I had just started seeing someone long-distance. It was a total surprise to me at the time, although in hindsight I now know that all of that itching and those supposed yeast infections I was getting were really herpes outbreaks.

 

The kicker? I told my ex and he tested negative for both. Unbelievable. It’s been almost two years since my diagnosis and I’m still surprised. 16 years of unprotected sex and he doesn’t get it, but I got it using a condom with a small handful of short-term partners before him. (Mr Long Distsnce also tested negative.) So I’m frequently preaching here that transmission is not a given, and it’s so important to be tested and not just assume that someone has it.

 

Indeed, our education regarding STIs suck.

[Lifegoesonn]

I think it has a lot to do with where you catch it as well that's where the outbreaks occur and where u will be contagious when my doctor told me a guy can have a lesion or outbreak above his or is that's when I knew it could have been anybody that gave it to me,then hikinggirl u caught it in a spot where unprotected sex doesn't matter like inside your vagina is not necessarily infected and herpes is not in vaginal fluids or semen