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Divorce with Herpes

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My husband and I have been married almost 28 years. He had herpes when we married and gave it to me within the first year. I stupidly didn't request that he wear condoms. After several years of periodic painful outbreaks, my doctor asked if I wanted to go on suppression meds. I agreed and since being on daily Valcyclovir, I have had zero outbreaks. I am now 56 and have had a few scattered periods over the last 8 months, so at some point soon, I should be menopausal, although I have no other symptoms. I will try to go off medications when I have been without a period for one year, to see if possibly the hormonal changes will make outbreaks extremely rare. I have anger towards my husband because this divorce, although my idea, would not be necessary if he had listened to any of the therapists he has seen for 2 years. Our marriage has been on the rocks and connection broken for that long but everything just seems too difficult for him. I feel like I have matured and grown wiser over the years and it just seems that he has grown more disgruntled and entitled. He can't seem to "live in the moment". We have so much to be thankful for and our life could be wonderful. I digress. My question is that I will, at some point, want to date. I have a healthy appreciation for sex and am fit and consider myself dating material. However, the thought of disclosing Herpes is so scary for me. I know I will need to change my attitude about that, but in the meantime are there any Herpes dating apps or services that are not "scammy". I don't mind paying for the service at all, and I realize at my age and possibly because of my location (not a HUGE city), there may be few matches for me. I am not necessarily looking for husband material, as I will be okay on my own, but if it happens, I wouldn't be upset at falling in love and having someone to grow old with. Please give me your advice on Dating Apps/sites that won't just disappoint me.

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I met a nice guy on Positive Singles - I don't have much luck on dating sites even prior to H, so all sites are pretty well the same risk as far as what's available. The thing I did like about the Pos Singles site is that we all get what it means to live and deal with H and no one is freaked out by it. So, if there is a connection, 50% of the stress of it all is just Not There. And for a quick romp for connection and fun, it's just like dating without H.


I am still asking them to verify what they have however on paper as I can't afford anymore incurable diseases! But,that's me - as I won't even date a person right now with HSV1. Again, that's me as I'm paranoid as nobody yet can explain my getting HSV2 after testing negative on my annual in 10/2017 and no sex 5 months prior.... but then positive in January 2018. Either the virus was dormant and didn't register in my blood all these years or I got it from my GYN in October as nobody touched me but me since my last sex act in Summer of 2017.

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Hey there!

I ask as I can't afford to fight any other diseases... truly!

I don't think most ask to see another's paperwork, but the fact is, most of us wouldn't be here chatting if folks tested more often and proved that they are clean. Too many are asymptomatic and just keep spreading it. It's an individual thing. I just err on the side of massive caution now :)

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  • 2 months later...

I am going to need to be tested myself. I am still in the 60 day waiting period for divorce, but I am wondering what kinds of tests to take. I know there are labs you can go to in confidence, but I'd really rather only go once and I keep hearing mention of different kinds of tests. I'm hoping someone on here can tell me what kind I need to have done. Keep in mind, I contracted it almost 28 years ago and because of Valcyclovir, I haven't had an OB in years, don't know if that will make a difference in testing or not.

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@sunset, if you are asymptomatic and tested positive for HSV-2 by an ELISA test you may be a false positive. What are your numbers and what test was it. In addition, the majority of the US population under 65 is positive for HSV-1. The ELISA tests misses some 30% of HSV-1 infections, giving people the impression of being negative when there are positive. You will need take the Western Blot Test for confirmation and have all of your partners take the Western Blot Test.

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