Herpetic Whitlow turned Genital HSV-1 - The irony and heartbreak

[runner01]

Last weekend I sought treatment for what I thought was a bacterial infection in the thumb of my primary hand, I had a deep crack in that finger and went hiking Saturday so I assumed it was infected. Was given antibiotics at an urgent care and sent home. Tuesday morning the pain had spread to my entire index and thumb fingers and was burning down into my wrist, my entire hand was tingling. I was burning around my anus as well at that point but I had attributed it to a bad external hemorrhoid I had been treating for about two weeks. A visit to the ER uncovered that a nasty case of deep tissue herpetic whitlow I had in my thumb and that spread to my forefinger had inoculated my anus with HSV-1 (assumed still waiting on test results) during the course me caring for my hemorrhoid. I have spent the last two days in denial but today I am just upset. I am taking acyclovir and two antibiotics for a uti and to prevent secondary infection in my hand. While my bottom is just starting to improve I now have a huge blister on my thumb and its turning black and purple and the pain is terrible. I also have a few vesicles in the back of my mouth near my molars and in my throat most likely from eating with the infected hand my doctor says. So here I am, within 72 hours I have gone from hiking 6 miles up to a waterfall pass with my husband to celebrate our 12 year wedding anniversary to being diagnosed with herpes on my hands, genitals and in my mouth.

 

I have been married for twelve years and had a threesome last week with a recurring FWB and my husband, 8 days before my first symptoms appeared. This was the fourth time we'd slept with her together. No issues the first few times, but this time I had a deep cut in one of my fingers and I believe that is how I got the whitlow. We discussed testing and existing conditions prior to our first hookup and she assured us she was clean, she is an egg donor and said she is tested before and during each cycle. She should have just been tested as she was preparing for a new cycle at the time. She mentioned no changes when we met up this time. My husband has no signs of infection but did not use a condom as he had a vasectomy and she assured us she was clean.

 

My partner and I are both upset, confused and sad. Upset for the obvious, confused about our feelings (partner says he doesn't want to feel grossed out but does) and sad/worried about how this will affect our marriage. We just don't know what this means for us in terms of intimacy. I'm currently very concerned about spreading the virus to our young kids from my hands. I have been pouring through the internet trying to make sense of things but have a lot of unanswered questions.

 

Where do I turn? What do I do now? What does this all mean?

 

Can I spread this from my hands to my kids by touching them or things that they then touch?

 

My initial outbreak around hand became noticeable to me about 6 days ago, my anus 5 days ago. I started acyclovir 3 days ago Now I feel a tingling on one side of my labia and pain in my groin area just below it. Does that mean I am going to have another outbreak but vaginally? Are back to back or concurrent but lapsing outbreaks a common thing?

 

I started taking L-Lysine and Vitamin C supplements yesterday how much of each should I take during an OB and in between?

 

How is this going to affect our sex life? What precautions need to be taken? I read that I can give this to my husband even when I don't have blisters so how do I reduce that risk? Neither of us has never even had a cold sore so I am very scared here.

 

Do I discuss this with her? How the heck do I do that?

 

I know I am asking a lot here but my brain is spinning and I need reassurance that my life hasn't been ruined. I am heartbroken and feel physically broken too.

[Username]

You are going through a lot. I'm so sorry. You have a lot of concerns and questions. I don't think I can answer all of them but let me try to help with some.

 

Has your long term partner been tested? Get him tested. HSV is so common he might already have it and just not be symptomatic. Roughly 80% (I've heard everywhere from 70 to 90%) of people have HSV 1 or 2. Of those folks 80% have no noticeable symptoms. If your partner falls into that category your sex life can carry on as usual.

 

If your partner is negative it's not uncommon for discordant couples (one positive and one negative) to go through their entire relationship without passing HSV. Antiviral medication decreases your chance of spreading it. Couple that with condoms and the chances are very low. Maybe someone with stats can post the numbers.

 

As for spreading it to your kids, it's my understanding Whitlow doesn't shed without a sore due to the tough skin of our fingers. And if a sore is present a bandaid should be enough to prevent transmission. Maybe someone with more experience can chime in.

 

I've also read that 1/3 of kids have HSV 1 before they even make it to grade school so if your Whitlow is type 1 chances are your kids will get it anyway, with or without you. And if they have it they'll probably never know like most folks with HSV.

 

As for contacting your FWB, absolutely let her know. HSV may not even be something they test for with egg donation so she might have no idea of her status.

 

Keep us posted and fill us in with your lab results.

[runner01]

You are going through a lot. I'm so sorry. You have a lot of concerns and questions. I don't think I can answer all of them but let me try to help with some.

 

Has your long term partner been tested? Get him tested. HSV is so common he might already have it and just not be symptomatic. Roughly 80% (I've heard everywhere from 70 to 90%) of people have HSV 1 or 2. Of those folks 80% have no noticeable symptoms. If your partner falls into that category your sex life can carry on as usual.

 

If your partner is negative it's not uncommon for discordant couples (one positive and one negative) to go through their entire relationship without passing HSV. Antiviral medication decreases your chance of spreading it. Couple that with condoms and the chances are very low. Maybe someone with stats can post the numbers.

 

As for spreading it to your kids, it's my understanding Whitlow doesn't shed without a sore due to the tough skin of our fingers. And if a sore is present a bandaid should be enough to prevent transmission. Maybe someone with more experience can chime in.

 

I've also read that 1/3 of kids have HSV 1 before they even make it to grade school so if your Whitlow is type 1 chances are your kids will get it anyway, with or without you. And if they have it they'll probably never know like most folks with HSV.

 

As for contacting your FWB, absolutely let her know. HSV may not even be something they test for with egg donation so she might have no idea of her status.

 

Keep us posted and fill us in with your lab results.

 

Thank you for the information and reassurance, I the results have not been uploaded online, they ER did a culture of the fluid in one sore 4 days ago and my pcp ordered a blood test 2 days ago. I am hoping to have the results of both test early next week.

 

If it is hsv-1 I have read that it lays fairly inactive in the genitals so that is comforting. I am waiting until I have the test results so I can find out if this or old infection, and also what type.

[Username]

Whatever the test results I'm confident you will soon find out that life can and will go on as usual with small changes. We all have health issues as we age. Herpes, thyroid, diabetes, back pain, warts, cancer... Some are life changing and difficult, others are pretty minor. I know it doesn't feel minor but I'm telling you HSV is one of the minor ones. I felt devastated at first but now, four months in, this has hardly been a small footnote in my life.

[runner01]

Hello All,

 

I just got all of my test results back. What can I expect in the future? How does this information pertain to the questions in my original post?

 

The test of the actual lesson on my bottom:

Positive for HSV 1

Negative for HSV 2

 

My blood test was as follows:

HSV 1 IgG 2.75 index index

HSV 2 IgG <0.90 index index

Index Interpretation

----- --------------

<0.90 Negative

0.90-1.09 Equivocal

>1.09 Positive

 

[Username]

So you have HSV1. If your partner is concerned , or if you want to continue engaging in threesomes) he should start with getting tested. As mentioned before he could already have it and be asymptomatic like most people with it. It's even possible he is the one who gave it to you. If he has it it's business as usual. If he doesn't have it you guys can take some easy and minor precautions. I know some people get hit hard by HSV but most tolerate it well.

 

As for your kids, wear a band-aid if you have a Whitlow lesion, and don't kiss them if you have an oral outbreak. Even then, herpes is so common they might get it anyway, or they might already have it. It's common. It usually causes no or very minor symptoms. It's stigma is HUGE. Way, way bigger than the virus deserves.

 

Your bottom was swabbed, but what about your finger? Your throat?

[runner01]

So you have HSV1. If your partner is concerned , or if you want to continue engaging in threesomes) he should start with getting tested. As mentioned before he could already have it and be asymptomatic like most people with it. It's even possible he is the one who gave it to you. If he has it it's business as usual. If he doesn't have it you guys can take some easy and minor precautions. I know some people get hit hard by HSV but most tolerate it well.

 

As for your kids, wear a band-aid if you have a Whitlow lesion, and don't kiss them if you have an oral outbreak. Even then, herpes is so common they might get it anyway, or they might already have it. It's common. It usually causes no or very minor symptoms. It's stigma is HUGE. Way, way bigger than the virus deserves.

 

Your bottom was swabbed, but what about your finger? Your throat?

 

My finger and throat where not swabbed, the doctor is assuming that since the finger immaculate the anus that they are both caused by HSV1. My husband is seeing his doctor to be tested next week. The lesions are all gone except on my finger now which has a big blister, I am keeping it covered until it heals completely.

[Username]

Keep us posted, and remember that things will feel normal again. I hope your partner can be the supportive partner you deserve. If you got this from your FWB, it's not like you made the choice for a threesome without your husband's consent. You guys are in this together no matter what his, or your, test results reveal! Having sex has risks. When we engage in sex we assume those risks. Sex is awesome, so the risk is worth it in my opinion.

[runner01]

Keep us posted, and remember that things will feel normal again. I hope your partner can be the supportive partner you deserve. If you got this from your FWB, it's not like you made the choice for a threesome without your husband's consent. You guys are in this together no matter what his, or your, test results reveal! Having sex has risks. When we engage in sex we assume those risks. Sex is awesome, so the risk is worth it in my opinion.

 

This is exactly what I said to him and it seemed to resonate. Things are not nearly as uncomfortable between us now and we are just dealing. Thank you, I'll update once I get his results.