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My relationship is dying

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So, at the beginning of the year I met this incredible man. It just clicked! We talked for a while before going on a date on January.

By the 3rd date he already wanted to be exclusive and he was incredible in every sense.

I asked for an STD test before we could get intimate - as I already dealt with cervical cancer due to HPV (ex husbands gift).

He was more than happy to do so and i believe he saw that with good eyes.


We were waiting for our tests, but couldn't hold it anymore and we had sex. Incredible, amazing, soul fuck$#@ kind of sex.


His tests came back first and it was positive for syphilis. He freaked out, came to place to talk to me, cried...was completely desperate. Next morning we went to a infectious disease specialist that noticed something odd and retested him, only to find out if was a false positive.

My tests came back right after and it was positive for HSV2.


We went together to my OBGYN to understand the condition better and see what was our options. He didn't like my doctor and we went back to the infectious disease specialist...they both were incredible laid back and totally not worried/alarmed about it. Just very adamant with the use of condoms - which is a no go to my BF.

I never had an outbreak, so none of them wanted to give me suppressive therapy.


After that our sex life is pretty much non existent. It's been almost 2 months since we last had sex, but we've been intimate in another ways.


For a moment, he thought he had caught it, and he said he was coming to terms with it. He even mentioned moving in together...he was happy. He then got tested and it was negative, then everything got worse. Now he is so scared to catch it...



He's been really distant, and altogether I noticed a strange behavior with his phone and a girl friend of his.

I questioned him about her, since she is the only friend I've never met, and he only talks to her when I'm not around - rejects her calls when we are together - and i know they have a history together (dated, she fell in love, begged him for sex...and makes flirtatious comments all the time).


The fact that he got distant, barely touches me, no sexual interest in me - and of course, losing the bonding of intimacy, really made me feel insecure and undesirable.


We had a bad fight about the girl, he asked for time and space, no contact for 4 days... He decided to break up wirh me - not because of herpes, but for jealousy - which I'm not, but do believe the H was the culprit of these feelings and attitude.

That same night he called, said he was wrong, that he loved me and we should try so he accepted see a couples therapist/counselor, and while it hurted to hear that he just wasn't at the same page - sexually and emotionally - he still wanted to try. The counselor made some great points about his friendship and about H and how normal/widespread it is that i used the statistics to try and make him feel more comfortable.


He said great things about me and how he feels about me/us... that he wouldn't care having his penis on fire for a wife/kids, but that it was very hard right now because of my behavior, that he didn't trust me or that our relationship could work.


The counselor reinforced the fact that discovering an STD like this is stressful and it makes people act out of character and that him pushing me away and being so secretive about this friendship were enough to cause me to act that way. That he shoyld/can be - in a future relationship even... more mindful.


We haven't seem each other sinceTuesday (the therapy), and talked very little after that. Last night he called me and said he understood the therapist and that there was things he should have done differently.


Next week i have a new appointment to see if I can get the suppressive treatment. He is hoping that me being under treatment will help him feel less scared/more comfortable, and hopefully bring back our relationship and the lost connection that came with initially syphilis, then H, then the girl...


Did H ever made you act out of character?

Feel insecure?

Did your relationship got hit with the news?

Any ideas of what i should do/ expect? (I'm really concerned for our relationship. It's early, I know, but i really care about him...and feel he is the one).


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Hi there Jack. Thank you for responding ;)

I did a regular blood test and here is what i got:


Hsv1 igg 2.2H

Hsv2 igg 12.50H


Since I never had an outbreak, can't do a swab test.

I'm not particularly acquainted with the testing you mentioned. Anywhere I can read more about it or how /where to test it?


My boyfriend (or ex now...im not even sure) has cold sores ever since he was a kid.

I guess it could be possible he gave me HSV1.


Oh! In 2015 when i was entering a new relationship I tested negative for both.

We were together for 2 years and lived together. He got tested too, but i might have overlooked his H test results...

So, I either got it from him or my new BF (I didn't have anyone in between)

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It's also possible the boyfriend you lived with was never tested for it. Most doctors don't bother with it because of the situation you're in. They figure most will never experience symptoms so it's not worth the drama a positive result might cause.

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