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Upset and making myself crazy

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I never thought I would be doing this but here goes. I’m 36 years of age and have been diagnosed with herpes. I’ve been with someone for 7 years and we have a 4.5 year old son. I just found out I’ve received herpes. I was having a very tough time with myself and feels my unhappy with life and being married but really my life has been awesome. Until a year ago I was talking to an old friend and things got carried away. We never had sex but gave oral a few times and I hid this from my husband. Now on Monday I just noticed I had something after shaving and it became worse and the doc says it’s herpes. This guy said he had nothing but I don’t believe him. I had some flings in the past so I don’t know if that was from them or something too so I can’t blame one person I guess. I hate myself. I told my husband what’s up but didn’t tell him about cheating cause I don’t want to end our life together so I say that it could be from my past and has made its presence now. I hate this and I want him to get checked also. Years ago I had a blister on my lip that would show from time to time so I don’t know if it was from the way past or what. Either way I have let everyone and myself down and I get almost panic attack’s when I think of this awfulness.

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I am the same way. Our stories are similiar. I didnt have sex with the guy but he rubbed his genitals over mine and one guy gave me oral. But I have HSV1 and 2 and I dont know I have 1 because I didn't do oral on either. i feel as though I have let my children down. I'm on medicine for anxiety and depression

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Ugh it’s so awful. I told the guy that I thought it was from and he’s saying no. So I don’t know if it was a bacterial thing first and turned into something or what. I need to ask my doc for anxiety meds cause I’m outta my mind but trying to keep positive. Maybe it was someone from my way past and it showed up now who knows? I have a son and I’m scared he has it because if I’ve had this for years would it have passed on? I’ve never had an outbreak before. Just last Monday after shaving I noticed.

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@starlover - what type were you diagnosed with by swab and did you have an IGG blood test to confirm this? It sounds like type1.... which if your hubs test + for type 1 even if he’s never had a cold sore believe it or not it could be from him giving you oral.

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