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My partner has herpes...just need more info!

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Last year, I met this guy online. We’ve been talking since July 2017 and things started getting more serious In september 2017. In December he told me he has genital herpes. It’s not a deal breaker for me at all but we finally have the opportunity to meet each other next month and the plane ticket is already bought. Neither one of us can move yet because he’s finishing up school and my dad is very ill. Obviously I’d like to have sex with him but since we can’t officially be together for awhile I need to protect myself just in case this doesn’t work out. Also, he hasn’t had a breakout in 3 years. Not sure if that info matters or not.

Just need some help and suggestions since I am pretty oblivious to this and my doctor didn’t seem to be much help. People who are currently experiencing this seem like the best option. Thanks all!

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Hi Jules82,


I recommend two books that have been useful to me to learn about herpes since I have it. One is Sexually Transmitted Diseases by Dr. Lisa Marr (there's a whole chapter on Herpes in it). The other is The Good News About The Bad News by Terri Warren, the entire book is about Herpes. Just keep in mind that both books are about ten years old now, but still very informative.


I also recommend you visit westoverheights.com, which is ran by Terri Warren. You can browse through the online forum and learn a whole lot about Herpes there. You can also consult with Ms. Warren for a low cost if you have specific questions that you can't get the answers to. She's a top herpes expert. I've dealt with her and she's nice and very knowledgeable.


I hope that helps you figure out how you can best protect yourself. And yes, doctors are not very knowledgeable about herpes even though it's a real common infection. Herpes is tricky, please learn as much as you can about it, knowledge is definitely power and I wish I would have known how easy it is to get it and how hard a diagnosis can be. I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I hope everything works out, take care.

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It's okay to insist that he take suppression medicine and use condoms.

It's okay to insist that you see him take the medicine.

It's okay to abstain completely, or to pick and choose what you do with your body and when.


Your well-being and your peace of mind are important and taking steps to protect those as well as to avoid feelings of concern or regret is totally reasonable.


The real situation is that there will always be risk of transmission. It might be statistically one thing or another. But the statistics won't predict the future for you. The fact of the matter is that if you come into contact with the virus, you will likely contract.

All you can do is make your own decisions, and if you decide to be intimate, take steps to minimize risk. But know that no matter how careful, there is a chance that you could come into contact with the virus.


Now, there are examples of people who have not transmitted for years in a monogamous relationship. But holding on to hope that it could never happen might lead to some serious disappointment.


You just need to be prepared to make your own chouces and understand the implications.

And don't wait until you are in "the heat of the moment" to decide. There are a lot of brain chemical things that happen and they all essentially erode the ability to analyze and weigh risk rationally.


Kudos to him for disclosing before you actually meet!

The guy you are talking about must be both kind and courageous. Those count for a lot.

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