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I'm so Confused...

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Hello everyone,


This is going to be a bit of a long story. Please excuse any grammatical errors, sent from my phone.


I broke up with my ex about a year ago then moved on with my life. I've been seeing this man (Tim) over 7 months. Tim is a sweet and caring person. He has never had any STDs in his entire life despite he'd  been sexually active for years before we met. He takes his health very seriously and proud of himself for doing a good job on staying away from STDs.


He recently had an outbreaks after an injury. It was the worst pain and suffering that I wouldn't wish for anyone even my worst enermy. He went to er, they did a swab test and found out he has hsv  (not sure which type 1 or 2). He's been living in hell, extremely depressed, angry and worried about another outbreaks in the future.


Due to his outbreak (anus), he thought he got it from me because I'm the last woman he's been with in the last 7 months (I've been doing analingus in the past few months)


I love this man dearly more than anything in this world. I've never loved anyone, myself included like I do love him, I'd do anything and everything for this man. However, things started falling apart since I got my lab results. It turned out I've been exposed to both hsv1 and hsv2 at some points in my life (according to the gal who called me from my Dr. office). Tim thinks I gave it to him because I have both types and he obviously got infected on his anus (hsv2??).


The thing is I have never had any outbreaks or serious symptoms in my entire life even I was under extremely stress/depressed especially when my wonderful mom passed away (unfortunately, I wasn't there and didn't get to see her in the last moment of her life). However, I've been having sores in side of my gums/lips (more like canker sores), also a small sore on my labia from time to time since I was a kid. It felt uncomfortable but absolutely no pain/hurt whatsoever and I totally forgot about them until they went away in several days. In the last few years I have also noticed whenever I didn't have enough sleep or dehydrate, there's will be a small cluster (red/blisters) appeared right on top of my coccyx. It wasn't hurt at all, just itchy. Sometimes I accidentally broke those blisters but it healed by itself in few days without any pain or sore at all. I definitely have never had a thought that they were STDs or STI related because I only had few men in my entire life (all were serious realationships). Are they really hsv1 & 2?  Have I been living/carrying both types throughout my life without even realizing it? And that's what Tim thought. He said he absolutely doesn't want to have an hsv1 on his lips/mouth.


I have a strong feeling this is going to be a dead-end relationship. He's been so depressed, worried, angry, resentful and tried to avoid not to kiss, hug or even touch me. He just texted me 2 days ago that I need to take a break from him for a while. I felt so devastated and separated by what had really happened here in my life.


I'm not afraid of all kind of physical pains even the worst one. The  thought of losing him is the most scariest things and it's killing me every single second. I don't know what to do or how to cope with this.


My labs results are:


HSV TYPE 1 IGG - value: 27.40 IV <=0.90 IV


HSV TYPE 2 IGG - value: 13.70 IV <=0.90 IV


I'm so confused and don't have a clue as to why my values are so high. Does it mean I've been living my life with hsv1 & 2 for years? Did I gave hsv to Tim without even realizing I had it?


Any responses are greatly appreciated. Thank you.


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First off, sorry you're going through this ordeal and hopefully I can offer some support.


Yes, you can be positive for HSV and I have no idea. In fact 85% of the people who have it have no idea (at least when it comes to HSV2). For me personally, I would have never known if I didn't specifically order the test myself to get a clean bill of health on paper. Oops, I was surprised as I've never had any symptoms. My educated guess is that I've had it at least 3 years if not longer.


As far as the index values, it doesn't tell you exactly when you contracted it, but generally speaking it's an amount of the antibody the test was able to detect. The higher the value the more of the anti-body detected. Given that your number is on the high end, it's likely you've had it multiple years. I think my last test was about a 7.5 for HSV2.


The toughest part of this is the stigma by far. In fact, from a medical stand point it's not really a big deal. This is why the CDC and physicians don't recommend testing for it unless there are symptoms. 80% of HSV is spread by people who don't know they have it so you're not alone in this situation. For arguments sake, is he sure he never had it prior to knowing you? Most people don't know it...


I'd be in the same boat as you if by luck I didn't decide to opt for the full 10 panel STD test. Hope this helps.





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NewReality: thank you for your helpful response. It must have been tough for you when the results came back positive. Hope everything goes well with you.


The more I read about it and from your explanation, I am more than ever convinced that he got this from me due to his primary bad outbreak and the high value of my antibodies. I'm the only woman he's been with in last 7 months. I remember I had a sore inside of my mouth a few weeks ago, it wasn't completely healed when I performed analingus on him. I felt so bad and guilty for giving this to him. I intentionally ruined his happy life and I can't undo what has been done at this point.

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Did he have a swab test? The swab can tell what type it is.


Even though you have hsv, if you are not his first partner there is no guarantee you gave it to him. It could have been dormant for him as well.

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Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up! Take care of yourself roo, but give him time to accept the diagnosis and learn how to take care of himself. Let him know that you didn't know and would never so anything to hurt him. Again, he was having sex before without full knowledge of his partners-you and previous ones. So many people just don't know. You just do better once uou do know and rhats all you can do. Best wishes.

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