Trouble getting past my diagnosis and dating

[Lilly82]

Hi everyone,

 

I’m in a complete funk right now about my hsv2. I have come to terms with having it, but when I have to disclose to a new partner and they don’t take it all that well, it brings me back to the beginning again. Like I’m this this gross person that no guy wants to touch.

I am seeing someone and told him about three weeks ago and he still hasn’t ‘accepted’ it and is still processing. It’s really difficult to not take it personally. I feel like I just want to tell him and prove to him I can still be loved but I don’t want to have to prove my worth just because of this sti.

If he ultimately doesn’t accept it, I’m not sure if anyone will :(. Any words of encouragement would be appreciated.

[RegularGuy]

Maybe you are putting too much faith in one person.

I'm not saying that the fact that you are aeeking something meaningful and fulfilling is wrong at all, in fact I support it 100%.

But by only talking to one guy at a time and not texting / dating a few people, you are subjecting yourself to what I believe is over-investing and setting yourself up for disappointment.

I did this to myself for a long time.

The symptoms are pretty clear:

1. You worry about what they meant by their last text and stress about how you should respond or what time is reasonable to follow up / reply again.

2. The thought of things not moving forward stress you out, even though you've only gone on a handful of dates or less.

3. You find yourself patiently waiting for them to make contact, confirm plans, and see you.

 

Maybe what you need is what I needed. To talk to a few people at the same time to avoid over-investing in any one person. That way you stress less and handle rejection easier.

I'm not saying you should sleep around with a bunch of people or at all (however, doing so is not morally wrong as long as there is no expressed or implied expectation for monagamy).

But if found that setting up a date with two different people within a couple of weeks and taking time to talk / text with different interests was helpful as I dealt with rejection and disapointment.

When I found someone who was as interested in me as I was them, took the time to see me as often as I wanted to see them, and fit my image of a good match, I let it be what it was and things worked out.

Maybe that would help you filter out people who are hesitant, flakey or insincere.

 

Remember that you aren't the only person out there with hangups, flaws and things that require disclosure.

Remember that you deserve respect, admiration and affection.

If you don't know why, or can't describe why you deserve those things, maybe you haven't quite finished relearning to appreciate yourself and see your time and energy as very valuable commodities.