Who's Really Using Dental Dams?

[Andy]

Hi all,

 

For background: I'm a 27 y/o heterosexual male and just got my results back this morning that I'm HSV1+ in my throat/tonsils (which I'm told is pretty rare in individuals who aren't immunocompromised, but here we are). Strange location of my OB aside, as I understand it, I'm now in basically the same boat as the ~80% of Americans who have oral HSV1.

 

I've spent the morning reading through the forums on here and checking out the materials on disclosure and rates of shedding, etc, but I haven't come across a frank discussion of the realities of oral sex with an oral HSV1 diagnosis.

 

Here's basically where I'm at:

 

I really, really enjoy performing oral sex. To me, it's the most enjoyable part of sex, and it's the part that I'm best at. The thought of not being able to go down on my partner is extremely depressing. And until now, I never really considered using a dental dam. As far as I can tell, based on personal experience, as well as conversations with friends of all genders, and articles I've come across today, not a single person in all of human history has ever used a dental dam (obviously that's an overstatement, but you get the idea). To me, they seem awkward, bad-tasting, and as one article put it, they "massively sacrifice pleasure for safety." Another author described that "They are not fun for oral," and another said, "It felt like someone was tickling me through a grocery bag. 0/10 would not recommend."

 

Don't get me wrong-- if a girl ever suggested one, or even hinted that she prefer I use one, I wouldn't bat an eye, and as I see things now I feel obligated to use one moving forward, but, well, I'm not excited about it...it seems like it's going to completely ruin my favorite part of sex. I just can't imagine that 'going down' with a dental dam maintains any of the great parts of oral sex... Maybe I'm just looking for reassurance that sex isn't ruined forever. It's really bumming me out...

 

Oral HSV1+ people: Are you using barriers every time you have oral sex, and what's it like?

 

Also, do you disclose before kissing someone for the first time? (I'm aware of the "disclosure" article, but I'm looking to get your personal takes on this)

 

Thanks!

 

 

 

 

 

[benzgtx]

Hello... Sorry about your recent diagnosis and sorry that I don't have a clear answer but I have a question please. What was your symptoms that lead to the diagnosis of throat HSV-1? Any hotness? Difficulty swallowing? And over what time course? Thanks

[Andy]

Hi Benzgtx,

 

My symptoms were basically identical to strep throat-- I had a bad sore throat, difficulty swallowing, fever, headache, and malaise/fatigue.

 

I should mention, though, that there was a bad flu going around my office at the time that had all of the same symptoms. I assumed I had just caught that flu. The HSV1 diagnosis really caught me off guard, especially since it's so rare in the throat/on the tonsils.

 

My doctor thinks that I probably caught the flu at work, which weakened my immune defenses and caused most/all of the symptoms. With my immune system compromised, the herpes virus was able to present itself in my throat, which exacerbated the sore throat. Whether I only recently contracted the virus, or whether it's been latent in me for a while now waiting for my immune system to take a dive, is a mystery.

 

Anyway, I hope that helps, and that if you're feeling ill it's just a temporary bug that you'll get over soon!

[FunnyGirl]

Hey @Andy - I have HSV1 myself and acquired it both orally and genitally at the same time, from a man that I knew got cold sores, but didn't know until AFTER our encounter. My first outbreak was really bad and I had sores all inside my mouth and down my throat as well. If you are older and never exposed to HSV1 then sometimes I think the initial outbreak after exposure can be pretty severe. I was so sick I couldn't get out of bed and even almost fainted I remember when trying.

 

As for transferring it orally...I have never ever passed it to any of my partners in the 15 years since acquiring the virus. All either were tested before we were together and were negative then and then never got any symptoms ever while we were together or even after (I have remained friends with several of my exes) or when I brought up that I got cold sores in the early stages of dating someone, many of them said "me too" or "everyone gets cold sores!" and it was literally no big deal.

 

There's a really good chance that many of your future partners or next partner might already have the virus either orally or genitally and it would totally be a non-issue. Usually if someone has the virus in one place, they won't be re-infected with it in another location.

 

If you are concerned about it, I think the best thing to do is take 500mg of Valtrex daily because I believe that lowers the risk of recurrences but ALSO lowers the possibility of transmission. If you do that when you start dating someone new and have the talk about the fact that you now may get a cold sore while dating them and you want to be safe, then it opens up the discussion that it's very common and if your new partner wants to be cool about it, then maybe they can get tested too. If they have it already, no stress... if they don't you can take meds and just avoid ever going down on them if you feel a cold sore coming on.

 

Don't stress... I think you'll be fine. Just be upfront about it. :)

 

P.S. I of course was devastated when I got this virus when I was 21...but if in the heat of the moment the guy I was with told me he got cold sores and asked if I wanted him to use a dental dam to be safe...I probably still would have said "naw, I'm sure I'll be fine." It's just one of those weird things... the same dealio with performing oral sex on a man when he uses a condom. I just have never done that... life has risks and you can do things to protect yourself, but you also have to live, have fun and enjoy life. ya know?

[Brownly]

On 6/18/2018 at 4:13 PM, Andy said:

Hi all,

 

For background: I'm a 27 y/o heterosexual male and just got my results back this morning that I'm HSV1+ in my throat/tonsils (which I'm told is pretty rare in individuals who aren't immunocompromised, but here we are). Strange location of my OB aside, as I understand it, I'm now in basically the same boat as the ~80% of Americans who have oral HSV1.

 

I've spent the morning reading through the forums on here and checking out the materials on disclosure and rates of shedding, etc, but I haven't come across a frank discussion of the realities of oral sex with an oral HSV1 diagnosis.

 

Here's basically where I'm at:

 

I really, really enjoy performing oral sex. To me, it's the most enjoyable part of sex, and it's the part that I'm best at. The thought of not being able to go down on my partner is extremely depressing. And until now, I never really considered using a dental dam. As far as I can tell, based on personal experience, as well as conversations with friends of all genders, and articles I've come across today, not a single person in all of human history has ever used a dental dam (obviously that's an overstatement, but you get the idea). To me, they seem awkward, bad-tasting, and as one article put it, they "massively sacrifice pleasure for safety." Another author described that "They are not fun for oral," and another said, "It felt like someone was tickling me through a grocery bag. 0/10 would not recommend."

 

Don't get me wrong-- if a girl ever suggested one, or even hinted that she prefer I use one, I wouldn't bat an eye, and as I see things now I feel obligated to use one moving forward, but, well, I'm not excited about it...it seems like it's going to completely ruin my favorite part of sex. I just can't imagine that 'going down' with a dental dam maintains any of the great parts of oral sex... Maybe I'm just looking for reassurance that sex isn't ruined forever. It's really bumming me out...

 

Oral HSV1+ people: Are you using barriers every time you have oral sex, and what's it like?

 

Also, do you disclose before kissing someone for the first time? (I'm aware of the "disclosure" article, but I'm looking to get your personal takes on this)

 

Thanks!

 

 

 

 

 

I have a question, do you have any OB in or on your mouth or was it just swollen glands, sore throat, tonsils, etc? Does it reoccur? The reason I ask is because there was a time my glands in my neck swelled, couldn't swallow, it was so painful and lasted a week or two i had to take 800mg of ibuprofen to get myself to eat,  drink, and sleep. The infection happened right after kissing the same guy that gave me genital herpes. I never had any issues orally until he bit my bottom lip then a day later I couldn't swallow. I got tested for strep throat came back negative. But never had anymore oral issues after that. No OB or anything. Could it be that I have oral herpes although I've never had any OB or a bad reaction or infection since that time kissed?

[Brownly]

My current partner whose H- uses dental dams on me and used it before I became H+. It bothered me in the beginning but I dealt with it over time and understood his fears because I wasn't getting tested regularly and I had a care free past. He's never given me oral without it and eventually I felt he would of stopped using it down the line once after building trust. And now here we are, dental dams for life because of my carelessness with someone else. If I had a choice I wouldn't use a dental dam but I know its necessary so I except it.