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Found Out Boyfriend Has Herpes

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Hi, I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months and he just informed me last night that he contracted Herpes 7 years ago. He asked if I had any questions, but not being knowledgeable about Herpes I couldn't think of what to ask. I'm trying to do as much research as possible so that I can know what I should ask him in a later conversation. Is there anything in particular you recommend that I ask?


I know Herpes is relatively common, but the fear of getting it really scares me. Despite our never having had sex, our relationship is getting pretty serious in that I think it has potential for the future and I don't want my fear to cause me to push him away and jeopardize the relationship. However, at least at this moment,I don't plan to have sex until I find out he is the person I plan to spend the rest of my life with.


Is living with Herpes very difficult if you are on medication? How many outbreaks do most people get if on medication and is it incredibly painful? Are the pictures online just the worst case scenarios or is that common of most outbreaks?


I'm sorry that my message is all over the place. I couldn't sleep at all last night and am trying to process everything.


Thanks in advance for any and all advice!

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It's great that you came for advice, but you should really talk to a doctor about it.

Find a doctor that will take your questions seriously and give you straight answers.

The reality is that there are 2 types of herpes that are most often found in one of 2 places, genital or oral. It is possible to contract the virus even without sores or symptoms present.

Type 1 and type 2 can be contacted in any mucus membrane (genitals, anus, mouth, eyes, etc...) But it is most likely to infect genitals or mouth.

There are steps someone with HSV can take to prevent transmission: taking prescription medication daily, using condoms, abstaining during out break (the term for showing symptoms). But, there will always be some degree of risk of transmission.


It's going to come down to how you feel about your relationship, your future, and your realistic ability to come to a conclusion on those decisions. You need to decide how you will handle things, in best and worst case.


It's not an easy place to be in, given that he waited 6 months to tell you.

He should be willing to help you talk to a doctor, get answers, and accept your decisions both for your own health and for the good of the relationship.

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