Confused about what I want and need

[alllgood]

I'll start out by saying I'm 21 and in college, and my diagnosis for hsv2 was given to me about 3 months ago. I went through a rough break up after my freshman year in college and discontinued all contact with my ex until about a week ago. While I was going through my break up I started to catch up on all of the partying I missed as a first year, including experimenting with other guys. I definitely was not smart about it but I was lucky to have not caught hsv until I decided to chill out and only hook up with one guy I was pretty good friends with. It has been rough for me to see the silver lining in this, though the success stories have helped me, and knowing a few people with it in loving relationships, I'm still sort of in denial and frustration. I got positive shortly after and wanted to workout and diet to change my life for the better but I started falling into a deep depression, missing out on college events but then going to only feel gross compared to all of the girls around me. I am now catching up with my ex, who I do find that I miss as a person a lot, but I can't help but wonder if I'm just lonely and settling because I think it'll be easiest to open up to him rather than someone I barley know/barley knows me? We've been talking and its great but I find certain things still bother me about him and I don't know if he's really changed and got his life together and honestly, I don't know if I dated him in the first place because of a similar situation (when we first started dating he had been after me for years and then after I got into an accident and lost teeth and shattered my jaw and was insecure for months I ended up dating him, though he did become my first love). I should probably talk to a therapist but I just wanted to know if anyone has gone through something similar or has any insight for me? I'm so confused on what I want, I almost don't even want a boyfriend going through my last year in college and heading into a career but I'm not sure if thats the only thing holding me back from it, or if the diagnosis is the only thing pushing me towards it. Let me know your thoughts... Also, I'd like to hear from some people closer to my age that have recently been diagnosed and how they're coping, because I have turned into a nightmare with my anxiety and depression issues. I even go through days where I swear I spread it to my mouth (idk if I already had it there), my eyes, and my hands... I'm going crazy and feel so lost and lonely and now I'm rambling. 

[Gypsy22]

Hey girl, I'm 22 and was diagnosed 3 months ago.  I am also still in college and am worried about disclosing to anyone because of how college students talk.  Finding out rocked my world but I've realized all sex has a risk.  We got off easy by only getting hsv2.  Fortunately,  the guy I was with at the time understood and said it didnt change anything.  Unfortunately, I had to travel and because of that haven't seen him and our relationship didnt workout.  But overall I think we have the whole world ahead of us and as long as we're patient we'll know when it's time to disclose.  As to your ex, if you're still having doubts I would step away from the relationship.  If you two are ment to be together things will workout later.  As for now focus on school and having the best time with your friends. College only last for a short time compared to the rest of our adult lives!  Stay strong, I know it makes us feel like less at first but it does open our eyes to how important it is to be compassionate and understanding.  Hsv2 is most widely spread on college campuses.  We aren't the only ones and I think in a few years alot more people will realize its NOT A BIG DEAL 🙂  it's a skin condition.  Everyone has something they are embarrassed by or feel uncomfortable about.  Atleast we can manage ours!  

 

Xoxo

[alllgood]

Thank you! I feel like ever since my diagnoses I've been thinking too much about everything and feel so insecure. It's crazy how much people talk around here, that's why I'm nervous to disclose... I have heard about so many people I know having it, but you never know if it's just talk or not and it makes me feel so insecure about people finding out about me. I even had a friend say to me he other day she is so worried about catching it and she would rather die, and I had to sit there and act like it didn't bother me at all. I am definitely going to take a step back and see how I feel, because I really think I might just be lonely and scared and shouldn't string him along. I feel so much better talking to someone else about this, I felt like I was going crazy since the only people that know in my life don't have it and can't relate. I appreciate the reply, and wish you luck with everything!

[Gypsy22]

I think the hardest part is getting people to understand how it makes us feel and how damaging it is to what we think of ourselves. I know how you feel and in still dealing with that aspect but it gets better every day.  Talking to you makes me feel better to so if you ever want to reach out and have a private convo feel free 🙂

[Anon85]

I broke up with my ex of over 5 years in late January. Started seeing someone casually but it ended up getting quite serious  and this person ended up giving me HSV2 (after lying to me that we were monogamous and persuading me not to use condoms) - big life lesson for me... I saw my ex, whom I have a lot of history with, shortly before being diagnosed and told him I hadn’t been seeing anyone since we broke up (I don’t know why I lied, I just did). After being diagnosed I kind of fell off the map but he’s continued to pursue me and keep in touch. I just don’t know how to go back to him and disclose this new “friend” I’m bringing with me into the relationship. Or if I really want to be with him, or if I just feel like more comfortable trying to work things out with him vs meeting someone new. So I can understand how you feel 

[alllgood]

On 7/17/2018 at 5:56 PM, Anon85 said:

I broke up with my ex of over 5 years in late January. Started seeing someone casually but it ended up getting quite serious  and this person ended up giving me HSV2 (after lying to me that we were monogamous and persuading me not to use condoms) - big life lesson for me... I saw my ex, whom I have a lot of history with, shortly before being diagnosed and told him I hadn’t been seeing anyone since we broke up (I don’t know why I lied, I just did). After being diagnosed I kind of fell off the map but he’s continued to pursue me and keep in touch. I just don’t know how to go back to him and disclose this new “friend” I’m bringing with me into the relationship. Or if I really want to be with him, or if I just feel like more comfortable trying to work things out with him vs meeting someone new. So I can understand how you feel 

This is my exact situation right now, and I really can't figure out how I feel. I don't really know what to do with myself, and I don't know how to tell him or if I even should and pursue anything. What do you think you're going to do? How old are you?

[Anon85]

I’m 33. And I still don’t know what to do. Him and I have been keeping in touch, but I think a lot of things that caused us to break up in the first place (like emotional immaturity etc) are still there. But I also trust that he would accept me even with my diagnosis. And I do love him. I just don’t want to spend another five years waiting for him to be ready to take the relationship further. I also don’t want to lead him on or expose him to the virus if I don’t think we have a future together. And I’m still coming to terms with my own diagnosis so I just don’t want to rush any decisions.

[alllgood]

I agree with this completely. I've been trying to work this out myself without us having sexual contact because of emotional attachment with sex and the obvious reason of my diagnosis. Still feel we probably wouldn't be working this out, even though I know he would accept my diagnosis. Let me know if you figure anything out that I haven't lol 

[alllgood]

On 7/25/2018 at 10:58 AM, Anon85 said:

I’m 33. And I still don’t know what to do. Him and I have been keeping in touch, but I think a lot of things that caused us to break up in the first place (like emotional immaturity etc) are still there. But I also trust that he would accept me even with my diagnosis. And I do love him. I just don’t want to spend another five years waiting for him to be ready to take the relationship further. I also don’t want to lead him on or expose him to the virus if I don’t think we have a future together. And I’m still coming to terms with my own diagnosis so I just don’t want to rush any decisions.

Still struggling with this decision... as I told him I needed time to get back with him so he's been waiting... I just feel like we might not even last and Idk if I trust him like I used to, we're long distance and in college and idk I'm just scared itll be too easy for him to leave when he wants because of this issue and he might look at me like im gross. There's a lot of emotional immaturity with him still and as much as it breaks my heart IDT im going to follow through... It's probably for the best like all my friends and family say, so maybe having HSV is pushing me to realize what i really deserve instead of settling on someone I don't know will commit and stay for the long run. I was scared the HSV was pushing me from him in my head, but I feel like it might be clarity, that he really isn't good for me and if I didnt have it I'd just sleep with him without a care and get stuck in unhealthy relationship again. Keep me updated on what you decided! 

[alllgood]

On 7/16/2018 at 10:24 PM, Gypsy22 said:

Hey girl, I'm 22 and was diagnosed 3 months ago.  I am also still in college and am worried about disclosing to anyone because of how college students talk.  Finding out rocked my world but I've realized all sex has a risk.  We got off easy by only getting hsv2.  Fortunately,  the guy I was with at the time understood and said it didnt change anything.  Unfortunately, I had to travel and because of that haven't seen him and our relationship didnt workout.  But overall I think we have the whole world ahead of us and as long as we're patient we'll know when it's time to disclose.  As to your ex, if you're still having doubts I would step away from the relationship.  If you two are ment to be together things will workout later.  As for now focus on school and having the best time with your friends. College only last for a short time compared to the rest of our adult lives!  Stay strong, I know it makes us feel like less at first but it does open our eyes to how important it is to be compassionate and understanding.  Hsv2 is most widely spread on college campuses.  We aren't the only ones and I think in a few years alot more people will realize its NOT A BIG DEAL 🙂  it's a skin condition.  Everyone has something they are embarrassed by or feel uncomfortable about.  Atleast we can manage ours!  

 

Xoxo

I still thank you so much for this post. I haven't ended it yet, but it feels really unhealthy how he's treated me (we havent had sex so no disclosure) and I think this HSV keeping me from him is a blessing in disguise. I just want to enjoy my last year here, get my health together, and figure out my life.