Jump to content
  • Want to be a part of a supportive community? Join the H Opp community for free.

    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum! We are a supportive and positive group to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have. Get your free e-book and handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

Unprotected sex for 3-year relationship — did I pass herpes to him?


Recommended Posts

Hi everyone!

I'm one week post-diagnosis and am so glad I found this forum. I'm in my upper 30's, a mom, a professional, and a health nut. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and my sudden diagnosis came as an unsettling shock.

 

Now that I understand prodome, I know I've felt the sensations before, but last week was the first time I saw a lesion. I got tested at my annual and my dr confirmed. I told my boyfriend right away. He says he's never felt any symptoms or anything 'off'.

 

So is it possible that in our 3 years in a monogamous relationship with each other, unprotected sex, I've had it all along and just never passed it to him?? He plans on getting tested but I'm just so curious about this.

 

Thanks!!!

Link to comment

Yes, it is possible. I was in a 3-year relationship with a woman without herpes and never passed it to her. (Of course I knew I had herpes, so I was as safe as I could be with her and I took suppressive therapy.) Also, the chances of passing on herpes to your boyfriend is much less than the chances of passing it from a man to a woman. The stats are 4% to a man vs. 10% to a woman (more mucous membrane). Check out these handouts for all the stats:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

Helpful resources:

Link to comment

Thanks Adrial! I've read those, but I guess it still seemed impossible to me that he wouldn't get it with as much unprotected sex as we've had, with no knowledge of having herpes to take precaution. Good to know he may be ok.

 

We had sex last weekend when I was feeling prodome sensations (pre-diagnosis) and now I wonder how soon it would show up for him, if he got it.

 

 

Link to comment

There are so many factors at play when it comes to herpes transmission: How much you shed the virus, your immune system, his immune system, if he already has cold sores (HSV-1, which would make him more immune to getting HSV-2), if there are any breaks in his skin from shaving or rough sex, etc. ... Also, it takes many weeks for antibodies to build up enough in the blood stream to be detectable in a blood test, so if you just had sex last week, I'd also get him tested about 2 months from now, too, to know for sure.

This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

Helpful resources:

Link to comment

That all makes sense. Now that we both know, we will be aware and careful of the signs. It's difficult to transition from a carefree sexual relationship to one that is more regimented. But I've read quite a bit about people overcoming the hurdles so I'm sure we will too :)

Link to comment

Hey, don't fall into the whole idea now that sex has to be REGIMENTED. Please. ;) Sex is still just as fun, sexy and deep. Anything other is just something you're choosing to believe. Be careful, but don't be paranoid. That's what I always say.

 

Check out this video for a reframe around sex:

 

This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

Helpful resources:

Link to comment

I would like to add that if you have H1, you will only pass herpes on to him if you have an outbreak with LESIONS. H2 can be passed when shedding as well, so when you are a-symptomatic as well as when you have the itching/burning and lesions. I learned this from a very knowledgeable health care practitioner who I talked to here in Canada. ALSO, if he has H1, which MANY people do and don't even know it and some only rarely get outbreaks, then you cannot give him MORE H1 - ie. you are equal and therefore you wouldn't spread it to him. It depends on what type of herpes you've been diagnosed with from what I understand. Hope this helps!

Link to comment

Thanks Heat. I have HSV2 and he's never had any cold sores. So he'll get tested in a month or two or go in if he sees anything suspicious. I think the OB I just had was not my first one, as I can now recognize the prodome symptoms from times before. Anyway I guess time will tell! Thanks again :)

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...