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How do I handle this? It’s been almost a year

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I had unprotected sex with someone I met on a dating site back in October of 2017. This wasn’t the first time I’d done some dumb crap like that. However, this situation was different than the others..

We had sex two nights in a row, then I didn’t see him for a few days. 2 days after we had sex, something was different. Not only was my body oozing a disgusting, liquified odor (chlamydia. sigh.), I also felt like a thousand needles were stabbing me one by one whenever I would pee & I couldn’t figure out why. Leave it up to my friend, the googler. No, really. She told me it sounded like herpes. I said ha me? No way. Went to the emergency room after days of SEVERE pain. I waited in the waiting room & they called me back to examine me & run a blood test. Sure enough this douchebag had given me not only chlamydia, but also herpes. They told me about the sores & said this was my 1st outbreak. I texted the guy going off. I told him I hated him, some other really mean stuff & blocked his number. They put me on this thick white pill. I forget the name. It made it 30 times worse. I said screw this. I stopped taking it & continued to cry for days, weeks. I had just started my new job & I barely made it through training.


July 2018. Had only 1-2 outbreaks since I quit taking the medicine. Always in the back of my mind telling myself, “you’re fine. Just don’t think about it.” Sure enough, another outbreak. 3 actually. Probably stress related. I found when I had an outbreak I would become extremely crappy with my roommates, almost to the point of me probably getting my butt kicked. Luckily, they knew. They understood. I still had suicidal thoughts, I was still depressed.

Finally, I sucked it up & went to care now the other day & they prescribed me a 20 tablet dosage of valtrex. I’m taking that twice a day with a multi vitamin & lysine. I need to schedule an appointment with a gynecologist  but I’m scared to death the next thing I’m going to be told is I have HIV or something. I’m thouroughly convinced I’m going to be lonely the rest of my life & I don’t know how to handle this.. I feel like an idiot. But it’s been almost a year. I can’t let it control me, but I also don’t know how to live & be who i was before i found out i had it. Where do i go from here? How do i do more than just exist?

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The funny thing with me is that I too did some stupid things I wish I hadn’t done, lots of things. exactly like you. I went wild after a terrible break up. But I got away with it. Every single time. 

It took me until I was in a stable, committed, faithful relationship with someone who absolutely worships the ground I walk on before I paid my price. 

He didn’t know he had it and made a genuine mistake and he feels terrible as much as I try and soothe him. If he ever ups and leaves, I’ll kill him 😊 but for now, he has no intentions of going anywhere so I’ll try to make him feel better. 

Any one of us can get this virus and much worse. any time, anyhow, anywhere. Whether we’re being careful or not. It’s just the way the dice fall sometimes and it’s happening to people every minute of every day.  

Don’t beat yourself up. This virus is doing enough of that for you at the moment. And me. And I’m not entirely sure what the future looks like either. But you gotta fight now for what’s rightfully yours. A happy life. 

What do you have to lose? 


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